million little things

Part 1

Martha and Isaac

I don't want to jinx it. I said I liked The Apprentice a lot two years ago and now I hate it. I will go out on a limb and say that I officially enjoy and recommend Martha's new daytime show. I'll tell you why:

1. It's live. So, it's very edge-of-your-seat. She is not a natural talk show host. It's like watching your mom trying to host a talk show. When she's not reading from a prompter, she is candid about what she thinks. When the NYC transit strike was going on, she was very angry about it. She admitted recently to Fran Drescher that she is dating. Today, she made some mild scolding remarks about author James Frey's controversy. You don't hear this stuff from Ellen and Oprah. I haven't been watching a lot of Ellen because it's become so formulaic. (Ka!-backatcha-dance-take a jacket was fun for awhile but how long can you convince yourself that you are enjoying it?) Oprah is too busy trying to save the world. But I still try to get tickets to see her. I'm hot or cold with Oprah. Anyway, got off track. Another reason I like MARTHA is...

2. The guests are doing something. And what did we all learn in improv comedy classes? Talking is better when you are doing something. Martha admitted she was dating a person that could take care of her financially while she was frosting a cake. It's simply more fun to sit on your fat ass and watch someone do something rather than sit on their fat ass and do nothing. Stitch that on a pillow.

3. I believe that Martha is very passionate about what she is doing. Other talk show hosts eyes are glazed over as their guests talk about their tv show or movie. Martha's do too, but in the next segment she's busy decorating a cake, it's her show, and the guest is just along for the ride.


Isaac Mizrahi's new show on Style also great. Not as good Martha's. What I love about Isaac's show is that in the intro to each segment there is a little documentary-ish short of him, that harks back to his documentary "Unzipped" which I loved. What I don't like is that I think the Style network thinks they can just start rerunning the episodes and it won't piss me off. Because it will piss me off. I love "sketches and answers"-- I like a good solid yes or no when it comes to fashion. "Clap for that!" and realizing that it's all about suit jackets has changed my life.

part 2

Well ExcuuuUUUUUSSSe Me!

Pardon me. Pardon Me, Non-Smokers. I didn't realize that me smoking was such a STINKIN BIG DEAL that you had to get the government involved. What a bunch of whiny babyish tattle tales. Running to tell the teacher "Jeremy's smoking and I don't like it. It makes me cough and I'm afraid I might get cancer." *Fake cough, fake cough, fake cough*.

15 feet away from the building. KISS MY ASS. That's right, KISS. MY. ASS.-- Getting all up in my business.

As far as I'm concerned, you can stay 15 feet the hell away from me. You non-smokers are asking for it. You are really cruisin' for a bruisin'. Let's take this outside! Oh, I forgot, I ALREADY AM OUTSIDE, smoking a very enjoyable Camel Light.

I swear with my right hand on any of Oprah's book club selections that this will come back to haunt you and your little stick up the ass asses. It's not about the smoke. It's about making a choice for somebody else and it's going to get you too. We're being walked like cattle to the slaughterhouse down a slippery smokeless slope. Cell phones, cigarettes, what's next hmmm? What else is annoying them?

"IT'S NOT THE SAME ARGUMENT," you say. Bup-bup-bup, don't speak, DON'T SPEAK, I say. If your not one of them, they will come for you too. You'll be standing outside with us too. And I will be blowing smoke right into your unwrinkled, healthy face.

hahahahahahahaHAHAHHAH A HOOOOOHOOOOHEHEEEEEHHHAAAAAA
HHOOOOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHaaaaaHAHAHA

I will now take off my tinfoil hat and try to hold onto some shred of sanity.