Saturday, December 14, 2013
Saturday, November 02, 2013
I fired my therapist and psychiatrist yesterday. It was a dispute over a balance that I had incurred. Ask anyone who knows me and the first thing they will tell you is that I am knows that I am meticulous with money. So the blame is obviously on the evil psychiatric behavioral industrial complex. And not me. Never me.
Wednesday was awful. I got in a raised voice with the receptionist at my behavioral health center on Chicago's fabulous Magnificent Mile. Exchanged icy looks and words with my psychiatrist, abandoned my umbrella that obviously had a hole in it, fought with Sallie Mae, stood outside in the rain waiting for busses for 30 minutes multiple times, lost my headphones multiple times.
My only saving grace was listening to the angry sexy genius raps of Mr. Marshall Mathers. My beautiful blond Eminem. My angry best friend, my muse. Allegedly misogynistic, playfully homophobic and slightly deranged. Just how I like him.
Until I losty headphones. Fucking stringy, tangled, earpieces always falling off, balled up in my pocket. I had three pairs and left them all at work and they were.gone the next morning. On the floor. Cleaning people at work? Good for them.
You can have them. You deserve it. Cleaning up after me. Take everything else while you're at it. My files, my computer, my pens that are all out of ink, my job, my life. Take it and run with it. See if you can make something out of my island of misfit toys, my menagerie of hopes and dreams and cigarettes and lube and neurosis and Direct TV and various magazine subscriptions I dont read. Take it, cleaning woman or man. Clean it all up, organize my internal and external crap, Windex the shit out of it and sell it all on eBay. My heart, my soul, my life. Get 20 bucks and order a pizza. Make a night out of it.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
|Tim Lybarger visiting X The Owl in The Neighborhood of Make Believe.|
So, what are your thoughts on the movie coming out?
And who do you think should play Mister Rogers?
That's a tough call to make. I'm not sure that the actor have to be a spitting image of him, but thinking that way, Jim Parsons would be great!
I was a big Mister Rogers fan. My Mom said that she thought Sesame Street was too fast and loud for me. I didn't really get into it. Do you find through your archival work with Mister Rogers that their are Mister Rogers people and Sesame Street people? Is there anything specific you've noticed about a Mister Rogers fan?
|Lady Elaine Fairchild|
She's a feisty one, that Lady Elaine. Fred often talked about how he expressed his various feelings through the puppets in Make-Believe. No doubt any mischief was expressed at the Museum-Go-Round! (Most) everything I know about Lady Elaine can be found on her page of the Archive site - http://www.neighborhoodarchive.com/mrn/characters/lady_elaine/index.html
Visit Tim at The Neighborhood Archive and follow him on Twitter!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
If my coffee is too hot I feel like I am suffocating, I can't breath, I need to take off all my clothes to escape the heat and sit outside in the snow naked drinking coffee. If you think about it coffee does taste the best just right before it starts going to lukewarm. That's when the caffeine has kicked in and any conversation you are having with your friend or lover or yourself becomes almost electric. The possibilities are endless! The day is so full of opportunities! We should do this and we should do that and sex and movies and food and sex and paint the kitchen green and.... Target!
I am the guy that's always on his porch when you walk by. If I could smoke in my apartment I would be in my room in front of my computer. But, as the world does it's slow crawl toward cigarette prohibition I am placed here on my porch for the time being. This is good though, because I would not leave my room if I was allowed to smoke inside. And when I don't leave my room I have a habit of eventually hospitalizing myself.
Tonight I heard someone playing Donna Summer's "Love To Love You Baby" in their apartment. Now I hear what I would call "gameshow theme jazz." Very upbeat Price Is Right style jams. I can get down with that.
There are regulars that pass by my perch through the alley. The aforementioned lesbians (who seem somewhat angry at me- see my post about them), the leather daddy who nervously, incessantly walks his dog multiple times a day and night, always looking behind him as if someone his after him, my neighbor and good friend who jogs at night and stops by to pay a visit. My other neighbor and good friend, his wife, that pokes her head through the railing, checks in on me and blows me a kiss.
There is a new neighbor right across the alley. He's in his twenties and gay and does not like me. This is what I think is going on with him- He has his first real job, foolishly bought a condo (believe me when I tell you I am not one to judge specifically on financial decisions or lack thereof, but I just get the feeling this was a hasty decision that he will regret) and now he's thinking he's in Andersonville and he's going to find a boyfriend and get a dog. He might get a dog. But with the dirty look he shot over at me when I first said "Hello!" I can say with a certain amount of confidence that he will not be finding a boyfriend anytime soon.
He bought a barbeque and some Target outdoor multi-colored lights and some plastic deck chairs. I heard him say to one of his female friends referring to our lights, "They only have white lights, I have colored!" Fuck off you angry ugly young gay man! He's in that real queeny stage of development. The only people I've seen him have over on his deck are gaggles of fag hags who he takes on tours of his apartment. I am only included on the deck part of the tour. He is real braggy about his condo and he's just an ass. I don't really remember what he's bragging about but it's annoying and stupid.
He has barbeques with his ladies but he doesn't seem like a great entertainer. One of those people who would just have hot dogs and have a bag of chips. His girlfriends stay a short time on his deck and they all gossip about the girl who isn't there. Just real mean spirited insecurity based gossip. Kind of like what I am writing here. I wish him well. He's fine. I haven't seen him on his porch lately. Or in his house. Maybe he already moved.
Then there are the neighbors down below who feed stray cats all night. At first it annoyed me a lot. The cat would come up to my deck and expect me to feed him. I ignored him. I am not so easily tricked by animals (or people for that matter)/ There has to be a boundary.
Anyway, this couple below me spends an hour every night feeding and playing with random cats that walk through the alley. I do not approve of this. I think it's cruel. Unless they are planning on adopting the cat I feel like you are just leading them on. But these two are very faithful to the cat(s) and do this every night and because it seems to be a consistent activity that they take seriously it bothers me much less.
I didn't tell you about the Mexican man who decided to sleep on our porch. I came outside at about 9:00 on a Friday night to have my cigarette and nighttime coffee and there was a disheveled Mexican man sleeping on our porch with his back up against the brick wall of our building. This was happening at the same time the neighbors were doing there cat feedings. The girl saw the man and said "Hey" very sweetly. Almost as if she was saying "Hey welcome to the neighborhood do you want me to feed you?" She was behaving like she found a new cat.
No. Not welcome to the neighborhood. I approached the man who was sitting very near my smoking and drinking coffee zone and said "Hey- you have to go." He said nothing, he was really really drunk. He was doing some sort of drunk sign language like, "No, go away, it's fine, don't worry about it." I was irritated and just kept saying, "Hey you gotta go." "You need to leave." "You have to go NOW." He shooed me away with his hand as if I was being rude and bothering his sleep.
I was just really irritated that he had interrupted my smoking time and encroached on my spot. So I called 911 and explained the situation. My wonderful straight roommate came out and did his best "very serious don't fuck with me shpeel" to get him to leave. The Mexican man shooed him away too.
The police came and got him off our porch. I guess he was carrying a desk lamp around in a plastic bag because the policeman asked if the desk lamp in a plastic bag was mine. If you are on the right side and the stakes aren't too high - Chicago Police men can be very sexy. I feel like a schoolgirl around men in uniform.
When I got up the next day, the desk lamp in the plastic bag was still there. Out of the whole experience this was the only thing that made me said. This guy walking around Chicago, near death drunk, carrying a broken desk lamp in a plastic bag. Did he buy it? Was he going to try to sell it? Whatever way it came into his possession and whatever his plans were for it- it just made me really sad. Desk lamp. Drunk.
Call me a racist if you like. But this man was Mexican. He was virtually wearing a sombrero. I know there was more to the man than being Mexican but to me he was the Mexican man. This is not a judgement against Mexican people I am just saying....forget it. I'm not going down this Paula Deen road. He was my Mexican man. And I hope he is ok, I hope he has more to love right now and more loving him than a broken desk lamp.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
I'm sure some people would frown on it. Especially the psychiatric community. But I am finally ready to come out and say I am engaged to my therapist. He is a wonderful man and I am over the moon that we will be spending the rest of our lives together.
Our first date was pretty casual. Pretty much like any other date I've ever had. We spent a pleasant hour together looking into each others eyes, making small talk, talking about my problems, my idiosyncrasies and my severe debilitating clinical depression.He didn't seem phased. As our date came to an end, we agreed to meet for another date for a week later.
I've dated a lot of men. But as I casually walked home I smoked twelve cigarettes and thought about him. I know he
Listen! If you don't like Wal-Mart. Then start your own Wal-Mart. Start your own goddam store.
Marilyn Monroe movies help me fall asleep the best. Something so comforting about her. The hair?
Random things coming to my head as I just wake up
"You know what really gets my goat?" referring to nothing
Schizophrenics have something called word soup.
Out Of Body Experiences
Just a cup of coffee and a bed with a cool comforter.
Oh honey, you don't know the half of it. The
I got my rock moves
What horrible emotional landscape are you exploring?
I passed by one of thirtysomething boys in Andersonville- the kind that seem to be on every corner on a patch of grass waiting for their dog to relieve themselves. I say hello and receive a non committal half smile. That's fine I'm really not asking for anything more. I couldn't handle anything more.
I take note of my depressed mood as I glance at flowers sticking out of a chain link fence. It's like there are the flowers and I am depressed, tired, weary. There is the sidewalk drenched in my mild depression and anxiety. This cigarette has depression coming out of it.
I wonder what the other guy sees. How differently we perceive the world through our emotions! Like for him the flowers could be beautiful, or maybe he doesn't like flowers, or they make him think of his grandma, or maybe when he looks at them he's not even seeing the flowers- he's seeing them but thinking about Doctor Who or Jimmy Johns or whatever. But what emotion is he seeing life through?
He could have some real problems- not my stupid made up ones. He could be going to jail tomorrow or have a terminal illness or he could be cleverly hiding a gun.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
What is inspiring you right now?
How did you decide that art was going to be your career?
Tell me about your first job.
Why do you stay in Chicago, rather than a larger city for art like LA or NYC?
|Prentice Women's hospital on it's way to architecture heaven.|
|First Clown Shoes, 2008|
So the first thing that strikes me (at least on your website) with your artwork is the title you give each one. What goes into titling a painting? Do the titles usually relate to the painting directly? Is there hesitation when you title a piece of work or do you enjoy it?
You shared a show with artist Geoffrey Todd Smith (who I've also interviewed for my site) called "Imaginary Friends." I forgot about imaginary friends- did you have one as a child?
Yes. I think I had one and it involved some sort of watch that I could summon them with. This was with my friend Nicole. We both had the watches. I think mine was a girl.
You use the hammer and sickle in your sculpture and drawings- tell me about what interests you about that icon.
|Poorhammer-Sadsickle II, 2008|
Tell me about what's going on with Cougars. I see that the Cougars Wikipedia page says that there is a new album in the works..."Gentlemans Choice." Is that still in the works?
"Lamppost," your Installation for Public Art Fund NYC that you collaborated with Dominick Talvacchio on, is genius. Tell me about that experience.
You've worked in installations, video, public art, etc...what area of the arts do you want to explore next?
Working in the studio, going to my brother-in-law’s graduation party, watching The Killing & Newsroom, and possibly a studio visit.