Thursday, September 19, 2013

Deleted Scenes


I'm sure some people would frown on it. Especially the psychiatric community. But I am finally ready to come out and say I am engaged to my therapist. He is a wonderful man and I am over the moon that we will be spending the rest of our lives together.

Our first date was pretty casual. Pretty much like any other date I've ever had. We spent a pleasant hour together looking into each others eyes, making small talk, talking about my problems, my idiosyncrasies and my severe debilitating clinical depression.He didn't seem phased. As our date came to an end, we agreed to meet for another date for a week later.

I've dated a lot of men. But as I casually walked home I smoked twelve cigarettes and thought about him. I know he

Evil Empire

Listen! If you don't like Wal-Mart. Then start your own Wal-Mart. Start your own goddam store.


Marilyn Monroe movies help me fall asleep the best. Something so comforting about her. The hair?

Random things coming to my head as I just wake up

"You know what really gets my goat?" referring to nothing
Schizophrenics have something called word soup.

Out Of Body Experiences

Just a cup of coffee and a bed with a cool comforter. 


Oh honey, you don't know the half of it. The 

I got my rock moves

What horrible emotional landscape are you exploring?

I passed by one of thirtysomething boys in Andersonville- the kind that seem to be on every corner on a patch of grass waiting for their dog to relieve themselves. I say hello and receive a non committal half smile. That's fine I'm really not asking for anything more. I couldn't handle anything more.

I take note of my depressed mood as I glance at flowers sticking out of a chain link fence. It's like there are the flowers and I am depressed, tired, weary. There is the sidewalk drenched in my mild depression and anxiety. This cigarette has depression coming out of it.

I wonder what the other guy sees. How differently we perceive the world through our emotions! Like for him the flowers could be beautiful, or maybe he doesn't like flowers, or they make him think of his grandma, or maybe when he looks at them he's not even seeing the flowers- he's seeing them but thinking about Doctor Who or Jimmy Johns or whatever. But what emotion is he seeing life through?

He could have some real problems- not my stupid made up ones. He could be going to jail tomorrow or have a terminal illness or he could be cleverly hiding a gun.

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