Tuesday, May 29, 2007

dishes still not done

i can not believe i was in los angeles for a month! i was just laying in my bed and i had a flashback of my apartment there. the bed, the couch, the kitchen counter, the shower, the cement sidewalk leading to the little convienient mart where i bought my cigarettes. i remember how scared i was there. jesus christ. so scared. just this terrible fear. i feel it now too. hot and flushed, this prickly sensation all over my body, my stomach tied in knots. scared of what?

most of my anxiety at the current moment is about money-- but there i had prepared myself and money wasn't a concern. i react to stress in the most obnoxious, oversensitive over-the-top way. chicken little, the sky is falling. the sky is falling. i will alert others to the fact that the sky IS falling. they listen but there is always a raised eyebrow.

i know deep down that the sky is not falling. mama needs some help.

is this fear is why people drink, do drugs, play video games all the time? escape. escape.

my psychology class last summer. Freud talks about work being very important to a healthy mind. very true. i am so afraid of it. am i afraid of it? jesus christ. get over it.

i will get over this. ive been here before.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

jeremy show mix

haha! child piano prodigy on ellen. give me a break. i have had one goal for the last forty eight hours- to clean my dishes and i havent been able to accomplish that. god bless america. GOD BLESS AMERICA!

it is interesting how i, when in this mind set, can

a. forget, or dismiss every accomplishment i have ever acheived
b. become convinced that i will never be able to acheive another thing ever

i see the homeless people on the streets and i think (instead of giving them money
which would be a nice thing) that i will end up like them. dirty hair, sweatpants, drunk, smoking a cigarette. the only difference right now is that i am in an apartment and i am not drunk.

i should start with the man in the mirror. i should ask him to make a change.
god i loved that song when it came out, man in the mirror by mrs. michael jackson. the scary woman who likes to give the jesus juice to the kids. i thought he looked so put together on that 12 inch maxi record. the cover had a silvery metallic finish that was so exciting. where did it all go wrong?

many of you have been requesting my official statement on the rosie scandal. i have thought a lot about it and listened to many different opinions on the topic. i think that rosie was an unusally real person on television. she said what came to her mind, uncensored. i think this is what got her in trouble. instead of talking about "american idol" or "the bachelor" ad nauseam she talked about what really mattered to her and that was what got her in trouble. and most importantly she was an overweight lesbian woman. this is not allowed. people like rosie are not allowed to have voices on television. and she was quickly told that and beaten and bruised until she was forced out.

i love "the view" because women with opinions are allowed to talk --for awhile. until they are dragged through the media and stoned to death, star jones and rosie o'donnell.

anyway, i feel good this morning. i do feel a sense that i have no responsiblity and no direction. my therapist says i need structure. i think this is true.

And now its time for my SUMMER MIX contest!! It's all about me. "There's only one star on The Jeremy Show and thats me remember!"

So you will receive The Jeremy Show Summer Mix, DONT TALK JUST KISS

A collection of utterly perfect Jeremy songs for your summer.

Be the first or second person to answer this question correctly-

What was the first word uttered on I Love Lucy? (Not including the pilot episode)

email your answer to jeremy@thejeremyshow.com

Good Luck.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

train notes

Crisis today for a lady on the train. On the phone was Don. Was Don going to pick up the child? Another concern was what was for dinner. The woman's mother had chicken. So chicken is what they were having, no question. She didn't want to worry about it. The deal was done. Chicken, period.

One woman behind me pointed out an article to her friend that she had written in a magazine. I couldn't determine the magazine. It was about "wacky diets"- not her idea she assured her friend.

Cute black man talked on his cell phone. His name was Mel. He drank water out of a styrofoam cup made for coffee. "I'm going to Tampa on Friday"

A woman stares blankly at a picture of Donald Trump on the cover of a newspaper.

I'm thinking I need to be prescribed cocaine. Medical cocaine. I've never taken cocaine. I think I just need stimulated pharmeucetically beyond just antidepressants. If someone could develop Miracle-Gro for humans. That doesn't make any sense.

And don't fucking tell me to eat right and not smoke and pay bills and get a job. These tricks are not a fix.

Woman who was looking at Trump now doing Sodoku.

I'm so fucking pissed at myself and that does no one any good. Rise above. Get wings first.

"They get paranoid in general," the "wacky diets" writer tells her friend about Alzheimer's patients. It's a new story she's working on.

I am slightly paranoid that someone might come on the train and start shooting people. Interesting mind when depressed.

Train conductor flirts with the woman who looked at Trump and then did Sodoku.

I think a Willy Wonka themed party would be obnoxious to say nothing of confusing. Which Wonka to choose- Gene Wilder or Johnny Depp. Very different. No one suggested this idea, I don't know why I even thought of this.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

i dont know if you saw this...crazy


I watched American Idol tonight and although I did enjoy seeing Bette Midler and Blake is so cute he needs a spanking I will say the best thing I watched tonight was "The Kara Buller Show." Here it is in its entirety.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

have a nice day

I am very sad that Melinda is leaving American Idol. I didnt realize how much I loved her until she left. I didnt vote at all this year. I wonder if others did the same and this is why she left.

But we move on from such things.

I had a very bad dream that I was getting bad grades in some class. Last night I had bad dreams too. I think its my cough medication. Last night I poured it down the toilet after I took a dose. I think its making me sicker than my sickness. I have pneumonia by the way- which was diagnosed very rapidly by a friendly new doctor.

I am loving the blue sky and the mild weather.

Madonna has a new single out which I listened to once. Gonna have to let that one sit for a bit. Not sure how I feel about it.

Today I have to go buy a somewhat nice outfit at Target.

I am so sick of television right now. Blahhhhhhhhh. It's all I have been doing. The View, Martha, The Office-- blecch. I mean I love them all to death. But there is more to life.

The best time I've had in awhile? Thanks for asking. Spending the evening at my boyfriends house. It was very hot. I was a little nervous cuz I tend to be a baby about air conditioning and smoking. I managed. On the fifth floor laying in bed with the windows wide open, falling asleep to this hypnotic "Sorry" interlude.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

ergophobia #2

For pete's sake. So, I took this PA job for a "major reality show." I left after 6 hours of sitting in a hotel room doing nothing. The whole time I was there, the only thing I did was fill two ice buckets. They weren't actually ice buckets they were garbage cans. I was told to use the garbage cans as ice buckets. There were five other gentlemen PA's there. Some of them were asked to go do other stuff because they had cars.

Maybe I'm not a nice person. And I'll just come out and say it- I'm insecure. And I don't mean to spread negativity. Kara was telling me about this saying "You spot it. You got it." Meaning that if you see something in someone else that really bothers you, you might have that same quality and that is probably why it bothers you so much.

That said-

I couldn't take another second with these people. There was this bitch of a producer lady who was real stupid. All dark hair in a ponytail and tomboy lesbian acting talking on her cellphone. Real annoying. And then this blond woman with an australian accent. And then some gay guy and a bunch of other guys and I didn't like them at all. Not one single person. Perhaps it was my attitude and not the entire production crew that was the problem. Whatever. I don't care. It was fucking retarted and I hated it.

So I left. I was beating myself up about it but as I look back on it I am happy with myself for leaving. So ridiculous. That's not how I roll.

Anyway, so back to the drawing board as far as jobs go. I am a very sensitive, rather crazy person. I am beginning to accept this. I don't think I am going to be happy in a traditional job. Oprah had a show on all about "Do You!" meaning you have to do what you are good at and what you enjoy and you will be happy.

What I enjoy-
morning television
pop culture
writing things
helping people write things
working with kara
going to disneyland with my boyfriend
helping heather come up with ideas for her store
smoking- although its really gotta stop, i cant take the constant disapproval from society, family and friends

What I do not enjoy-
working for people who are disorganized and stupid
working on things that mean nothing to me
highly stressful situations

I don't know I guess that's all jobs. Hey, look people I'm trying to figure myself out here. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Give me a break.

and Dr. Will on Young and the Restless

Some real bad acting. It's like he finds himself so charming he can't stop smiling.