back from walk. i have decided that oxygen has a profound effect on the human body. take that down.
i saw squirrels. lots of squirrels. i saw a sign in front of my apartment building announcing that they pay heat. well, they also pay my electricity and that better not be changing anytime soon.
brewing a pot of personality in the kitchen. french roast ambition. if i may steal a phrase from dolly parton.
its about money kids. and if ya dont work. ya dont make money. thats what its about. aint no pussyfootin' around it. thats just been a little hard for me to digest. been givin me a stomachace for a real long time now. and its time to face facts.
again, i am not my bank account. i am not my shoes.
going to work on my book now. the one im writing about me. there's only one star...
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
write it out
this time of day the black fog rolls in. i feel like i am trying to chew on or bite into a quarter. nauseous. bad goosebumps. nails on a chalkboard, that kind of feeling. a whole body migraine sort of.
take a pill and lay down. close the shades.
different from the morning with the coffee and the cigarettes. stimulating. ideas and projects. feeling the ability to do anything. hyperproductive. lets move a couch up the stairwell of the sears tower and go get breakfast after.
but now, its different. the shades are drawn. no prospect for the future.
the mood swings are terrible. hard to plan anything because you don't know where you'll be mentally when you are expected to be somewhere, and expected to be yourself. whoever that is.
with so many years of medication it is difficult to tell who "myself" is. myself comes around once in awhile. a happy accident. there he is! a stand in appears when myself is not there. and he is a cheap imitation.
more chills, nauseousness. and no one to explain it to really. no one who gets it. no one who has the manual on me.
i caught myself praying just a minute ago.
please give me the strength to get through it.
just another afternoon spell.
this is not working. not seeing therapist right now. talking in circles. too expensive. checks bouncing all over the place.
one thing i will do is go for a walk around the block. no ipod. this seems to work or is advised, at least, to us, the depressed-- "the walking dead," as oprah described recently.
my goodness. i apologize. carry on. this is not unusual. i just chose to write it out today. honest writing should do no harm.
take a pill and lay down. close the shades.
different from the morning with the coffee and the cigarettes. stimulating. ideas and projects. feeling the ability to do anything. hyperproductive. lets move a couch up the stairwell of the sears tower and go get breakfast after.
but now, its different. the shades are drawn. no prospect for the future.
the mood swings are terrible. hard to plan anything because you don't know where you'll be mentally when you are expected to be somewhere, and expected to be yourself. whoever that is.
with so many years of medication it is difficult to tell who "myself" is. myself comes around once in awhile. a happy accident. there he is! a stand in appears when myself is not there. and he is a cheap imitation.
more chills, nauseousness. and no one to explain it to really. no one who gets it. no one who has the manual on me.
i caught myself praying just a minute ago.
please give me the strength to get through it.
just another afternoon spell.
this is not working. not seeing therapist right now. talking in circles. too expensive. checks bouncing all over the place.
one thing i will do is go for a walk around the block. no ipod. this seems to work or is advised, at least, to us, the depressed-- "the walking dead," as oprah described recently.
my goodness. i apologize. carry on. this is not unusual. i just chose to write it out today. honest writing should do no harm.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
that's hot
i had a really beautiful thing to write about but somehow i got caught up in superhero porn. im back now, what was i going to write about? something about san francisco i think. well it's gone now.
my mom asked me what i thought of this paris hilton thing. i told her i havent watched television in about a week (the view with no rosie, and there is a gap between regular programming and fun crappy summer programming ie. big brother, my life on the d-list,etc). she was confused.
i am just not interested in paris hilton at all. as much as i go on about loving pop culture, i can't understand the appeal of her. i did watch "the simple life" a few times -- very strange overly scripted reality show. i found nicole ritchie funny and hilton was okay on the show. but i can't write about her because i have no emotion at all. i did like saying "that's hot" for awhile. my mom went on to read a very long article about hilton to me, i zoned out. i am very thankful that i have a mother that reads articles about paris hilton to me.
if you are not reading boingboing you should be.
i want to read this book.
it's funny when you are at a party and somehow you get into talking about old television shows. it takes about thirty minutes to get out of it before everyone has exhausted talking about "gummi bears" and "jem" and "silver spoons" and "small wonder." such an impact these shows had on us.
ok, let's talk about "i don't watch television." a phrase that causes me concern in social settings. some of us smarties, some of us npr listeners and organic food purchasers like to throw around this phrase at cocktail parties. i have never said it because i think it's very clear that i do watch television. but lets get into it. what does "i don't watch television" mean?
1. do you own a television?
you probably say yes, but i never watch it. if you own a television, chances are you watch it. even if you own a television and don't watch prime time television- you watch television.
2. do you watch quality television on dvd.
do you watch "quality shows" like "the sopranos," or "weeds."
so, you're not watching survivor. but you are still watching shows specifically marketed to your demographic. these shows don't just appear out of nowhere, they are crafted and chosen by men in suits to target you and get your money. unless you are stealing them, you are falling into the same trap as someone watching "big brother."
3. do you watch retro shows like "mary tyler moore," "the golden girls" or "twin peaks" on television?
again, these shows don't fall from the sky. mary tyler moore didn't cook them up in her home. they are even more commercially marketed by the man to you.
4. do you watch the movies on dvd?
you are watching them on your television.
5. do you watch the news?
you are watching the television, sorry amigo.
6. do you watch the televisions at the checkout stands of your grocery store or in elevators, etc.
you watch television
With that out of the way. What does it mean to say "I dont watch television." What are we trying to say, prove, or communicate when we spit these words onto someone who innocently asks us if we watched "american idol" last night? the only translation of "i dont watch television" i understand is "i think i am smarter than you. i make better choices. the things i like are intelligent, homegrown, pure, simple, and perfect. but most importantly i am better than you."
and thats okay. i am all about putting people down in public as long as we know what jackasses we are ourselves.
my mom asked me what i thought of this paris hilton thing. i told her i havent watched television in about a week (the view with no rosie, and there is a gap between regular programming and fun crappy summer programming ie. big brother, my life on the d-list,etc). she was confused.
i am just not interested in paris hilton at all. as much as i go on about loving pop culture, i can't understand the appeal of her. i did watch "the simple life" a few times -- very strange overly scripted reality show. i found nicole ritchie funny and hilton was okay on the show. but i can't write about her because i have no emotion at all. i did like saying "that's hot" for awhile. my mom went on to read a very long article about hilton to me, i zoned out. i am very thankful that i have a mother that reads articles about paris hilton to me.
if you are not reading boingboing you should be.
i want to read this book.
it's funny when you are at a party and somehow you get into talking about old television shows. it takes about thirty minutes to get out of it before everyone has exhausted talking about "gummi bears" and "jem" and "silver spoons" and "small wonder." such an impact these shows had on us.
ok, let's talk about "i don't watch television." a phrase that causes me concern in social settings. some of us smarties, some of us npr listeners and organic food purchasers like to throw around this phrase at cocktail parties. i have never said it because i think it's very clear that i do watch television. but lets get into it. what does "i don't watch television" mean?
1. do you own a television?
you probably say yes, but i never watch it. if you own a television, chances are you watch it. even if you own a television and don't watch prime time television- you watch television.
2. do you watch quality television on dvd.
do you watch "quality shows" like "the sopranos," or "weeds."
so, you're not watching survivor. but you are still watching shows specifically marketed to your demographic. these shows don't just appear out of nowhere, they are crafted and chosen by men in suits to target you and get your money. unless you are stealing them, you are falling into the same trap as someone watching "big brother."
3. do you watch retro shows like "mary tyler moore," "the golden girls" or "twin peaks" on television?
again, these shows don't fall from the sky. mary tyler moore didn't cook them up in her home. they are even more commercially marketed by the man to you.
4. do you watch the movies on dvd?
you are watching them on your television.
5. do you watch the news?
you are watching the television, sorry amigo.
6. do you watch the televisions at the checkout stands of your grocery store or in elevators, etc.
you watch television
With that out of the way. What does it mean to say "I dont watch television." What are we trying to say, prove, or communicate when we spit these words onto someone who innocently asks us if we watched "american idol" last night? the only translation of "i dont watch television" i understand is "i think i am smarter than you. i make better choices. the things i like are intelligent, homegrown, pure, simple, and perfect. but most importantly i am better than you."
and thats okay. i am all about putting people down in public as long as we know what jackasses we are ourselves.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
bored!
i did my dishes and laundry. the decorative stitching on my vans, the stitching on the toes came unraveled so i went ahead and sewed that back on. i decoupaged some pictures from W magazine with madonna onto an old frame.
my ipod is working again so i added a bunch of new music and started a new rating system.
***** Excellent! I want to hear it right now.
**** Excellent, but I can hold off.
*** Great song, but I'm over it.
** Annoying, but good
* Crappy, but need it on my iPod
no stars songs I delete
Has anybody played Second Life? It is ridiculous. Really fun but dangerous for me, we'll see how it goes.
I don't watch any talk shows except Martha. I am annoyed by all the others.
I would like to start or join a writing group. i would like to do or be involved in something theatrical. I need help finding and getting over my fear of job.
Today is blah.
my ipod is working again so i added a bunch of new music and started a new rating system.
***** Excellent! I want to hear it right now.
**** Excellent, but I can hold off.
*** Great song, but I'm over it.
** Annoying, but good
* Crappy, but need it on my iPod
no stars songs I delete
Has anybody played Second Life? It is ridiculous. Really fun but dangerous for me, we'll see how it goes.
I don't watch any talk shows except Martha. I am annoyed by all the others.
I would like to start or join a writing group. i would like to do or be involved in something theatrical. I need help finding and getting over my fear of job.
Today is blah.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
i am not my bank account
fabulous discovery! no matter what happens to that ole' pile of nickels i am not my bank account.
laundry started ya'll. boo yah! and i hope this inspires you to do whatever it is you've been meaning to do. today laundry, tomorrow owning a castle in england that my whole family can live in--- very far apart, of course.
i started looking for castles to buy online-- turns out there are not a lot of them. i want a big one. i could conquer a country, but that may be setting unrealistic goals.
whew it really heated up in my apartment, took the shirt off and i got the music just crankin.' Madonna's "History" a lackluster song but whatever.
todays video spotlight is on the B-52's. I went to see them three times in concert, all in the summer. so summer makes me think of them. twice at the "world music theatre" and once at ravinia where kara and i had a religious experience walking around and listening to the now grown up B-52's dorks with kids singing along to "Love Shack." Here is one of my favorites. "Song For A Future Generation"
also since we're talking summer. my favorite summer movie is "do the right thing." i am going to watch it with my dude.
laundry started ya'll. boo yah! and i hope this inspires you to do whatever it is you've been meaning to do. today laundry, tomorrow owning a castle in england that my whole family can live in--- very far apart, of course.
i started looking for castles to buy online-- turns out there are not a lot of them. i want a big one. i could conquer a country, but that may be setting unrealistic goals.
whew it really heated up in my apartment, took the shirt off and i got the music just crankin.' Madonna's "History" a lackluster song but whatever.
todays video spotlight is on the B-52's. I went to see them three times in concert, all in the summer. so summer makes me think of them. twice at the "world music theatre" and once at ravinia where kara and i had a religious experience walking around and listening to the now grown up B-52's dorks with kids singing along to "Love Shack." Here is one of my favorites. "Song For A Future Generation"
also since we're talking summer. my favorite summer movie is "do the right thing." i am going to watch it with my dude.
your account is overdrawn
your account is overdrawn. friendly email reminders from chase bank. thanks for ruining my day! suck my assh*le. their fault not mine. not true.
missed my appointment at the apple bar or whatever its called, to get my ipod fixed. even though this is really minor, it put me in an ass mood. baby was sleepy. baby had to go back to bed. i did awaken at 6:30 with high hopes. but i am now idle.
my next goal is to do laundry. yes, thats what i shall do. oh! and turn off the air conditioning unit and let some fresh air get in.
just did it. birds are outside and sound of cars and movement of things. train going by as we speak! a real cacophonous cavalcade.
let it go. let it all go. any expectations, dreams hopes plans, for the moment can be put on hold. laundry, simple task.
missed my appointment at the apple bar or whatever its called, to get my ipod fixed. even though this is really minor, it put me in an ass mood. baby was sleepy. baby had to go back to bed. i did awaken at 6:30 with high hopes. but i am now idle.
my next goal is to do laundry. yes, thats what i shall do. oh! and turn off the air conditioning unit and let some fresh air get in.
just did it. birds are outside and sound of cars and movement of things. train going by as we speak! a real cacophonous cavalcade.
let it go. let it all go. any expectations, dreams hopes plans, for the moment can be put on hold. laundry, simple task.
Friday, June 01, 2007
Russia is Cold Enough!
I have the oprah winfrey show theme song from the tenth year in my head. it was sung by paul simon.
You are moving on a crowded street
Through various shades of people
In the summers harshest heat
A story in your eye
Well, speak until your minds at ease
Thank you, I will. I am spending a couple days in Crystal Lake, my hometown. I met with my sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Casey. She said that I look the same. Sweet Jesus! If you could see what I looked like in sixth grade. I told her that I had jaw surgery, that I couldn't look the same. She said I looked the same.
I also went through some childhood documents. History papers from senior year that had a big fat F on them. Two papers from my senior year in high school-- one on Stalin. I have no memory of writing a paper on Stalin. It was called "Russia is Cold Enough!" and a paper on homosexuality on Greek mythology called, "Hercules had a boyfriend." The note from the teacher on that one suggested that even though there was man love in Greek mythology there is a difference between love love and sexual love. Ok, Mrs. Bartholomew. From what I've seen of those Greek gods, it's clear to me that there was some hot man lovin' going on back then.
So many gays on the buses shooting downtown from their gold coast apartments. What are they doing? Shopping. Keeping up with the gay Jones.' I imagine that there are just huge drug taking, gay orgies in these tall lakefront apartment buildings at night and then during the day these boys go shopping on Michigan Ave. Perhaps they're just going to work.
My iPod died.
I have one cat named Oliver who I named after Oliver Crumz a dancer for Madonna's Blond Ambition tour. He has never beeen interested in me.
Umm, first I'm writing about cats. Second, when I told my dad I wanted to go back to school, he compared me to someone that is one of my biggest nightmares of becoming. This person shall remain nameless. (email me) It's all in good fun.
Knock on computer, I am feeling better. This happened because I am feeling more hopeful about my future, I am more involved with people and taking my medication as prescribed. I forgot about one pill that I was taking and just stopped. Pills, pills, pills. "Stable as a table."
I am not interested in Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears. Pop Culture has become very very boring. I say keep watching QVC. That's what it is all about.
You are moving on a crowded street
Through various shades of people
In the summers harshest heat
A story in your eye
Well, speak until your minds at ease
Thank you, I will. I am spending a couple days in Crystal Lake, my hometown. I met with my sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Casey. She said that I look the same. Sweet Jesus! If you could see what I looked like in sixth grade. I told her that I had jaw surgery, that I couldn't look the same. She said I looked the same.
I also went through some childhood documents. History papers from senior year that had a big fat F on them. Two papers from my senior year in high school-- one on Stalin. I have no memory of writing a paper on Stalin. It was called "Russia is Cold Enough!" and a paper on homosexuality on Greek mythology called, "Hercules had a boyfriend." The note from the teacher on that one suggested that even though there was man love in Greek mythology there is a difference between love love and sexual love. Ok, Mrs. Bartholomew. From what I've seen of those Greek gods, it's clear to me that there was some hot man lovin' going on back then.
So many gays on the buses shooting downtown from their gold coast apartments. What are they doing? Shopping. Keeping up with the gay Jones.' I imagine that there are just huge drug taking, gay orgies in these tall lakefront apartment buildings at night and then during the day these boys go shopping on Michigan Ave. Perhaps they're just going to work.
My iPod died.
I have one cat named Oliver who I named after Oliver Crumz a dancer for Madonna's Blond Ambition tour. He has never beeen interested in me.
Umm, first I'm writing about cats. Second, when I told my dad I wanted to go back to school, he compared me to someone that is one of my biggest nightmares of becoming. This person shall remain nameless. (email me) It's all in good fun.
Knock on computer, I am feeling better. This happened because I am feeling more hopeful about my future, I am more involved with people and taking my medication as prescribed. I forgot about one pill that I was taking and just stopped. Pills, pills, pills. "Stable as a table."
I am not interested in Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears. Pop Culture has become very very boring. I say keep watching QVC. That's what it is all about.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
dishes still not done
i can not believe i was in los angeles for a month! i was just laying in my bed and i had a flashback of my apartment there. the bed, the couch, the kitchen counter, the shower, the cement sidewalk leading to the little convienient mart where i bought my cigarettes. i remember how scared i was there. jesus christ. so scared. just this terrible fear. i feel it now too. hot and flushed, this prickly sensation all over my body, my stomach tied in knots. scared of what?
most of my anxiety at the current moment is about money-- but there i had prepared myself and money wasn't a concern. i react to stress in the most obnoxious, oversensitive over-the-top way. chicken little, the sky is falling. the sky is falling. i will alert others to the fact that the sky IS falling. they listen but there is always a raised eyebrow.
i know deep down that the sky is not falling. mama needs some help.
is this fear is why people drink, do drugs, play video games all the time? escape. escape.
my psychology class last summer. Freud talks about work being very important to a healthy mind. very true. i am so afraid of it. am i afraid of it? jesus christ. get over it.
i will get over this. ive been here before.
most of my anxiety at the current moment is about money-- but there i had prepared myself and money wasn't a concern. i react to stress in the most obnoxious, oversensitive over-the-top way. chicken little, the sky is falling. the sky is falling. i will alert others to the fact that the sky IS falling. they listen but there is always a raised eyebrow.
i know deep down that the sky is not falling. mama needs some help.
is this fear is why people drink, do drugs, play video games all the time? escape. escape.
my psychology class last summer. Freud talks about work being very important to a healthy mind. very true. i am so afraid of it. am i afraid of it? jesus christ. get over it.
i will get over this. ive been here before.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
jeremy show mix
haha! child piano prodigy on ellen. give me a break. i have had one goal for the last forty eight hours- to clean my dishes and i havent been able to accomplish that. god bless america. GOD BLESS AMERICA!
it is interesting how i, when in this mind set, can
a. forget, or dismiss every accomplishment i have ever acheived
b. become convinced that i will never be able to acheive another thing ever
i see the homeless people on the streets and i think (instead of giving them money
which would be a nice thing) that i will end up like them. dirty hair, sweatpants, drunk, smoking a cigarette. the only difference right now is that i am in an apartment and i am not drunk.
i should start with the man in the mirror. i should ask him to make a change.
god i loved that song when it came out, man in the mirror by mrs. michael jackson. the scary woman who likes to give the jesus juice to the kids. i thought he looked so put together on that 12 inch maxi record. the cover had a silvery metallic finish that was so exciting. where did it all go wrong?
many of you have been requesting my official statement on the rosie scandal. i have thought a lot about it and listened to many different opinions on the topic. i think that rosie was an unusally real person on television. she said what came to her mind, uncensored. i think this is what got her in trouble. instead of talking about "american idol" or "the bachelor" ad nauseam she talked about what really mattered to her and that was what got her in trouble. and most importantly she was an overweight lesbian woman. this is not allowed. people like rosie are not allowed to have voices on television. and she was quickly told that and beaten and bruised until she was forced out.
i love "the view" because women with opinions are allowed to talk --for awhile. until they are dragged through the media and stoned to death, star jones and rosie o'donnell.
anyway, i feel good this morning. i do feel a sense that i have no responsiblity and no direction. my therapist says i need structure. i think this is true.
And now its time for my SUMMER MIX contest!! It's all about me. "There's only one star on The Jeremy Show and thats me remember!"
So you will receive The Jeremy Show Summer Mix, DONT TALK JUST KISS
A collection of utterly perfect Jeremy songs for your summer.
Be the first or second person to answer this question correctly-
What was the first word uttered on I Love Lucy? (Not including the pilot episode)
email your answer to jeremy@thejeremyshow.com
Good Luck.
it is interesting how i, when in this mind set, can
a. forget, or dismiss every accomplishment i have ever acheived
b. become convinced that i will never be able to acheive another thing ever
i see the homeless people on the streets and i think (instead of giving them money
which would be a nice thing) that i will end up like them. dirty hair, sweatpants, drunk, smoking a cigarette. the only difference right now is that i am in an apartment and i am not drunk.
i should start with the man in the mirror. i should ask him to make a change.
god i loved that song when it came out, man in the mirror by mrs. michael jackson. the scary woman who likes to give the jesus juice to the kids. i thought he looked so put together on that 12 inch maxi record. the cover had a silvery metallic finish that was so exciting. where did it all go wrong?
many of you have been requesting my official statement on the rosie scandal. i have thought a lot about it and listened to many different opinions on the topic. i think that rosie was an unusally real person on television. she said what came to her mind, uncensored. i think this is what got her in trouble. instead of talking about "american idol" or "the bachelor" ad nauseam she talked about what really mattered to her and that was what got her in trouble. and most importantly she was an overweight lesbian woman. this is not allowed. people like rosie are not allowed to have voices on television. and she was quickly told that and beaten and bruised until she was forced out.
i love "the view" because women with opinions are allowed to talk --for awhile. until they are dragged through the media and stoned to death, star jones and rosie o'donnell.
anyway, i feel good this morning. i do feel a sense that i have no responsiblity and no direction. my therapist says i need structure. i think this is true.
And now its time for my SUMMER MIX contest!! It's all about me. "There's only one star on The Jeremy Show and thats me remember!"
So you will receive The Jeremy Show Summer Mix, DONT TALK JUST KISS
A collection of utterly perfect Jeremy songs for your summer.
Be the first or second person to answer this question correctly-
What was the first word uttered on I Love Lucy? (Not including the pilot episode)
email your answer to jeremy@thejeremyshow.com
Good Luck.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
train notes
Crisis today for a lady on the train. On the phone was Don. Was Don going to pick up the child? Another concern was what was for dinner. The woman's mother had chicken. So chicken is what they were having, no question. She didn't want to worry about it. The deal was done. Chicken, period.
One woman behind me pointed out an article to her friend that she had written in a magazine. I couldn't determine the magazine. It was about "wacky diets"- not her idea she assured her friend.
Cute black man talked on his cell phone. His name was Mel. He drank water out of a styrofoam cup made for coffee. "I'm going to Tampa on Friday"
A woman stares blankly at a picture of Donald Trump on the cover of a newspaper.
I'm thinking I need to be prescribed cocaine. Medical cocaine. I've never taken cocaine. I think I just need stimulated pharmeucetically beyond just antidepressants. If someone could develop Miracle-Gro for humans. That doesn't make any sense.
And don't fucking tell me to eat right and not smoke and pay bills and get a job. These tricks are not a fix.
Woman who was looking at Trump now doing Sodoku.
I'm so fucking pissed at myself and that does no one any good. Rise above. Get wings first.
"They get paranoid in general," the "wacky diets" writer tells her friend about Alzheimer's patients. It's a new story she's working on.
I am slightly paranoid that someone might come on the train and start shooting people. Interesting mind when depressed.
Train conductor flirts with the woman who looked at Trump and then did Sodoku.
I think a Willy Wonka themed party would be obnoxious to say nothing of confusing. Which Wonka to choose- Gene Wilder or Johnny Depp. Very different. No one suggested this idea, I don't know why I even thought of this.
One woman behind me pointed out an article to her friend that she had written in a magazine. I couldn't determine the magazine. It was about "wacky diets"- not her idea she assured her friend.
Cute black man talked on his cell phone. His name was Mel. He drank water out of a styrofoam cup made for coffee. "I'm going to Tampa on Friday"
A woman stares blankly at a picture of Donald Trump on the cover of a newspaper.
I'm thinking I need to be prescribed cocaine. Medical cocaine. I've never taken cocaine. I think I just need stimulated pharmeucetically beyond just antidepressants. If someone could develop Miracle-Gro for humans. That doesn't make any sense.
And don't fucking tell me to eat right and not smoke and pay bills and get a job. These tricks are not a fix.
Woman who was looking at Trump now doing Sodoku.
I'm so fucking pissed at myself and that does no one any good. Rise above. Get wings first.
"They get paranoid in general," the "wacky diets" writer tells her friend about Alzheimer's patients. It's a new story she's working on.
I am slightly paranoid that someone might come on the train and start shooting people. Interesting mind when depressed.
Train conductor flirts with the woman who looked at Trump and then did Sodoku.
I think a Willy Wonka themed party would be obnoxious to say nothing of confusing. Which Wonka to choose- Gene Wilder or Johnny Depp. Very different. No one suggested this idea, I don't know why I even thought of this.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
KARA
I watched American Idol tonight and although I did enjoy seeing Bette Midler and Blake is so cute he needs a spanking I will say the best thing I watched tonight was "The Kara Buller Show." Here it is in its entirety.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
have a nice day
I am very sad that Melinda is leaving American Idol. I didnt realize how much I loved her until she left. I didnt vote at all this year. I wonder if others did the same and this is why she left.
But we move on from such things.
I had a very bad dream that I was getting bad grades in some class. Last night I had bad dreams too. I think its my cough medication. Last night I poured it down the toilet after I took a dose. I think its making me sicker than my sickness. I have pneumonia by the way- which was diagnosed very rapidly by a friendly new doctor.
I am loving the blue sky and the mild weather.
Madonna has a new single out which I listened to once. Gonna have to let that one sit for a bit. Not sure how I feel about it.
Today I have to go buy a somewhat nice outfit at Target.
I am so sick of television right now. Blahhhhhhhhh. It's all I have been doing. The View, Martha, The Office-- blecch. I mean I love them all to death. But there is more to life.
The best time I've had in awhile? Thanks for asking. Spending the evening at my boyfriends house. It was very hot. I was a little nervous cuz I tend to be a baby about air conditioning and smoking. I managed. On the fifth floor laying in bed with the windows wide open, falling asleep to this hypnotic "Sorry" interlude.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
ergophobia #2
For pete's sake. So, I took this PA job for a "major reality show." I left after 6 hours of sitting in a hotel room doing nothing. The whole time I was there, the only thing I did was fill two ice buckets. They weren't actually ice buckets they were garbage cans. I was told to use the garbage cans as ice buckets. There were five other gentlemen PA's there. Some of them were asked to go do other stuff because they had cars.
Maybe I'm not a nice person. And I'll just come out and say it- I'm insecure. And I don't mean to spread negativity. Kara was telling me about this saying "You spot it. You got it." Meaning that if you see something in someone else that really bothers you, you might have that same quality and that is probably why it bothers you so much.
That said-
I couldn't take another second with these people. There was this bitch of a producer lady who was real stupid. All dark hair in a ponytail and tomboy lesbian acting talking on her cellphone. Real annoying. And then this blond woman with an australian accent. And then some gay guy and a bunch of other guys and I didn't like them at all. Not one single person. Perhaps it was my attitude and not the entire production crew that was the problem. Whatever. I don't care. It was fucking retarted and I hated it.
So I left. I was beating myself up about it but as I look back on it I am happy with myself for leaving. So ridiculous. That's not how I roll.
Anyway, so back to the drawing board as far as jobs go. I am a very sensitive, rather crazy person. I am beginning to accept this. I don't think I am going to be happy in a traditional job. Oprah had a show on all about "Do You!" meaning you have to do what you are good at and what you enjoy and you will be happy.
What I enjoy-
morning television
pop culture
decoupage
writing things
helping people write things
working with kara
going to disneyland with my boyfriend
helping heather come up with ideas for her store
smoking- although its really gotta stop, i cant take the constant disapproval from society, family and friends
What I do not enjoy-
working for people who are disorganized and stupid
working on things that mean nothing to me
highly stressful situations
I don't know I guess that's all jobs. Hey, look people I'm trying to figure myself out here. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Give me a break.
and Dr. Will on Young and the Restless
Some real bad acting. It's like he finds himself so charming he can't stop smiling.
Maybe I'm not a nice person. And I'll just come out and say it- I'm insecure. And I don't mean to spread negativity. Kara was telling me about this saying "You spot it. You got it." Meaning that if you see something in someone else that really bothers you, you might have that same quality and that is probably why it bothers you so much.
That said-
I couldn't take another second with these people. There was this bitch of a producer lady who was real stupid. All dark hair in a ponytail and tomboy lesbian acting talking on her cellphone. Real annoying. And then this blond woman with an australian accent. And then some gay guy and a bunch of other guys and I didn't like them at all. Not one single person. Perhaps it was my attitude and not the entire production crew that was the problem. Whatever. I don't care. It was fucking retarted and I hated it.
So I left. I was beating myself up about it but as I look back on it I am happy with myself for leaving. So ridiculous. That's not how I roll.
Anyway, so back to the drawing board as far as jobs go. I am a very sensitive, rather crazy person. I am beginning to accept this. I don't think I am going to be happy in a traditional job. Oprah had a show on all about "Do You!" meaning you have to do what you are good at and what you enjoy and you will be happy.
What I enjoy-
morning television
pop culture
decoupage
writing things
helping people write things
working with kara
going to disneyland with my boyfriend
helping heather come up with ideas for her store
smoking- although its really gotta stop, i cant take the constant disapproval from society, family and friends
What I do not enjoy-
working for people who are disorganized and stupid
working on things that mean nothing to me
highly stressful situations
I don't know I guess that's all jobs. Hey, look people I'm trying to figure myself out here. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Give me a break.
and Dr. Will on Young and the Restless
Some real bad acting. It's like he finds himself so charming he can't stop smiling.
Friday, April 27, 2007
i wouldnt normally do this kind of thing
What place would you visit if money were no object?
PLUTO
What one person could you meet in the world – alive or dead?
LUCILLE BALL
If you could go back to a certain year in time, what year would you choose?
1976
What immorality do you think is overrated?
ODD QUESTION, GOSSIP
Worst habit?
SMOKING
One thing you could change about yourself?
MORE OUTGOING
Best memory from childhood?
PUPPET STAGE MY DAD BUILT ME
It's the last day on earth, what do you do?
TRY TO GET WITH EVERYONE I LOVE
Death Penalty? For or against?
AGAINST
Guilty pleasure food?
CHEESE COVERED JALEPENO KRUNCHERS MELTED IN MICROWAVE
If you could have any job, what wuold it be?
COMEDY WRITER
Do you believe in heaven and hell?
NO
A & W or Barqs?
UGHH BARQS, I LIKE THEIR BRAND BETTER, PLUS IT HAS BITE
Weirdest thing ever eaten?
A "NERD" OFF OF THE BOTTOM OF HILLARYS BARE FEET
What was your curfew growing up?
IT VARIED, MIDNIGHT
Do you think your parents were too strict growing up?
NO
How many friends do you have that you talk to at least once a year?
OVER 10 ISH
Name your 5 movies your bring on an island with you
IM GOING TO TELL YOU A SECRET, BIG BUSINESS, FINDING NEMO, HUSBANDS AND WIVES, LONGTIME COMPANION
Worst fashion in your closet?
WHITE GIRLS SWEATPANTS
Best feeling?
FALLING ASLEEP
How many languages do you speak?
UNO
What's your family like?
NICE, SUPPORTIVE, DYSFUNCTIONAL
Do you read much?
NOT TOO OFTEN, I LISTEN TO A LOT OF AUDIOBOOKS
What was the last compliment you received?
I LOOK 19 (?)
Are you rude?
SOMETIMES, I THINK MY SHYNESS, INSECURITY COMES OFF AS RUDENESS
Do you hold grudges?
YES, UNFORTUNATELY, NOT TOO MANY
Do you smile a lot?
YEAH
Do you cry a lot?
NO, ALMOST NEVER, I WANT TO THOUGH
What is one thing that annoys you?
WHEN PEOPLE SAY, "I'll be honest..." AS IF EVERYTHING ELSE WAS A LIE
What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?
HONESTY
Who is your oldest friend?
KARA/HEATHER
How long have you known them?
SINCE 6TH GRADE
Do you like to Kiss?
YES
Are you a good Kisser?
YES, BUT ISNT EVERYONE?
Do you sleep naked?
SOMETIMES
What do you wear to bed?
BOXER SHORTS, T SHIRT
Whats your wallpaper on your cellphone?
KEITH HARING PICURE OF A DJ
Favorite alcoholic drink?
VODKA CRANBERRY
Favorite flower?
GARDENIA, ROSES
If you could buy 5 of the things on your wishlist,what would they be?
OH GOD, A HOUSE, A CAR, A BUSINESS, A VIDEO IPOD, AND GROCERIES
An object you can't live without:
MEDICATION
Whats your favourite literary character?
HOLDEN CAUFIELD, JESUS
Whats your favorite food?
MACARONI AND CHEESE
What is your favorite restaurant & where is it?
CHARLIES ALE HOUSE PUB, ANDERSONVILLE, CUZ I CAN SMOKE AND THEY HAVE MAC AND CHEESE WITH BROCOLLI AND HAM
Whats your favorite class in school?
WORLD LIT
Whos your favorite sports player?
RUGBY PLAYERS
What's your favorite commercial?
CRITICAL STUDIES TV
What's your favorite store?
UNCLE FUN
What name brand do you wear the most?
TARGET CLOTHES
What's the most expensive thing you own?
COMPUTER
How many handbags do you own?
NONE, SUPRISINGLY
How many pairs of shoes do you own?
5
What shoes did you wear today?
BLACK DRESS SHOES
Your first crush?
CHERYL
Are you a member of the mile high club?
NO
Could you live without sex?
BIOLOGICALLY YES
Would you pretend to be someone's bf/gf?
NO, TOO MUCH TROUBLE
Did you ever tell someone you loved them and didn't really mean it?
NO
What’s the longest you’ve ever been single?
30 YEARS
What has been the longest that you went with out sex?
YEAR OR SO
Age you lost your virginity?
17
Was it good?
NOPE
How old was the person you lost your virginity to?:
18
How long was your longest relationship?
8 MONTHS
Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
CANT REMEMBER, PROBABLY NOT
Do you stay friends with your ex's?
HOPE SO
Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?
DONT HAVE ANY
What would you say if an ex said
HUH?
Do you have more male friends or female?
FEMALE
What are 3 of the first things you notice about the opposite sex:?
BODY STRUCTURE, EYES, SMILE
This or that:
What would you rather have, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur?
COOK
Would you rather be rich or famous?
RICH
Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
DEPENDS
Is the glass half empty or half full?
HALF EMPTY
Rock, paper, or scissors?
SCISSORS
Are you a night owl or early to bed person?
NIGHT OWL, BUT LOVE MORNINGS
Sunrise or sunset?
SUNRISE!
Hot or cold?
COLD
Wine or beer?
BEER
Resturant or fast food?
FAST FFOD
Pj's or birthday suit?
PJS
Lace or satin?
BOTH ARE CRAP, LACE I GUESS
Strawberries n cream or leather n lace?
BOTH MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE, LEATHER I GUESS, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH THE LACE. JESUS!
Tied up or tie them up?
TIED UP, UGH THIS IS RIDICULOUS
Country or city?
CITY
Ocean or pool?
OCEAN
Hug or kiss?
KISS
Conservative or wild party animal ?
CONSERVATIVE PARTY ANIMAL
Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn ?
BUTTERED SALTED
Chocolate or Flowers ?
FLOWERS
Spring or fall?
SPRING
Pancakes or french toast?
PANCAKES
Have you ever:
Have you ever made out with just a friend? YES
Have you ever been hit on by the same sex? YES
Have you ever broke someone's heart? YES
Have you ever paid more than 100 dollars for a pair of jeans? NO
Have you ever flown in a plane? YES
Have you ever been to a casino? YES
Been to Canada? NO
Been to Mexico? NO
Been to the other side of the world? NO
Been to jail? NO
Have you ever fired a gun? NO
Have you ever hitchhiked? NO
Ever done
Have you ever belonged to a gang? NO
Ever picked up a hitch hiker? NO
Have you ever ridden a horse? YES
Have you ever fed a cow? YES
Have you ever done graffiti? YES
Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? NO
Have you ever climbed up a tree? YES
Ever had surgery? YES
Had sex with 2 different people in the same day? NEXT QUESTION
Speak your mind about anything? YES
Ever worn PJs to school/work? NO BUT THAT SOUNDS CRAZY!!!!
Touched a snake? YES
Caught a fish, & ate it? NO
Broken a bone? YES
Been told you were hot by a complete stranger? YES
Finish the sentence:
My ex... UGH WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS. I AM GETTING ANGRY.
When I wake up in the morning... I DRINK COFFEE.
Tomorrow... IS SATURDAY.
I have low tolerance.. FOR PEOPLE I DONT KNOW.
Parties are... USUALLY NOT FUN.
Life is... JUST A PARTY THATS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.
My past is… SO FUCKING INTERESTING AND BRILLIANT.
Do you read the newspaper? NO
Do you think tattoos are cool? YES
Do you like being on time? YES
Do you collect anything? SMALL PLASTIC FIGURINES
For girls* Does size below matter? YES
What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/ev A LOT
Would you try to take over the world? NO
Who’s the last person you stayed up late talking to on the phone? KARA
The last place you went to on a plane? CHICAGO
Do you cry at weddings? NO
Are you nice to everyone no matter what their age, race or gender? NO
Do you go hunting (deer, duck, etc.)? ABSOLUTELY!
Do you know the lyrics to more than 50 songs? YES
Are you too shy to ask someone out? NO
How many pillows do you sleep with? FOUR
What country in the entire world would you most like to visit? FRANCE
What did the last text message you received say? NONE O YO BUSINESS
Do you own an iPod? YES
When did you last attend a party? HILLARY AND JOSH
When is the next one? MY GRADUATION
Do you have ADD? NO
Can you sing the National Anthem all the way through? NO
What is the last movie you saw? STARTING AGAIN THE JOAN AND MELISSA RIVERS STORY
How many times are your ears pierced?: 3
Would you kill someone if you had to? NO
Who's the one person you call when life just sucks that day? KARA
What the most romantic night you've ever had? WHEN E MADE ME DINNER
Do you return calls when you say you will? SOMETIMES
Do you take advice when it's given? SOMETIMES
Do you have anything on your mind right now? YES, I NEED TO GO
If you could be doing anything right now what would it be? SLEEPING
PLUTO
What one person could you meet in the world – alive or dead?
LUCILLE BALL
If you could go back to a certain year in time, what year would you choose?
1976
What immorality do you think is overrated?
ODD QUESTION, GOSSIP
Worst habit?
SMOKING
One thing you could change about yourself?
MORE OUTGOING
Best memory from childhood?
PUPPET STAGE MY DAD BUILT ME
It's the last day on earth, what do you do?
TRY TO GET WITH EVERYONE I LOVE
Death Penalty? For or against?
AGAINST
Guilty pleasure food?
CHEESE COVERED JALEPENO KRUNCHERS MELTED IN MICROWAVE
If you could have any job, what wuold it be?
COMEDY WRITER
Do you believe in heaven and hell?
NO
A & W or Barqs?
UGHH BARQS, I LIKE THEIR BRAND BETTER, PLUS IT HAS BITE
Weirdest thing ever eaten?
A "NERD" OFF OF THE BOTTOM OF HILLARYS BARE FEET
What was your curfew growing up?
IT VARIED, MIDNIGHT
Do you think your parents were too strict growing up?
NO
How many friends do you have that you talk to at least once a year?
OVER 10 ISH
Name your 5 movies your bring on an island with you
IM GOING TO TELL YOU A SECRET, BIG BUSINESS, FINDING NEMO, HUSBANDS AND WIVES, LONGTIME COMPANION
Worst fashion in your closet?
WHITE GIRLS SWEATPANTS
Best feeling?
FALLING ASLEEP
How many languages do you speak?
UNO
What's your family like?
NICE, SUPPORTIVE, DYSFUNCTIONAL
Do you read much?
NOT TOO OFTEN, I LISTEN TO A LOT OF AUDIOBOOKS
What was the last compliment you received?
I LOOK 19 (?)
Are you rude?
SOMETIMES, I THINK MY SHYNESS, INSECURITY COMES OFF AS RUDENESS
Do you hold grudges?
YES, UNFORTUNATELY, NOT TOO MANY
Do you smile a lot?
YEAH
Do you cry a lot?
NO, ALMOST NEVER, I WANT TO THOUGH
What is one thing that annoys you?
WHEN PEOPLE SAY, "I'll be honest..." AS IF EVERYTHING ELSE WAS A LIE
What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?
HONESTY
Who is your oldest friend?
KARA/HEATHER
How long have you known them?
SINCE 6TH GRADE
Do you like to Kiss?
YES
Are you a good Kisser?
YES, BUT ISNT EVERYONE?
Do you sleep naked?
SOMETIMES
What do you wear to bed?
BOXER SHORTS, T SHIRT
Whats your wallpaper on your cellphone?
KEITH HARING PICURE OF A DJ
Favorite alcoholic drink?
VODKA CRANBERRY
Favorite flower?
GARDENIA, ROSES
If you could buy 5 of the things on your wishlist,what would they be?
OH GOD, A HOUSE, A CAR, A BUSINESS, A VIDEO IPOD, AND GROCERIES
An object you can't live without:
MEDICATION
Whats your favourite literary character?
HOLDEN CAUFIELD, JESUS
Whats your favorite food?
MACARONI AND CHEESE
What is your favorite restaurant & where is it?
CHARLIES ALE HOUSE PUB, ANDERSONVILLE, CUZ I CAN SMOKE AND THEY HAVE MAC AND CHEESE WITH BROCOLLI AND HAM
Whats your favorite class in school?
WORLD LIT
Whos your favorite sports player?
RUGBY PLAYERS
What's your favorite commercial?
CRITICAL STUDIES TV
What's your favorite store?
UNCLE FUN
What name brand do you wear the most?
TARGET CLOTHES
What's the most expensive thing you own?
COMPUTER
How many handbags do you own?
NONE, SUPRISINGLY
How many pairs of shoes do you own?
5
What shoes did you wear today?
BLACK DRESS SHOES
Your first crush?
CHERYL
Are you a member of the mile high club?
NO
Could you live without sex?
BIOLOGICALLY YES
Would you pretend to be someone's bf/gf?
NO, TOO MUCH TROUBLE
Did you ever tell someone you loved them and didn't really mean it?
NO
What’s the longest you’ve ever been single?
30 YEARS
What has been the longest that you went with out sex?
YEAR OR SO
Age you lost your virginity?
17
Was it good?
NOPE
How old was the person you lost your virginity to?:
18
How long was your longest relationship?
8 MONTHS
Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
CANT REMEMBER, PROBABLY NOT
Do you stay friends with your ex's?
HOPE SO
Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?
DONT HAVE ANY
What would you say if an ex said
HUH?
Do you have more male friends or female?
FEMALE
What are 3 of the first things you notice about the opposite sex:?
BODY STRUCTURE, EYES, SMILE
This or that:
What would you rather have, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur?
COOK
Would you rather be rich or famous?
RICH
Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
DEPENDS
Is the glass half empty or half full?
HALF EMPTY
Rock, paper, or scissors?
SCISSORS
Are you a night owl or early to bed person?
NIGHT OWL, BUT LOVE MORNINGS
Sunrise or sunset?
SUNRISE!
Hot or cold?
COLD
Wine or beer?
BEER
Resturant or fast food?
FAST FFOD
Pj's or birthday suit?
PJS
Lace or satin?
BOTH ARE CRAP, LACE I GUESS
Strawberries n cream or leather n lace?
BOTH MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE, LEATHER I GUESS, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH THE LACE. JESUS!
Tied up or tie them up?
TIED UP, UGH THIS IS RIDICULOUS
Country or city?
CITY
Ocean or pool?
OCEAN
Hug or kiss?
KISS
Conservative or wild party animal ?
CONSERVATIVE PARTY ANIMAL
Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn ?
BUTTERED SALTED
Chocolate or Flowers ?
FLOWERS
Spring or fall?
SPRING
Pancakes or french toast?
PANCAKES
Have you ever:
Have you ever made out with just a friend? YES
Have you ever been hit on by the same sex? YES
Have you ever broke someone's heart? YES
Have you ever paid more than 100 dollars for a pair of jeans? NO
Have you ever flown in a plane? YES
Have you ever been to a casino? YES
Been to Canada? NO
Been to Mexico? NO
Been to the other side of the world? NO
Been to jail? NO
Have you ever fired a gun? NO
Have you ever hitchhiked? NO
Ever done
Have you ever belonged to a gang? NO
Ever picked up a hitch hiker? NO
Have you ever ridden a horse? YES
Have you ever fed a cow? YES
Have you ever done graffiti? YES
Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? NO
Have you ever climbed up a tree? YES
Ever had surgery? YES
Had sex with 2 different people in the same day? NEXT QUESTION
Speak your mind about anything? YES
Ever worn PJs to school/work? NO BUT THAT SOUNDS CRAZY!!!!
Touched a snake? YES
Caught a fish, & ate it? NO
Broken a bone? YES
Been told you were hot by a complete stranger? YES
Finish the sentence:
My ex... UGH WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS. I AM GETTING ANGRY.
When I wake up in the morning... I DRINK COFFEE.
Tomorrow... IS SATURDAY.
I have low tolerance.. FOR PEOPLE I DONT KNOW.
Parties are... USUALLY NOT FUN.
Life is... JUST A PARTY THATS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.
My past is… SO FUCKING INTERESTING AND BRILLIANT.
Do you read the newspaper? NO
Do you think tattoos are cool? YES
Do you like being on time? YES
Do you collect anything? SMALL PLASTIC FIGURINES
For girls* Does size below matter? YES
What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/ev A LOT
Would you try to take over the world? NO
Who’s the last person you stayed up late talking to on the phone? KARA
The last place you went to on a plane? CHICAGO
Do you cry at weddings? NO
Are you nice to everyone no matter what their age, race or gender? NO
Do you go hunting (deer, duck, etc.)? ABSOLUTELY!
Do you know the lyrics to more than 50 songs? YES
Are you too shy to ask someone out? NO
How many pillows do you sleep with? FOUR
What country in the entire world would you most like to visit? FRANCE
What did the last text message you received say? NONE O YO BUSINESS
Do you own an iPod? YES
When did you last attend a party? HILLARY AND JOSH
When is the next one? MY GRADUATION
Do you have ADD? NO
Can you sing the National Anthem all the way through? NO
What is the last movie you saw? STARTING AGAIN THE JOAN AND MELISSA RIVERS STORY
How many times are your ears pierced?: 3
Would you kill someone if you had to? NO
Who's the one person you call when life just sucks that day? KARA
What the most romantic night you've ever had? WHEN E MADE ME DINNER
Do you return calls when you say you will? SOMETIMES
Do you take advice when it's given? SOMETIMES
Do you have anything on your mind right now? YES, I NEED TO GO
If you could be doing anything right now what would it be? SLEEPING
Monday, April 23, 2007
Sunday, April 22, 2007
its a world of laughter
My gentleman friend has introduced me to a Disney artist named Mary Blair. Her style is immediately recognizable from Disney Movies and those Golden Books we all had when we were children (mine were peed on and chewed up by my dog Pepper).
Anyway, in these difficult times, her cheery, whimsical, colorful perspective makes me happy. Have a look.
Anyway, in these difficult times, her cheery, whimsical, colorful perspective makes me happy. Have a look.
Friday, April 20, 2007
4 in the morning
maybe if i got glasses things would be better. a nice sturdy pair of glasses that would say to the world i'm serious about me. unfortunately, i don't have vision problems, at least not in the literal sense.
it's 8:26 am. i plan to go back to bed after this post.
to do:
laundry
dishes
keep up the job search
i'm sorry i'm not as bright and bushy tailed as you would like.
it occured to me that i need not play the victim constantly. it also occured to be that i need not write publicly about my inner thoughts.
the only thing worth watching on television is american idol. i needn't worry about virginia tech. very sad, yes. no more information needed, thank you.
alec baldwin is calling his daughter a pig. this shouldn't concern me. i don't know him. i do not know alec baldwin.
it's 8:26 am. i plan to go back to bed after this post.
to do:
laundry
dishes
keep up the job search
i'm sorry i'm not as bright and bushy tailed as you would like.
it occured to me that i need not play the victim constantly. it also occured to be that i need not write publicly about my inner thoughts.
the only thing worth watching on television is american idol. i needn't worry about virginia tech. very sad, yes. no more information needed, thank you.
alec baldwin is calling his daughter a pig. this shouldn't concern me. i don't know him. i do not know alec baldwin.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
lifes candy and the suns a ball of butter
i have been reading (listening to) christopher anderson's "The Way She Is," a biography of barbra streisand. the book is a little much, and i love it. the basic theme is that barbra was and is very demanding. anderson's book is basically a list of every demand streisand has ever made in her life. flowers, makeup, camera angles...
well how the hell else are you supposed to get anything done in this world? how else are you supposed to "get a leg up," as my good friend ms. buller asks? jesus christ!
like streisand, i have learned the hard way- no one is going to do it for you. you have to make the calls, you have to set up the appointments, you have to take out enormous student loans, you have to do your laundry and you have to buy your own diet pepsi. and its exhausting. how dare anyone question anyone elses choices. how dare they!
like streisand, when i am on oprah, i too will demand a microphone the same color of whatever donna karan pantsuit i am wearing. i want the audience to look at me, not the microphone. these are things you just have to learn from being in the business!
no one is going to tell you that.
rarely is anyone going to help you out in this business of show. its a rough dirty business where egos collide like bumper cars at a carnival. if you want cotton candy, you have to get out of your bumper car and get it yourself! no one is going to get it for you. if you want to tickets for another ride you better get a job and buy them yourself. don't waste your time looking on the sawdust ground for dropped tickets, you'll spend your whole life doing that and by the time you find them the carnival will be closed. it doesn't matter how many tickets you find you'll never be able to ride the rides if there is no carnival. did you ever think about that?
all i'm saying is no one is going to appreciate what you do, ever. no matter how hard you try there will always be a pack of gum smacking naysayers commenting on the choices you've made in your life.
the trick is to ignore them. ignore everyone. put on your orange dress and fur hat and get on that boat.
well how the hell else are you supposed to get anything done in this world? how else are you supposed to "get a leg up," as my good friend ms. buller asks? jesus christ!
like streisand, i have learned the hard way- no one is going to do it for you. you have to make the calls, you have to set up the appointments, you have to take out enormous student loans, you have to do your laundry and you have to buy your own diet pepsi. and its exhausting. how dare anyone question anyone elses choices. how dare they!
like streisand, when i am on oprah, i too will demand a microphone the same color of whatever donna karan pantsuit i am wearing. i want the audience to look at me, not the microphone. these are things you just have to learn from being in the business!
no one is going to tell you that.
rarely is anyone going to help you out in this business of show. its a rough dirty business where egos collide like bumper cars at a carnival. if you want cotton candy, you have to get out of your bumper car and get it yourself! no one is going to get it for you. if you want to tickets for another ride you better get a job and buy them yourself. don't waste your time looking on the sawdust ground for dropped tickets, you'll spend your whole life doing that and by the time you find them the carnival will be closed. it doesn't matter how many tickets you find you'll never be able to ride the rides if there is no carnival. did you ever think about that?
all i'm saying is no one is going to appreciate what you do, ever. no matter how hard you try there will always be a pack of gum smacking naysayers commenting on the choices you've made in your life.
the trick is to ignore them. ignore everyone. put on your orange dress and fur hat and get on that boat.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
the story of easter
easter makes me think of sunday school in california. i remember half listening to some story about jesus dying and coming back to life. seemed a little suspicious. something about a rock being moved. the entrance to a cave where he was hiding? did he go into a cave? and then they found his dreamcoat?
jesus was crucified and on the third day (everything is in threes right? like die hard and back to the future movies) he rose again and he said that he had died for all of our sins. all very confusing. like murder she wrote.
i saw "who's afraid of virginia woolf" last night with Ms. Kathleen Turner. i went with two dear friends. the play was great. ms. turner, despite some coughing that wasn't in the script was genius! bill irwin was wonderful. although, i must say, like the story of easter and murder she wrote, i had trouble following. i had seen the movie and remembered that i liked it. but i know now that i liked it not because of the story but because of elizabeth taylor. in the climactic scene at the end where they are talking about their son, i wanted to get up, stop the play and say--
"ok. before we go on, was there a son? did you have a son or were you writing a book about a son? was the son gay? is that what all this fighting is about? because i remember that there was a movie that elizabeth taylor was in "suddenly last summer" where she's all upset because a gay guy killed himself. is that what this ones about? is martha barren? if we could have a quick discussion i think i would get a lot more out of this. and while we're at it- how old are you kathleen turner? and why the tj maxx pajama pants? elizabeth taylor did not wear those as i recall. and i loved you in war of the roses. and your voice reminds me of my friends mom. and i loved you in serial mom. and i did not see body heat but i know that was your breakout movie. thank you."
i did not say these things and i am still unclear as to what all the fighting was about. im sure my boyfriend can fill me in. oh how he must suffer with a mildly retarted boyfriend who cant digest a simple plot.
there were some mumblings in the bathroom during the play:
"she has arthritis, that's why she's so puffy. it's because of the medication she takes."
"she's just a puppy. she's fifty two. just a puppy." -- a puppy!!! gross
"i saw it in the seventies i think. must have been the seventies."
then after the play two old ladies, one with died eggplant hair with white roots and balding hair:
"aren't you glad we came. it's really exhausting. i knew you'd be glad we came"
stories are hard to follow and hard to tell. but that's not really the point, is it? the point is what you look like, if you're gay or not, where or if you can smoke, where the nearest 24 hour walgreens is, and if you think you can get by another day without taking a shower.
jesus was crucified and on the third day (everything is in threes right? like die hard and back to the future movies) he rose again and he said that he had died for all of our sins. all very confusing. like murder she wrote.
i saw "who's afraid of virginia woolf" last night with Ms. Kathleen Turner. i went with two dear friends. the play was great. ms. turner, despite some coughing that wasn't in the script was genius! bill irwin was wonderful. although, i must say, like the story of easter and murder she wrote, i had trouble following. i had seen the movie and remembered that i liked it. but i know now that i liked it not because of the story but because of elizabeth taylor. in the climactic scene at the end where they are talking about their son, i wanted to get up, stop the play and say--
"ok. before we go on, was there a son? did you have a son or were you writing a book about a son? was the son gay? is that what all this fighting is about? because i remember that there was a movie that elizabeth taylor was in "suddenly last summer" where she's all upset because a gay guy killed himself. is that what this ones about? is martha barren? if we could have a quick discussion i think i would get a lot more out of this. and while we're at it- how old are you kathleen turner? and why the tj maxx pajama pants? elizabeth taylor did not wear those as i recall. and i loved you in war of the roses. and your voice reminds me of my friends mom. and i loved you in serial mom. and i did not see body heat but i know that was your breakout movie. thank you."
i did not say these things and i am still unclear as to what all the fighting was about. im sure my boyfriend can fill me in. oh how he must suffer with a mildly retarted boyfriend who cant digest a simple plot.
there were some mumblings in the bathroom during the play:
"she has arthritis, that's why she's so puffy. it's because of the medication she takes."
"she's just a puppy. she's fifty two. just a puppy." -- a puppy!!! gross
"i saw it in the seventies i think. must have been the seventies."
then after the play two old ladies, one with died eggplant hair with white roots and balding hair:
"aren't you glad we came. it's really exhausting. i knew you'd be glad we came"
stories are hard to follow and hard to tell. but that's not really the point, is it? the point is what you look like, if you're gay or not, where or if you can smoke, where the nearest 24 hour walgreens is, and if you think you can get by another day without taking a shower.
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