Saturday, February 24, 2007

how could it hurt you when it looks so good?

Today is Oscar day and I shall be staying in my rented room in the Toluca Hills overlooking The Disney Channel building. I fear getting in my car to go anywhere as the city of Los Angeles has been turned upside down. I do feel it would be nice to celebrate amongst other people but its best to stay put. School starts tomorrow and I want to be sensible and responsible.

I did think perhaps it might be enjoyable to go to a gay bathhouse to enjoy the festivities. This might not be wise, seeing that I am currently enjoying a fantastic relationship with an Irishman whom I adore. I just thought it might be nice to be around naked gays and to be around water. However those gays and that water is filled with STD's and germs and I can't handle that right now. No time to get a case of the panty crickets!

Again, let's be sensible and responsible.

I saw "Wicked" with my mother. The opening night for LA. The glamourous Patricia Heaton was there in a green wrap dress. I passed her on the way to the men's room during intermission, she was talking to some children. She is the only celebrity I have seen in tinsel town. I expect to see more, but I must leave my apartment to do that. I am aware of that.

Madonna is in town, I hear. She has baby David and her husband in toe. Will she be making an appearance at the Kodak Theatre this evening? Hmmm... Where are Lourdes and Rocco? Left with a nanny I presume. Or locked in a kennel. One never knows. Anyway, I hear she is teaming with Dallas Austin of TLC fame for her new album. Sounds like a disaster to me but I will love the album like my child. I have always been there for every single one of her albums. Which one do I love the best? That question is so hard. They are like my children.

Things I have purchased while being in LA:

Some sort of Proactiv knock off
I have adult acne like Judith Light and Vanessa Williams and no one told me. I also have very dark skin on my face. I am not sure if it is sun damage or residue from smoking 100 cigarettes a day or what.
Cover Girl Concealer and Matte Foundation
Unwise in so many ways. It was a panicked purchase at the Target here. I am extremely self conscious of my face right now. See photoshopped drag queen picture below.
Self Tanning Lotion
Again. Out of control self conscious.
Because I am smoking a lot, all the time, everywhere.

But thats dumb to talk about. Hows about a video.

Saturday, February 17, 2007


Don't think you've heard the last from me! I may be down, and I admit, I may have been down for a very very very very very longtime. I've been peeking in on all the nonsense with a rhinestoned eyelash and a glittering spray of blue eyeshadow. I've got a tall glass of ketel one and cranberry at my side and a bottomless pack of smooth turkish blend camels in my sequined clutch purse. I've been sitting on the other side of the gloryhole surveying the action and I ain't pleased.

Be on high alert. Tape up your windows, check your generator and get your canned goods in alphabetical order. Be prepared for an Act of God. I feel it coming on. If your dogs start barking and sniffing the ground you know I'm about to come strutting down your street in a gown made of Cabbage Patch Kids and a five foot wig that has its own ecosystem. I'll be lypsynching some Tina Turner with a chorus of muscle boys following faithfully at a respectful distance.

This isn't a test. Sometime, somewhere it's going to happen. Consider yourself warned.

dear diary

I appreciate being able to purchase singles again (via iTunes). For awhile we were forced to buy entire cd's. It sort of takes the fun out of a smartly produced bubblegum pop song when you have to be subjected to other songs that are clearly just there for filler. When you want to hear the deliciously candy coated "Oops!...I Did It Again" but don't want to hear Britney's inner dialogue in a throwaway song like "Dear Diary."

Hooray for cheap fun singles. Hooray for SexyBack. Hooray for Hey Ya! Hooray for Bad Day, the American Idol exit song. These songs will remind me of winter depression or summer drunkeness.

I was thinking about 45's I owned. I played them on my Fisher Price record player and then later, on a stereo system that I got from Santa Claus and lasted me until I was in high school.

45's I remember enjoying that eventually became unplayable.
Mickey by Toni Basil
Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr.
Physical by Olivia Newton-John
Cold Hearted Snake by Paula Abdul

And B-Sides! Vogue, one of Madonna's most singles was originally going to be a B-Side to "Keep It Together." Can you imagine?

I'm afraid my enthusiasm for this topic has been exhausted. I am officially sick, which is not fair. There were severeal weeks this winter when it was very trendy to be sick. As usual, I jumped on the bandwagon too late.

Just like with music. I was very afraid of Nirvana when they were popular. Kurt Cobain and the rest of them were children of the devil to me. Years later I purchased their albums and bought Kurt Cobain's diary (an innapropriate venture for Courtney Love, but fascinating nonetheless). I am a late bloomer in so many ways.

Monday, February 12, 2007

ans thoughts

I've been having a bit of writer's block. My mind has been in a holding pattern for quite some time now. In the words of the late great Anna Nicole when asked about her views on politics- "I know nothing about nothing." This is how I feel lately.

Thinking about Anna Nicole- I do agree that she was an odd character. As my mom said quoting my sister, "All the crayons are in the box but none of them are sharpened." (My mom also said that she saw a nice picture of ANS today without any of the "Marilyn Monroe curls" and that she thinks that the whole thing is sad.)

I don't agree that her crayons weren't sharpened. She seemed to get out of bed in the morning and wore clean clothes and brushed her teeth, which is more than I can say for myself most days. What was I trying to say before I started in on the self deprication? I was thinking back on the early days of her reality show and I remember sitting on a futon laughing my ass off. I don't think it was always at her. She seemed like she was in on the joke mostly. It was the people around her, Bobby Trendy, Howard K. Stern, Kim, etc that seemed the most depressing and fucked up.

I do think it's strange that wherever Howard K. Stern goes there seems to be someone dying of a drug overdose. Someone please take him away from that baby.

My gentleman companion was not as shaken up about her death as I was, however he did correctly assume that I might be depressed and braced me for the news which I appreciate. I guess I thought of her as an institution, someone who was permanent.

I'm not going to get all "Candle In The Wind" on your ass. I'm just talking it out.