hey you

When Madonna's song "Hey You" came out I wanted to pretend like it didnt happen. I didnt like it. But the remix comes out and I'm all over it. Typical.

"First love yourself, or if you can't,
Try to love someone else."

Word.

Who do you want to be today? I want to be a preppie college graduate from the eighties. Wearing stone washed jeans with a long sleeved polo tucked in. A thin-ish black leather belt. Topsiders with no socks. Confident! A sports car. A long engagement with an unnatural blonde, that doesn't work out because she spots me going down on a college buddy. A successful career in marketing or business. A brief cocaine habit that lands me in rehab. These are just bits and pieces. I'm still sketching it out.

Goddam sleepy nap time man.

I am reading listening to "Againsst Depression," by Peter Kramer MD. He is the author of "Finding Prozac." He stresses that Depression is a disease. And not only that, a progressive disease that should be treated as agressivley as cancer. This was a mindfuck for me! Also reading about SSRI's and how they were not designed for long term use and can actually cause relapses if used too long. It's time to nip this. Nip it! This has been going on too long. I need to find a top drawer psychiatrist.

He also discusses the "charm" of the depressive. Because depression has been linked to artists, it has a romance attached to it. He suggests that this "charm" factor only lasts through the early stages of depression. Once shit starts to go bad-- it's not so charming anymore.

The longer it goes on the more damage it does to the brain. Fascinating.

I am trying to investigate myself. I am trying to figure it out.