Sunday, July 29, 2007


I haven't laughed so hard in months. Nearly pooped my pants. Another take on "Welcome To My Home!" A classic.

Moose Hoof!! Vageeenn!! Doggy running the camcorder.

booty bump

I Love The Seriousness.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Caprice Classic

Milly got the Caprice Classic from when her dad died. I remember the first night she had it, she drove up to the bar in it smiling ear to ear. She had been gone a couple of days because of her dad dying and everything. Her dad lived upstate. Milly grew up there.

Everyone said she looked like a man. She dressed like a man. We all wear our jean jackets and jeans and sneakers. I do, when I'm running errands and whatever. But she never dressed like a woman, not even for a wedding or a bbq. Milly didn't even own a dress, I bet. I wear my hair long and dyed blond. I'm a brunette. But I like mine blond, thats my choice. Just like it was Milly's choice to never wear a sundress.

So when she pulled up to the bar in that fancy car we all came outside. Boo came in and said "Milly's pullin' up in a Caddy!" Of course it wasn't a Caddy. Boo's taken so much crank, he don't know the difference between a Caddy and his balls. Boo's a crankhead. He gets to be real nervous sometimes. The first night I met Boo I was dancing with him and he started getting nervous and had to go outside and walk it off. The night Milly pulled up in that Caprice Classic that's what Boo was doing. Walking back and forth in front of the bar, mumbling to himself.

We all went running out and Milly had that smile on her face walking towards me.
I asked her where in the hell she got that car. She said it was her mom's and went inside. She didn't say anymore to me. Just walked into the bar.

When the two boys went missing I didn't think too much of it. The boys were from two towns over. It was sad to hear about, but I didn't know them and no one I knew heard of them. It was just another story on the news. Plus I had my own shit going on, Dennis and I were having a rough time. He wasn't working, which was one thing. When I found him outside snorting crank with Boo that was another. I took Michelle and moved in with my dad. I became more interested in the story of the missing boys when I was living with Dennis' dad. He had the tv on all day.

So one night when we were watching the "The Nanny" they broke in with a report that they had a suspect and it was Milly! Someone said they had seen that Caprice Classic at a park the afternoon the boys went missing. I found out later she had been questioned about it one night at the bar. Two policemen pulled her outside and asked her some questions, I guess. They let her go. I wasn't at the bar during that time because me and Dennis wasn't on speaking terms, you could say.

I think Milly would look nice in a dress. I think girls should dress like girls. Nothing mean, I just think it's fun to be pretty. But Milly would always wear that same outfit with the jean jacket buttoned all the way to the top and those jeans and hightops.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Pottery Barn

With the events of this week I have finally had the time to sit down and write. I'm sitting at my Montego Roll-Top Desk enjoying a fresh cup of dark roast from our local specialty coffee purveyor. Although my Montego Roll-Top Desk is used for working at home, it also serves as the main showpiece of our sitting room which is decorated in The New Naturals.

Above my desk on my Holman Shelf I have grouped what I hope is a whimsical collection of decorative accents: Two Marble Eggs in neutral colors, a Prism Magnifying Glass and a Cane Log Basket. The Two Marble Eggs complete the story that begins with my Egg Shadowbox Wall Art that hangs in the hallway, visible from where I sit in my Megan Camelback Chair.

As you know, Carl was hospitalized. He collapsed and hit is head on the Umbrian Vase after falling from where he was sitting on the Brady Entryway Unit, putting on his shoes. I was in quite a panic as he lay there, unconscious on the Wide-Border Sisal Rug. While it did come as a shock there were signs...

The first came at a simple dinner party we threw this summer. We were finishing up our meal at the Como Extension Dining Table. Everyone agreed that it couldn't have been a better evening (Well, it could have been had my Bosphorous Candle Bowls not broken during shipping).

"We do take every effort in our shipping process to see that your purchases arrive safely," says Pottery I told the associate that seven recyclable packing peanuts aren't going to do the trick. She agreed and issued a $50 credit on my account which I put toward a second Herringbone Matelasse Bedding Collection. She resent the Bosphorous Candle Bowls and said it shouldn't happen again. I've heard that before.

There have been rumors that the Herringbone Matelasse Bedding Collection will be completely discontinued! Of course I anticipated a moratorium on the matching sham, as most shams aren't the biggest sellers. This isn't a huge inconvenience. I mix and match shams (In fact, I will say that I prefer the Palm Leaf sham with the Herringbone Matelasse duvet and coverlet anyway). A complete discontinuation of the Herringbone Matelasse Bedding Collection was a big shocker. I casually mentioned the discontinuation rumor to the Pottery Barn associate and she had no further information regarding either the sham or the entire bedding collection. I was left in the dark again, as usual. Remind me to tell you the Organic Bedding Collection story, that ones epic.

Anyway, that night as we were finishing dessert- a grapefruit sorbet served in Ceramic Chloe Dessert Bowls Carl complained of back pains and had to lay down. I didn't give it much thought, as Carl often complains of aches and pains and has to lay down. After our guests left, I finished washing dishes and put them away in our Distressed Avonlea Dish Cabinet. Then I went back to check on him and he was asleep on the Samantha Chaise. I considered waking him but he looked very comfortable and I left him there. Turns out that was a big mistake. The final spasm landed him in the hospital.

Carl had a NeuroDiskogenic attack. A rare but serious back spasm. I looked it up on our laptop, the one in the sitting room, on the Montego Roll-Top Desk, and I have joined a few forums about it.

I don't like the members of the NeuroDiskogenic forums. They are whiny, unmotivated, and nothing like my PB (Pottery Barn) forums. When there is something that needs to get done with my PB forum members, we get it done. The Organic Bedding Collection is one example, which, again is not something I will get into here. Not the place. Let's just say we got it taken care of.

Anyway, Carl is resting comfortably on the Spencer Sofa and everything is stable right now. The doctor confirmed that, and from what I can piece together from the
NeuroDiskogenic forum, Carl will be fine and it shouldn't happen again.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

i remember listening to my whoopi goldberg record. she did four or five characters that were funny and really rocked my twelve year old world. i just saw a whoppi goldberg special on bravo, it brought me back to that time. when you would sit and watch or listen to a program and take it all in. no promos, no links to websites, no invitations to interact or vote.

i just hope that kids these days are being inspired and delighted like i was by my whoopi goldberg and joan rivers and bette midler records. it was an adult world that i was exposed to- smart and mysterious. things i didnt understand.

i dont know what im saying. i just think everything is so fast paced and ter

backyard childhood

Palm tree in front
Pretending I was making pancakes with the dried leaves, I called them "cakehots"
Pretending to make ice cream with an overturned big wheel
The railroad ties bordering the back deck with flowers planted in them
The tire swing, rope and tree house in the tree in the back
The sliding glass door to my parents room with sheer white curtains
The large window in the dining area
My grandpa concerned that I was playing with Miss Piggy, having her descend on a rope from the tree
Sandbox I would bury my Millenium Falcon in
The floor to a airplane lavatory I used as a pool
A worn faded Garfield towel
Sleeping outside
Being inspired by amusement park stunt shows and trying to recreate them with the Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom soundtrack on tape
Picnic Table on deck
Tropical looking plants and bushes, not found in Illinois
Grey faded wood with rusty nail heads
A consistent sunny day
Being suspicious of neighbors in back and on both sides, not liking unfamiliar people
Rusty metal swing set, with swing, very hot slide, a four person swing that I pretended was a car

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

stable as a table

feeling a bit better. feeling good. wanna put on my see through slacks and go see a picture show.

went to the library and checked out "49 up," "dolores claiborne," "camelot," and a history channel documentary on queen elizabeth I.


my ipod seems to have a crush on natalie merchant.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Pick A Tattoo For Me

I have always wanted a tattoo but I can't decide what to get. Please free to send me ideas or comment with pictures on what tattoo I should get. If I like it enough I might get it.


7. EXERCISE (6 and 7 seem like the hardest out of all of these)

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Summer Drama!!!

God how I love the Big Brother. So much fun. This video is an indication of why I am so addicted to the BB live feeds. Air conditioned high drama. Barefeet on cold linoleum. Love it. Love it. If your bored and lonely, I suggest you get the live feeds.

A sneaky lil' devil.

I need help.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

the truth, ruth

Feel like I am not taking action but I am. I have contacted people for help, have emailed about jobs. It is hard to do when you are so low. A sickness. An illness. Definitely. No matter how I spin it, no matter how much I blame myself. The evidence is here.

It is critical that I remember this. Once I turn on myself, blame myself-- it's over. The difference between a headache (sadness) and a brain tumor (depression). There are things I can do to help myself but I can't, I can't, can't forget that this is with me for life. Have to learn how to manage it better. Have to have all the safety nets in place always.


I want to cry as I write this. Something holds me back. Probably some medication. I am not doing well and probably shouldn't be posting this. It's a testament, though. Perhaps helpful to others.

I will get through this. The only way out is through.

"The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately" -Alanis

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

lets set our brains free

hey you

When Madonna's song "Hey You" came out I wanted to pretend like it didnt happen. I didnt like it. But the remix comes out and I'm all over it. Typical.

"First love yourself, or if you can't,
Try to love someone else."


Who do you want to be today? I want to be a preppie college graduate from the eighties. Wearing stone washed jeans with a long sleeved polo tucked in. A thin-ish black leather belt. Topsiders with no socks. Confident! A sports car. A long engagement with an unnatural blonde, that doesn't work out because she spots me going down on a college buddy. A successful career in marketing or business. A brief cocaine habit that lands me in rehab. These are just bits and pieces. I'm still sketching it out.

Goddam sleepy nap time man.

I am reading listening to "Againsst Depression," by Peter Kramer MD. He is the author of "Finding Prozac." He stresses that Depression is a disease. And not only that, a progressive disease that should be treated as agressivley as cancer. This was a mindfuck for me! Also reading about SSRI's and how they were not designed for long term use and can actually cause relapses if used too long. It's time to nip this. Nip it! This has been going on too long. I need to find a top drawer psychiatrist.

He also discusses the "charm" of the depressive. Because depression has been linked to artists, it has a romance attached to it. He suggests that this "charm" factor only lasts through the early stages of depression. Once shit starts to go bad-- it's not so charming anymore.

The longer it goes on the more damage it does to the brain. Fascinating.

I am trying to investigate myself. I am trying to figure it out.

Monday, July 02, 2007

The Jeremy Show Interview: Geoffrey Todd Smith

Geoffrey Todd Smith is an artist who uses gel pens to create beautiful graphic paintings for you to get lost in. I met him many years ago when I was living in Crystal Lake.

I met you at Borders. You were talking to anyone who would listen about how you were so hung over because you had too many Long Island Iced Teas. What do you remember about me?

You were wearing white socks with black shoes and your hair was bleach blond. I thought you might prefer the company of men. You and a girl named Audrey were the only ones who would talk to me. She was 16. That's a tender age.

You use gel pens and scrapbook paper for your drawings. How did you come to use these and why?

A girl I know gave me a gel pen and I doodled with it. I thought it was refreshing to use materials that didn't have the history that painting had but were suitable to communicate my ideas.

How does it feel to be named by Chicago Magazine as one of the "rising art stars we should be collecting now" What do you collect?

I was surprised by the interest in the drawings over the past year or so. It is nice to know I am not just making them for myself. I collect gel pens for obvious reasons. I used to collect scratch n sniffs.

You watch television while you create your paintings, what shows do you watch?

At this point, whatever is on that I can listen to in the background but not get too distracted by. General Hospital played a role in my formative gel pen years.

Several articles have commented about how your work seems to capture a 1980's-teenage girl-video game aesthetic. Do you think your work is an expression of your youth in anyway? How about femininity?

They are very much inspired by the activities of youth that required my intense focus. Puzzles, board games, video games, sticker collections, etc. I understand the reference to femininity but I think that is mainly connected to my comfort in creating beautiful things. Artists often run from the term decorative but it doesn't bother me.

How did you pass time in your youth?

Played sports, cartoons, swimming, videogames, Ate a lot of candy, drawing, fought with my brother a lot.

Artists have a tendency to be crazy. Are you crazy? What really crazy things do you do?

I am not crazy. In fact, I am pretty well grounded in reality. I haven't had an apartment for almost three years. Not really crazy but perhaps a bit unusual.

I have always found the titles of your paintings to be poetic. Beyond your painting, do you see yourself ever branching out into other areas- music, film, writing?

You can't serve two masters. I have come to terms with my area of focus being visual art. My newest title is "The Graceful Ghost In the Chandelier Has Sexy To Spare And a Body That's Shear".

You are a big fan of music. What music should we be listening to?

Lately, I have been listening to Panda Bear, Handsome Furs, Hold Steady, Bright Black Morning Light, Peter, Bjorn and John, Jens Leckman...

I enjoy hearing what products people use. What shampoo, toothpaste, deodorant, other grooming products do you prefer?

I like the moves Old Spice has made into the new millennium. That old shit was no indication of the way my armpits would be smelling in 2007.

When I lived with you, you would often complain about "summer balls." Has this summer been difficult for your balls?
Fuck yeah. Summer is always a bad time for bat wings!

Anything you want to ask me?
Have you ever had a toothache?

Yes, in fact my boyfriend has been having lots of toothaches and we have been treating them with "Oral Analgesic Paste."

Geoffrey's work can currently be seen at The Evanston Art Center's “Obsessive Explosive," at 2603 Sheridan in Evanston, IL through Sun 7/8. His work will also be at Western Exhibitions, 1821 W Hubbard, Suite 202, Chicago, IL in September.