poor girl

I fear this is how I sound in job interviews.

You are well aware of your inner feelings

I recently graduated from college at thirty one years old. I do consider this an achievement. I would like to go back immediately. I desire approval and constant positive reinforcement for writing papers on topics like Sandra Bernhard and Big Brother 7. I have been thrust into a new world that isn't interested in such things. It is confusing and fast paced and I don't appreciate it.

I had high hopes when I graduated. I really wanted to work for Big Brother. Seriously. I was ashamed to say this. I think, however, the show encompasses all that I am interested in -- documentary, psychology, pop culture with a large dose of trash. I sent my resume and I have not been contacted. Which is really unfortunate. She doesn't know what she lost.

I have subsequently sent my resume to other jobs I am interested in-- Oprah, Playboy, coffee shops, temp services. Lackluster results at best.

Yesterday after a morning of talk that would have made me cry if I wasn't so hopped up on antidepressants-- getting real with the boy I love, we went to the zoo. Very pleasant. An ice cream by a pond with ducks and foliage, talking of movies and things. A suggestion was made for me to apply at Blockbuster video which was met with great resistance on my part. Not feeling well with my dirty clothes and hair, painted fake toenails and general crazy.

I went into the blockbuster feeling like a teenage boy asking for a summer job with his mom out in the car. The E. Lynn Harris gentleman at the desk was so kind to me that I almost cried again. He looked into my eyes and told me that they were hiring in September and gave me the information in a very friendly and nonjudgmental tone.

So today, I applied online. A thirty seven page personality test ensued. I had taken it before, which was one of the reasons I dreaded applying. These tests always stump me.

You are often very anxious about issues in your life:
Strongly Agree
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Disagree

Strongly Disagree!!
I am a robot. I have no concerns. I have reached total enlightenment. I have no desires, wants, needs or problems in my life. This is why I have decided to apply at Blockbuster Video.

Madonna and Sandra

1988. Those were the days. Those. were. the. days.

dragonslayer

How wonderful it is when you discover something you were worried about is nothing to be worried about. A dragon, a demon breathing fire in your face -- you turn your head and it is vanished into dust.

Coming home from school, worried in the carport. Terrified to tell my mother, that yes, I had been reprimanded at school for something. Feeling heavy with dread, lead stomach. Then to tell her and she did not so much as blink. Fixing dinner. Perhaps other things were of more importance. And all that worry for nothing.

How much of my life is this? Worried about demons that do not exist. And most do not, most demons, dragons, rats crawling around my ankles-- they are not real. I would like to say that the dragon is gone. Yes, and I shall live my life without a care and a worry. But this is not the case.

I will always find a new dragon, something disgusting and terrible to spend the majority of my time concerning myself with until I learn to become a dragonslayer.

5 Questions with Mike from Big Brother

Mike Dutz made such a graceful exit on Big Brother that I had to ring him up and ger his thoughts on the show and other important issues.

1. You have a great body! Where is the first place to start (exercise wise) that would get rid of a beer belly?
Cardio, lots and lots of cardio.


2.Kraft Macaroni and Cheese or Velveeta Shells and Cheese?
Velveeta Shells and cheese

3.Anything exciting happen while you were gone?
I've lined up potential work from being on the show.

4. Best moment in BB house?
The strong man competition!

5. How many wives does Magnus have?
7 wives




Love the show and really fell in love with you on the last episode. You should be really proud of yourself.
Thanks for watching and supporting me on the show. It was an honor to be there.