I passed by my old therapist's office today. I didn't realize I was so close to it. I felt an urge to call her, maybe make an appointment, tell her I live close to her office. Then I thought that's silly because I don't really need to see her. Then I felt a little nervous thinking, "Do I need to see her?"
I don't think so. I just wanted to see her. Maybe feeling a little lonely. Luckily, I have a job lined up for next week.
It just occured to me that it is not my responsibility to act cheerful or "together" just to make others comfortable. I'm not sure if that makes any sense.
Sometimes I feel like I'm being dishonest about how I really feel- pretending I'm okay with something that I'm not okay with. Like I get caught up in and begin tripping over my lies. Except they're not really lies, just misrepresentations of how I feel about things. Then I forget how I feel about things and then I get disoriented in relationships.
Yeah, I'm not sure I even understand this.
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