Saturday, May 04, 2013

Angry lesbians next door who don't say hello

I'm on the porch, smoking my cigs. Here they come with their bad attitudes and their bags full of empty boxes of organic Trader Joe's bullshit and I don't know what else. What do lesbians throw away? I guess they're just like the rest of us, I don't know.

But what gets me is they never smile or say hello- whether they are throwing away garbage or putting on their bike helmets and heading out for the day. They won't even make eye contact. And where are they off to anyway? Some lesbian drum circle? I halfheartedly apologize for my stereotyping and well, homophobia. But just give me a smile lady. We're in this together.

There is another portly lesbian a door away who drives down the alley and always stops her convertible to say "Hey, enjoying the weather, man?" So much so that I'm like- hey back off. But it's still nice to be noticed. Not these lesbians.

I may be in the depths of depression, I may have just crapped my pants, I may be wearing two different shoes and contemplating the end of days but I will always say "Hello."

I don't want to be their friends, and I certainly don't want to come over and eat their food. But I would like them to wipe those frowns off their faces and make an effort. And this may be asking too much- but I would also like them to jazz up their outfits a little. A little product in the hair. A skirt once in awhile wouldn't kill them.

I bet they're lawyers or some shit. Social services. Those are the worst.

I had a lesbian therapist that drove me into the mental hospital. Well, ok she said "If you feel you need to be hospitalized- you should go."What kind of bullshit is that? Can't we dance the dance of clinical depression? The patient therapist waltz. "Downward Spiral," the new dance craze sponsored by Lexapro!

This is a horribly misogynistic, homphobic rant that is inexcusable. But I'm serious about the skirt.


No comments:

Post a Comment