Thursday, September 29, 2005

Wake up in the morning, feelin shy and lonely...

After seeing a midnight screening of two episodes of Degrassi Junior High at the Music Box with Joey, I have become a little obsessed with the show. Snake, Wheels, Caitlin and of course Joey Jeremiah all came back to me.

I just downloaded the and the Zit Remedy's (only, I believe) song, "Everybody Wants Something."

I had a huge crush on Joey Jeremiah (although at the time I think I just wanted to throw up everytime he was on camera). Joey and I did a little research into him after the show and discovered that unfortunately he is not gay.

Sunday, September 18, 2005


the back staircase to the apartment next door is right by my window. there's this girl that's always up and down all day long in her biking or jogging shorts. lugging up her bike or running down with her ipod for a jog. LA TI DA miss healthy!!!

i think she needs a little meat on her bones. she should come over here and watch some roseanne and eat a whole tombstone pizza.

im sorry, im being mean. she needs to cool it though. so busy busy busy.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

you're f**cking kidding me!

This is SERIOUSLY my dream come true! A six disc collection of Oprah shows. I think I need to lay down and take a nap. I HAVE A REASON TO LIVE!!!!!!

The hairstyles, the outfits, the theme songs- There is a god!

It releases on November 15. Knock me out until then.

Live your best life,

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

text box culture

Here are my recent posts at a new website called "text box culture."

Fur Coat
-being mistaken for a homeless man

Avoiding the Nap
-an intimate evening

wash n' fold
-just jotting down what happened one day

Monday, September 12, 2005

I'll teach you how to

"Well I know from experience, that if you have to ask for something more than once or twice...It wasn't yours in the first place." Madonna, "Waiting" Erotica

I know you've been thinking about it too. Erotica WAS an overlooked album in Madonna's career. Why don't you pull it out of your cd collection and listen to it with me now. Sit down, let's talk about, really get into a meaningful discussion.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

current events

Last night, I was walking home at about midnight listening to TLC's "Fanmail" wanting to be drunk and dancing but happy that I wasn't. Up ahead, I saw the shadow of a tall muscular man. So attractive, so obviously straight, I didn't even have to see his face.

As we got closer, I looked into his face and he was very cute. He looked back at me with "the look." Did I just imagine that? He kept walking. I turned around, he turned around. He waved me over, and not in a I'm going to mug you way. This guy didn't need to do any mugging, he had a face and a body that people threw money at. I came over, took out the earbuds.

I could tell that he was drunk. Beer goggles. I mean he was hot, what was he doing spending an ounce of his time on me. Like the hot guy that turns bad in movies about date-rape.
We shook hands.
"Are you on your way home?" he asked
I quickly imagined how it would play out, where we'd go, what we'd do, what kind of things he'd want, what I'd be prepared to do, what I wouldn't do.
He was glassy eyed, head trying to stay centered on top of his body. Really drunk or high. Maybe he wanted drugs? I don't know how that works. Do you just stop someone in the street who looks like they might know where to get some pot, some reefer-- I don't even know what you call it.
As he sort of tried to focus in on my face, I asked, "Are you okay?"
He seemed slightly annoyed by the question almost a little angry, "Yeah."
Silence as we stared at each other and the fantasy of being at my apartment, only steps away with this very high but VERY hot guy quickly turned into something I would rather not do.
More silence.
"Well, nice to meet you," he said, shaking hands again. Big hands. Not the size of hands people from my planet have. These were hands that made a lot of money and got a lot of pussy. He had to be straight. If not straight, the type of bisexual that turned into married with kids.
We nodded goodbye.
I walked home into my apartment building regretting not jumping at the chance of being with this hot guy. The regret went away. I changed the lightbulb in my bathroom that had burned out.

This morning I woke up, and turned on the coffeemaker, having prepared it the night before. I went to pour myself a cup and knocked the filter basket off as I clumsily pulled the pot off the burner. French roast grounds and hot water poured all over the counter and the toaster. Still haven't cleaned it up. Not quite sure how I'm going to handle that one.

Oh, and I set my pants on fire two days ago. I'm not interested in telling that story again.

restaurant review

Since I moved to my new home, a beautiful vintage studio in historic Ravenswood, I've been looking for that perfect restaurant. A place about which I can say to myself or my lover "Hey, you know what sounds good right now...

Well, I've found it on the corner of Clark and Addison in the shadow of majestic Wrigley Field. My little place is called Taco Bell. It's a popular Mexican/American fast food restaurant.

I discovered it as I was riding on the Clark Bus headed towards Boystown in search of my mythical husband. I spied the familiar sign too late to get off at the nearest stop so I had to quickly alert the driver that I wanted to get off and exited the bus about two blocks south of "the border."

The clientele is a mixture of "homeless chic" and "drunk tourist." The staff looks like they want to kill themselves- but the food is familiar and delicious and the prices are remarkably affordable!

Now, I've been a fan of Taco Bell for a while. I remember my mom ordering a "Burrito Supreme, no sour cream." I must have been in a car seat in the back. Did they even have car seats back then? Anyway, my favorite then was a plain tortilla with butter on it. I did not have adventurous tastes as a child.

As I grew older, my tastes changed. When I was about nineteen or twenty, Taco Bell was a late night hot spot in my hometown. Cars wrapped around the building up until two in the morning. At the time, I was performing in an improv comedy group at a place called the Theatre Hut in Ridgefield, Illinois. When we would take a break from rehearsing, we would head down to "the bell." After eating everything out of our thin, white plastic bags and finishing our Mountain Dews (you have to have a Mountain Dew at Taco Bell) we would smoke a cigarette.

Taco Bell always reminds me of Josh, a friend and fellow castmate (now teaching classes at a Chicago improv theatre). As far as I know, he spends the rest of the time in an underground bunker because in the four years that I've lived here I have never once run into him, which I find unusual. It's probably a good thing because a certain female best friend and I had major crushes on him. Crushes so bad that we could spend an evening talking about him and what he was doing and what he liked and what he didn't like and what he smelled like and on and on.

He said that he thought I was really funny.

Annnyyway, I remember that Josh used to say that the best cigarette in the world is after a meal at Taco Bell. I still agree. Well, not counting sex. No, never mind the best cigarette in the world is after Taco Bell.

Times have changed, I haven't talked to Josh in years, and who knows what we would talk about.

But I'm still in love with Taco Bell. They have a new item on the menu and it is an absolute knockout. The Crunchwrap Supreme! It's a crispy tostada wrapped in a flour tortilla, toasted on both sides. Seriously one of the most pleasing things I've put into my mouth at least since I was seventeen.

To top it all off there is a new flavor of Mountain Dew called Baja Blast. The flavor is genius. They say it's an explosion of lime but do I detect a hint of pina coloda? This flavor is exclusive to Taco Bell. If they had it at the grocery store, I'd buy cases of it.

I urge you to take a trip to your nearest Taco Bell.


Always a favorite with my subconscious, plane crash dreams.

I was on a plane and I was intentionally unbuckled. Kelsey Gramer was the co-pilot. He was talking to me. He told me that there were "four stages of flight." We were entering the third stage and he told me things were getting "punchy." We crashed on what looked like Lower Wacker Drive and it was flooded. Got a CTA card to board the next plane to wherever I was going. A flight attendant asked me if I had enough time to get something to eat before we took off again in two hours. I told her that was more than enough time.

Friday, September 02, 2005

The Jeremy Show Interviews: Brini Maxwell

One evening I was channel surfing and literally fell off my chair when I discovered The Brini Maxwell Show on the Style network. My life will never be the same. I made it my mission to have Brini here on The Jeremy Show. My humble prayer has been answered. Ladies and Gentlemen, Brini Maxwell.

Hello Brini! The Brini Maxwell Show: The First Season has
just been released. Congratulations! For those poor
souls that have never seen it, how would you describe
The Brini Maxwell Show?

The Brini Maxwell Show is a lifestyle service show with tips, recipes, interior design ideas and interviews with people that are passionate about things.

When Brini was a little girl what did she want to be
when she grew up?

I wanted to be just what I am. A domestic engineer with ties to the past.

What's the best cocktail for a late summer dinner
party? Could we bother you for the recipe?

The Summer Breeze - It's in my book (Brini Maxwell's Guide to Gracious Living) which will be released in October by Stewart Tabori and Chang.

Summer Breeze

1 1/2 ounces Bacardi Limon
1 ounce pink grapefruit juice
1 ounce orange juice
Dash of grenadine

Shake all ingredients in a shaker filled with ice. Strain into a martini glass, drop a cherry in, and enjoy!

Serves 1

What is your morning routine?
I get up at around 7:30, brush my teeth, shower and put on my makeup. Then I make breakfast (usually sausage and pancakes or something similar) and then get dressed and go about my day.

I'm a smoker, and I'm trying to quit. Or I plan to try
to quit. Or I'm thinking about planning to try to
quit. Anyway, what's your worst habit? What do you do
to try to stop it?

My worst habit is probably shopping. I buy far too much clothing, and home accessories then one girl needs. It's very theraputic though.

What does the ring on your cellphone sound like?

It sounds like an old dial phone.

What is in your purse? If you could list all the
contents for our viewers that would be fantastic.

My purse contains my wallet (of course) a lipstick and lip brush, miniture powder compact, comb, hairspray, small package of tissues, handbag caddy (to hang your handbag from the dining table), rain bonnet and a few starlight mints.

If you were going to make me a mix cd, name some songs
you would put on it.

The McMillan and Wife Theme - The John Gregory Orchestra
Alfie - Matt Monro
Barbarella Theme - Ferrante and Teicher
Wave - Oscar Peterson
The Days of Wine and Roses - Nancy Wilson
Something for Cat - Henry Mancini

Have you ever received a speeding ticket? Was the
policeman handsome?
I haven't, actually. I drive very carefully. I wouldn't want to dent the fender of my '66 Thunderbird convertable.

What is your motto?

I don't know that I have one. I like to live my life with an air of sophistication and casual hospitality, and to do that I guess I'd have to buy into the girl scouts and say that Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance.

Thank you so much!
Best, Brini.

The Brini Maxwell show airs at 9:30 every Thursday night on the Style Network. Learn more at