psychobabble

I am having a lot of anxiety which I am recognizing as a symptom of anger I have.

In Madonna's new documentary she reads from the Zohar. She reads, "In all my days I forgave and made peace with any man who did evil by me. Thus I did not harbor hatred all that day for the harm he did me. Moreover, from that day on, I tried to do kindness by them."

Then she says, "Can you imagine forgiving people that fucked you over...to get to the end of that day and not only forgive them but to wish them well."

I don't know anyone who I think has "done evil" by me. I don't believe that people are evil. I believe that for whatever reason, people who appear to "do evil" are doing what they think is right. They are protecting themselves or something that they think is important.

However, throughout my life I have had situations where I think I have been treated badly and am hurt by it. I'm sure that I have done the same to others. And maybe, sometimes, I have "brought it on myself."

I usually avoid, minimize and or ignore when I get hurt rather than call it out. I'm trying to get better at adressing it before I bury it in my emotional cellar where I think it will die. But, I have learned that hurt and anger does not die. It spreads like a cancer and in my case-- turns into an anxiety disorder.

So, now in a tiny, virtual, cyber way I am adressing it. Me hurting others, others hurting me. All of it.