have a nice day

I am very sad that Melinda is leaving American Idol. I didnt realize how much I loved her until she left. I didnt vote at all this year. I wonder if others did the same and this is why she left.

But we move on from such things.

I had a very bad dream that I was getting bad grades in some class. Last night I had bad dreams too. I think its my cough medication. Last night I poured it down the toilet after I took a dose. I think its making me sicker than my sickness. I have pneumonia by the way- which was diagnosed very rapidly by a friendly new doctor.

I am loving the blue sky and the mild weather.

Madonna has a new single out which I listened to once. Gonna have to let that one sit for a bit. Not sure how I feel about it.

Today I have to go buy a somewhat nice outfit at Target.

I am so sick of television right now. Blahhhhhhhhh. It's all I have been doing. The View, Martha, The Office-- blecch. I mean I love them all to death. But there is more to life.

The best time I've had in awhile? Thanks for asking. Spending the evening at my boyfriends house. It was very hot. I was a little nervous cuz I tend to be a baby about air conditioning and smoking. I managed. On the fifth floor laying in bed with the windows wide open, falling asleep to this hypnotic "Sorry" interlude.

dreaming of bush

i dreamt i was taking a class and was not getting along with a teacher. i didnt have the right book and was trying to tell the teacher and he didnt give a shit. i went to talk to the principal (played by president bush). he gave me a big hug. he was very understanding at first (and suprisingly sexy) but he turned on me. telling me i was not smart and that my whole college career had been a lie. i left his office. i tried to explain all this to kara and she turned on me too. so i cut the top of my left hand in protest with a bread knife. it started bleeding really badly and looked like chopped meat (probably because i had steak for dinner). we both freaked out and went next door to her neighbors. coincidentally there were paramedics at her neighbors house that bandaged up my hand.

i think i had this dream because i had two pieces of steak for dinner.

waking life

dreamed i was at a new school and i had to sign into their library system on a computer system. the library was huge and i kept changing computers because i couldnt figure out the sign in system. i finally found one and sat down and there was this cute guy sitting next to me. he warned me that if i tried to do anything that i better check in with mike upstairs. i told him "look, i dont know who mike is or where upstairs is so..."

i figured out the sign in system which consisted of the mouse being sucked into one of those tubes they have at banks.

after i signed in the cute guy told me "dude, you are attractive i could get you work on tv or in print." i wasnt buying it.

some walk by night

i had a dream that i was put in jail for a crime i did not commit. it was an amusement park jail and there was a gayland and i wasnt sure if i could stay there or not. i was just sort of dropped off at this jail/amusement park and felt like i should check in with someone before i started exploring the various themed burros. i enjoyed the gay area of the jail very much. it ended badly i believe- someone coming to get me out of the gay area. chew on that one.

ahem...so i was thinking about the moonlighting soundtrack. i got it during the moonlighting craze of the late nineteen eighties. i was very young don't recall how it came into my posession. yes i do. it was given to my grandfather as a promotional something or other because he was a tv critic. did i mention that? felt very special for having it. love television soundtracks, they seem so unneccessary. it was a record.
can't remember what my point was. just that i liked it, i guess.

dream on a july morning

i am at my old high school walking around. somehow end up in my science teacher's class. he doesnt remember me.
he tries to explain something to me using a sports metaphor. i tell him i will not understand what he is talking about if he uses that analogy. he then decides to use a "lord of the rings" analogy. again, i explain that i have no idea what he's talking about.
during all this he is writing some information on a car window. he asks me what my last name is and he writes my last name on the car window. he asks me where i live so he can determine how to spell it. i tell him i live in illinois, he asks "prairie?" meaning i guess that there is a "prairie style spelling" to my last name. he spells it wrong.
i speak to some of my old classmates who are attending a work program class. they are practicing waiting on tables. i tell one girl that i have never been a waiter before and that i have always been afraid of it. she tells me she felt the same way.

lets keep it confidential

Dream I was totally making out with this guy I totally shouldn't have been making out with...mmmm. Good dream.

then

I'm taping a television show with Barb slash Kara. Not Barb or Kara, a fusion of the two in one person. I don't know what the content of the show was but it was in someone's basement on a modular couch. They have these really crazy robotic arm cameras that flip around and look real simple and real difficult to operate at the same time. The producer tells me that she is fighting with her boss on her cellphone because he is not happy with the way our show is going. She tells me that the only reason she decided to do our really bad tv show was because she was sick of looking for other shows to do. She says that she is sick of the television business and just wants to go to Austria.

pizza guy

just before i woke up- bad dream of some sort and then dream of sandra bernhard with really short hair. need to leave the house.

ordered a pizza last night at 10 pm and the man delivering had the nerve to come into my apartment so he could find something on which to rub an impression of my credit card. lots of small talk coming only from him, "nice little place you got here," "it's really snowing out." he was distracted by "Reno 911" which I was watching and then finally decided upon the top of my computer monitor to do the rubbing. i don't know if the snow comment was supposed to make me want to give him a bigger tip. didn't work on me.

he told me to fill out "every line" on the credit card slip. yes sir. $21.32 on a disgusting pizza that i had to reheat in my own oven, which involved climbing on a chair and taking the battery out of my smoke detector. the pizza was still gross.

i have been really into lifetime original movies, so i found one to watch as i fell asleep. joanna kerns in "mother knows best" IMDB Plot Description-A woman urges her daughter to get married. And when her daughter does, she doesn't think that she made a good choice. So she goes out and hires a killer to kill her son-in-law. pretty typical plot outline for lifetime original movies but Joanna Kerns as a murderess really didn't do anything for me.

clap for that

dreamed i was friends with issac mizrahi. we met at a department store so he could buy me his cologne. i dont think he even has a cologne. i sensed that he was getting annoyed with me or wasn't totally cool with me.

then we started talking about the fact that he was in the beatles. i told him my mom's favorite beatle was paul.

we discussed the theme song to "the golden girls" and he claimed it was originally a song from an old musical. i tried to tell him that i was pretty sure it was written for the show.

then kara called and i woke up.

just another dream

dreamed i was working the morning shift at mcdonalds and started making french fries instead of hash browns. no one said anything, i covered it pretty well, just throwing out the french fries and putting some hash browns in.

then i saw that they were using the french fry station not for fries or hash browns but for salads.

scary dream

had a scary dream about some generic scary dude that was freaking me out. but, it ended really well because salma hayek(!?) came over at the end and summed it all up and made me feel better. thanks salma.

dream

Always a favorite with my subconscious, plane crash dreams.

I was on a plane and I was intentionally unbuckled. Kelsey Gramer was the co-pilot. He was talking to me. He told me that there were "four stages of flight." We were entering the third stage and he told me things were getting "punchy." We crashed on what looked like Lower Wacker Drive and it was flooded. Got a CTA card to board the next plane to wherever I was going. A flight attendant asked me if I had enough time to get something to eat before we took off again in two hours. I told her that was more than enough time.

dream

I was in Las Vegas with one of my classes. I was dissapointed that we were staying at the "Golden Source" hotel rather than the "Golden Nugget" hotel. We were planning a birthday party for someone and it was really lame.

I constantly dream about amusement parks. I think dreaming about Las Vegas was a variation on that. The amusement parks are always dissapointing or never work out. Sometimes I can't get in or the rides are closed, etc.

another dream

I am studying abroad in London. I am by myself, my school self. A red and blue atomic bomb is dropped on London, it takes the shape of a dome over the city.

People are laughing and smiling at first, then screaming and running everywhere. I hide between a truck and a wall. I try to call my mom to tell her I'm ok and then I wake up.

temporary employee

I am temping. I am on the 34th floor at 181 W. Madison. High above the street. Ridiculous, really. So high. They don't allow smoking at my desk. Unusual. "SG Americas Securities" is the name of the joint. I think I am sitting at the desk of a gay man. A Disney Villains coffee mug. I have one at home on my desk. Three muscular action figures. A giant rubber band ball. A postcard from Dollywood (really want to go there.)

Just sneezed on my arm and green stuff flew out of my mouth and on to my shirt. Classy.

Dream on Thanksgiving Day:

Kara and I were in line for Great America. A security guard was searching through my bag and found my journal and scanned it for dirty words or controversial material. He found some bad words and wouldn't allow me entry into the park. Kara took a liking to this guy and they went off inside Great America. I waited outside Great America for Kara. Each page of my journal had been ripped down the center.

Sad

Snippets of recent dreams:

(i always remember them when im doing repetitive tasks, like filing)

Trying to drink a coke but kept finding office products in it-- binder clips and staplers--- i was so thirsty but so repulsed

Dyed my hair silver-- sounds cool but it was poorly done

My hair was falling out so I got hair plugs and they were like big locks of hair held together with rubberbands that were spaced like an inch apart

"To dream that you are losing your hair, denotes that you are concerned with the notion that you are getting older and losing your sex appeal/virility. You are preoccupied with aging and your appearance. Losing you hair also signify a lack of strength and that you do not possess the power to succeed in an undertaking. You may be feeling weak and vulnerable."

"To dream that your hair is white or turns white, indicates that something important has just been made aware to you. It is a symbol of wisdom and insight. The dream may also be a metaphor suggesting that you are feeling 'light-headed'."
Dream Moods

Dream

Dreamt I was at work and Gretchen Helfrich (host of NPRS's Odyssey) called. She didn't understand who I was and I explained that I was a temp and I was covering for a girl who was out sick. She didn't like this. She asked where I came from, where I worked before and where I went to college. I told her that I didn't graduate from college and that I worked for McDonald's for ten years. She found this fascinating and continued interviewing me. I told her that I was performing at my old high school with my friend Kara in an improv show and tried to plug it. She wasn't having that.

Then I was at my old high school and Kara was on stage. I was trying to explain to this little girl that I was supposed to be on stage. Since my act depended on lip synching, I didn't want to be on stage until I knew that the right piece of music would start at the right time. So, I told her to go in the sound booth and when I said "Whitney Houston" on stage that the music should start. She listened very well and said ok. Then I woke up.

Book club run by man with low self esteem and very bad memory

I had a dream that Oprah picked me to pick her next book for "Oprah's Book Club." I was so excited in the dream. It was almost a wet dream. I wasn't concerned about the book at all, more about Oprah picking me. In fact, I don't think I could come up with a book if she really did pick me. I've read some good books. But I don't think other people would like them. Here is my list of books that you probably won't like:

1. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
See I told you, we are already off to a bad start. But, it was the first book (that wasn't a female celebrity biography) that I actually read all the way through. I fell in love with the character and I actually got chills at the end. Guess that makes me a serial killer like all the other people who are obsessed with that book. Judging by my Jeffrey Dahmer wardrobe lately, things could easily slip down that path.

2. How We Die by Sherwin B. Nuland
I read this book last summer while I was working at a temp job opening doors for people with a buzzer. It was at the Macarthur Foundation, a philanthropic organization that donates money to rich people. I also had to answer phones. I kept accidentally answering the phones "The McCartney (as in Paul and Linda)Foundation" or the "Mccarthy (as in Joe) Foundation." The only thing that I remember from the book was that the way everybody dies is lack of oxygen reaching the brain. I was/am so (over?)medicated that I don't remember much else about it. It was really good though. It belonged to my roommate.

3. His Bright Light by Danielle Steel
See what I mean-- it's by Danielle Steel. I mean come on. It was good though. It's one of those books that I read passages from every now and then. It's about Danielle Steel's son who committed suicide. Very tragic. People express concern when I read books about depressed people. I get depressed when people express concern that I'm reading books about depressed people. So, you know.

4. Possessing the Secret of Joy by Alice Walker
I read this so long ago that I have no idea what the hell it's about. Something about female circumcision in Africa. I remember it being good though. I think I read it in the summertime. I'm sure I thought I was real smart for reading it. But I do remember liking it. If you do read it, let me know what it's about because I can't remember. I like Alice Walker. I also like the color of the book. It's purple. Go figure.

5.Imagine That by Lydia Stux (Epilogue), Russell Denver Harold
Ok, this one I really do remember. This is just a collection of letters back and forth between a gay man and his best female friend. Russell lives the 1980's San Francisco gay life and Lydia is back home in the Midwest. I am so obsessed with what it would be like to be gay and young in 1980's San Francisco. .Imagine That really gives you a good idea of what it would be like, Pre-AIDS and Post-AIDS. Really good.

Well, enjoy what you choose to read, cuz I know damn well no one is gonna read any of these books. Or even this blog, who the HELL AM I KIDDING. I might as well be typing on a computer that's not turned on!!!!!!