i wouldnt normally do this kind of thing

What place would you visit if money were no object?
PLUTO
What one person could you meet in the world – alive or dead?
LUCILLE BALL
If you could go back to a certain year in time, what year would you choose?
1976
What immorality do you think is overrated?
ODD QUESTION, GOSSIP
Worst habit?
SMOKING
One thing you could change about yourself?
MORE OUTGOING
Best memory from childhood?
PUPPET STAGE MY DAD BUILT ME
It's the last day on earth, what do you do?
TRY TO GET WITH EVERYONE I LOVE
Death Penalty? For or against?
AGAINST
Guilty pleasure food?
CHEESE COVERED JALEPENO KRUNCHERS MELTED IN MICROWAVE
If you could have any job, what wuold it be?
COMEDY WRITER
Do you believe in heaven and hell?
NO
A & W or Barqs?
UGHH BARQS, I LIKE THEIR BRAND BETTER, PLUS IT HAS BITE
Weirdest thing ever eaten?
A "NERD" OFF OF THE BOTTOM OF HILLARYS BARE FEET
What was your curfew growing up?
IT VARIED, MIDNIGHT
Do you think your parents were too strict growing up?
NO
How many friends do you have that you talk to at least once a year?
OVER 10 ISH
Name your 5 movies your bring on an island with you
IM GOING TO TELL YOU A SECRET, BIG BUSINESS, FINDING NEMO, HUSBANDS AND WIVES, LONGTIME COMPANION
Worst fashion in your closet?
WHITE GIRLS SWEATPANTS
Best feeling?
FALLING ASLEEP
How many languages do you speak?
UNO
What's your family like?
NICE, SUPPORTIVE, DYSFUNCTIONAL
Do you read much?
NOT TOO OFTEN, I LISTEN TO A LOT OF AUDIOBOOKS
What was the last compliment you received?
I LOOK 19 (?)
Are you rude?
SOMETIMES, I THINK MY SHYNESS, INSECURITY COMES OFF AS RUDENESS
Do you hold grudges?
YES, UNFORTUNATELY, NOT TOO MANY
Do you smile a lot?
YEAH
Do you cry a lot?
NO, ALMOST NEVER, I WANT TO THOUGH
What is one thing that annoys you?
WHEN PEOPLE SAY, "I'll be honest..." AS IF EVERYTHING ELSE WAS A LIE
What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?
HONESTY
Who is your oldest friend?
KARA/HEATHER
How long have you known them?
SINCE 6TH GRADE
Do you like to Kiss?
YES
Are you a good Kisser?
YES, BUT ISNT EVERYONE?
Do you sleep naked?
SOMETIMES
What do you wear to bed?
BOXER SHORTS, T SHIRT
Whats your wallpaper on your cellphone?
KEITH HARING PICURE OF A DJ
Favorite alcoholic drink?
VODKA CRANBERRY
Favorite flower?
GARDENIA, ROSES
If you could buy 5 of the things on your wishlist,what would they be?
OH GOD, A HOUSE, A CAR, A BUSINESS, A VIDEO IPOD, AND GROCERIES
An object you can't live without:
MEDICATION
Whats your favourite literary character?
HOLDEN CAUFIELD, JESUS
Whats your favorite food?
MACARONI AND CHEESE
What is your favorite restaurant & where is it?
CHARLIES ALE HOUSE PUB, ANDERSONVILLE, CUZ I CAN SMOKE AND THEY HAVE MAC AND CHEESE WITH BROCOLLI AND HAM
Whats your favorite class in school?
WORLD LIT
Whos your favorite sports player?
RUGBY PLAYERS
What's your favorite commercial?
CRITICAL STUDIES TV
What's your favorite store?
UNCLE FUN
What name brand do you wear the most?
TARGET CLOTHES
What's the most expensive thing you own?
COMPUTER
How many handbags do you own?
NONE, SUPRISINGLY
How many pairs of shoes do you own?
5
What shoes did you wear today?
BLACK DRESS SHOES
Your first crush?
CHERYL
Are you a member of the mile high club?
NO
Could you live without sex?
BIOLOGICALLY YES
Would you pretend to be someone's bf/gf?
NO, TOO MUCH TROUBLE
Did you ever tell someone you loved them and didn't really mean it?
NO
What’s the longest you’ve ever been single?
30 YEARS
What has been the longest that you went with out sex?
YEAR OR SO
Age you lost your virginity?
17
Was it good?
NOPE
How old was the person you lost your virginity to?:
18
How long was your longest relationship?
8 MONTHS
Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
CANT REMEMBER, PROBABLY NOT
Do you stay friends with your ex's?
HOPE SO
Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?
DONT HAVE ANY
What would you say if an ex said
HUH?
Do you have more male friends or female?
FEMALE
What are 3 of the first things you notice about the opposite sex:?
BODY STRUCTURE, EYES, SMILE
This or that:
What would you rather have, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur?
COOK
Would you rather be rich or famous?
RICH
Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
DEPENDS
Is the glass half empty or half full?
HALF EMPTY
Rock, paper, or scissors?
SCISSORS
Are you a night owl or early to bed person?
NIGHT OWL, BUT LOVE MORNINGS
Sunrise or sunset?
SUNRISE!
Hot or cold?
COLD
Wine or beer?
BEER
Resturant or fast food?
FAST FFOD
Pj's or birthday suit?
PJS
Lace or satin?
BOTH ARE CRAP, LACE I GUESS
Strawberries n cream or leather n lace?
BOTH MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE, LEATHER I GUESS, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH THE LACE. JESUS!
Tied up or tie them up?
TIED UP, UGH THIS IS RIDICULOUS
Country or city?
CITY
Ocean or pool?
OCEAN
Hug or kiss?
KISS
Conservative or wild party animal ?
CONSERVATIVE PARTY ANIMAL
Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn ?
BUTTERED SALTED
Chocolate or Flowers ?
FLOWERS
Spring or fall?
SPRING
Pancakes or french toast?
PANCAKES
Have you ever:
Have you ever made out with just a friend? YES
Have you ever been hit on by the same sex? YES
Have you ever broke someone's heart? YES
Have you ever paid more than 100 dollars for a pair of jeans? NO
Have you ever flown in a plane? YES
Have you ever been to a casino? YES
Been to Canada? NO
Been to Mexico? NO
Been to the other side of the world? NO
Been to jail? NO
Have you ever fired a gun? NO
Have you ever hitchhiked? NO
Ever done
Have you ever belonged to a gang? NO
Ever picked up a hitch hiker? NO
Have you ever ridden a horse? YES
Have you ever fed a cow? YES
Have you ever done graffiti? YES
Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? NO
Have you ever climbed up a tree? YES
Ever had surgery? YES
Had sex with 2 different people in the same day? NEXT QUESTION
Speak your mind about anything? YES
Ever worn PJs to school/work? NO BUT THAT SOUNDS CRAZY!!!!
Touched a snake? YES
Caught a fish, & ate it? NO
Broken a bone? YES
Been told you were hot by a complete stranger? YES
Finish the sentence:
My ex... UGH WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS. I AM GETTING ANGRY.
When I wake up in the morning... I DRINK COFFEE.
Tomorrow... IS SATURDAY.
I have low tolerance.. FOR PEOPLE I DONT KNOW.
Parties are... USUALLY NOT FUN.
Life is... JUST A PARTY THATS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.
My past is… SO FUCKING INTERESTING AND BRILLIANT.
Do you read the newspaper? NO
Do you think tattoos are cool? YES
Do you like being on time? YES
Do you collect anything? SMALL PLASTIC FIGURINES
For girls* Does size below matter? YES
What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/ev A LOT
Would you try to take over the world? NO
Who’s the last person you stayed up late talking to on the phone? KARA
The last place you went to on a plane? CHICAGO
Do you cry at weddings? NO
Are you nice to everyone no matter what their age, race or gender? NO
Do you go hunting (deer, duck, etc.)? ABSOLUTELY!
Do you know the lyrics to more than 50 songs? YES
Are you too shy to ask someone out? NO
How many pillows do you sleep with? FOUR
What country in the entire world would you most like to visit? FRANCE
What did the last text message you received say? NONE O YO BUSINESS
Do you own an iPod? YES
When did you last attend a party? HILLARY AND JOSH
When is the next one? MY GRADUATION
Do you have ADD? NO
Can you sing the National Anthem all the way through? NO
What is the last movie you saw? STARTING AGAIN THE JOAN AND MELISSA RIVERS STORY
How many times are your ears pierced?: 3
Would you kill someone if you had to? NO
Who's the one person you call when life just sucks that day? KARA
What the most romantic night you've ever had? WHEN E MADE ME DINNER
Do you return calls when you say you will? SOMETIMES
Do you take advice when it's given? SOMETIMES
Do you have anything on your mind right now? YES, I NEED TO GO
If you could be doing anything right now what would it be? SLEEPING

i didnt want to like this but i do

its a world of laughter

My gentleman friend has introduced me to a Disney artist named Mary Blair. Her style is immediately recognizable from Disney Movies and those Golden Books we all had when we were children (mine were peed on and chewed up by my dog Pepper).

Anyway, in these difficult times, her cheery, whimsical, colorful perspective makes me happy. Have a look.

4 in the morning

maybe if i got glasses things would be better. a nice sturdy pair of glasses that would say to the world i'm serious about me. unfortunately, i don't have vision problems, at least not in the literal sense.

it's 8:26 am. i plan to go back to bed after this post.
to do:
laundry
dishes
keep up the job search

i'm sorry i'm not as bright and bushy tailed as you would like.

it occured to me that i need not play the victim constantly. it also occured to be that i need not write publicly about my inner thoughts.

the only thing worth watching on television is american idol. i needn't worry about virginia tech. very sad, yes. no more information needed, thank you.

alec baldwin is calling his daughter a pig. this shouldn't concern me. i don't know him. i do not know alec baldwin.

lifes candy and the suns a ball of butter

i have been reading (listening to) christopher anderson's "The Way She Is," a biography of barbra streisand. the book is a little much, and i love it. the basic theme is that barbra was and is very demanding. anderson's book is basically a list of every demand streisand has ever made in her life. flowers, makeup, camera angles...

well how the hell else are you supposed to get anything done in this world? how else are you supposed to "get a leg up," as my good friend ms. buller asks? jesus christ!

like streisand, i have learned the hard way- no one is going to do it for you. you have to make the calls, you have to set up the appointments, you have to take out enormous student loans, you have to do your laundry and you have to buy your own diet pepsi. and its exhausting. how dare anyone question anyone elses choices. how dare they!

like streisand, when i am on oprah, i too will demand a microphone the same color of whatever donna karan pantsuit i am wearing. i want the audience to look at me, not the microphone. these are things you just have to learn from being in the business!
no one is going to tell you that.

rarely is anyone going to help you out in this business of show. its a rough dirty business where egos collide like bumper cars at a carnival. if you want cotton candy, you have to get out of your bumper car and get it yourself! no one is going to get it for you. if you want to tickets for another ride you better get a job and buy them yourself. don't waste your time looking on the sawdust ground for dropped tickets, you'll spend your whole life doing that and by the time you find them the carnival will be closed. it doesn't matter how many tickets you find you'll never be able to ride the rides if there is no carnival. did you ever think about that?

all i'm saying is no one is going to appreciate what you do, ever. no matter how hard you try there will always be a pack of gum smacking naysayers commenting on the choices you've made in your life.

the trick is to ignore them. ignore everyone. put on your orange dress and fur hat and get on that boat.

the story of easter

easter makes me think of sunday school in california. i remember half listening to some story about jesus dying and coming back to life. seemed a little suspicious. something about a rock being moved. the entrance to a cave where he was hiding? did he go into a cave? and then they found his dreamcoat?

jesus was crucified and on the third day (everything is in threes right? like die hard and back to the future movies) he rose again and he said that he had died for all of our sins. all very confusing. like murder she wrote.

i saw "who's afraid of virginia woolf" last night with Ms. Kathleen Turner. i went with two dear friends. the play was great. ms. turner, despite some coughing that wasn't in the script was genius! bill irwin was wonderful. although, i must say, like the story of easter and murder she wrote, i had trouble following. i had seen the movie and remembered that i liked it. but i know now that i liked it not because of the story but because of elizabeth taylor. in the climactic scene at the end where they are talking about their son, i wanted to get up, stop the play and say--

"ok. before we go on, was there a son? did you have a son or were you writing a book about a son? was the son gay? is that what all this fighting is about? because i remember that there was a movie that elizabeth taylor was in "suddenly last summer" where she's all upset because a gay guy killed himself. is that what this ones about? is martha barren? if we could have a quick discussion i think i would get a lot more out of this. and while we're at it- how old are you kathleen turner? and why the tj maxx pajama pants? elizabeth taylor did not wear those as i recall. and i loved you in war of the roses. and your voice reminds me of my friends mom. and i loved you in serial mom. and i did not see body heat but i know that was your breakout movie. thank you."

i did not say these things and i am still unclear as to what all the fighting was about. im sure my boyfriend can fill me in. oh how he must suffer with a mildly retarted boyfriend who cant digest a simple plot.

there were some mumblings in the bathroom during the play:

"she has arthritis, that's why she's so puffy. it's because of the medication she takes."

"she's just a puppy. she's fifty two. just a puppy." -- a puppy!!! gross

"i saw it in the seventies i think. must have been the seventies."

then after the play two old ladies, one with died eggplant hair with white roots and balding hair:

"aren't you glad we came. it's really exhausting. i knew you'd be glad we came"

stories are hard to follow and hard to tell. but that's not really the point, is it? the point is what you look like, if you're gay or not, where or if you can smoke, where the nearest 24 hour walgreens is, and if you think you can get by another day without taking a shower.

exactly

Haven't been feeling well the last three days. Can not get enough sleep. Mumblings from loved ones about not going outside, living in a cave, etc. I don't believe this is the case. Probably Epstein-Barr virus, which we all remember as a very serious disease. Dorothy struggled with it in a two part Golden Girls episode. Not to be sniffed at.

So I'm dealing with that. Also "looking" for a job. A humiliating pursuit:
-Turn product features into strong consumer benefits
-Craft compelling sales propositions
-Shoot yourself in head

It's all bullshit. Can we cut through the bullshit people???

Office in weird downtown building needs someone who can pretend to work. Looking for someone with severe personality problems to deal with manager who also has severe personality problems. Duties consist of making copies of things that will never be looked at again, lots of UPSing.

I don't know what you want but I can't give it anymore.

I just want that hip Sedaris lifestyle. Just lots of crazy crafty parties, making up your own rules. Hilarity. Thrift store clothes and smoking. A kitschy lamp and a vintage stuffed animal with one eye missing.

Spent the morning showing unreleased Madonna videos to boyfriend who was diligently working on a mass email.