Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous

I made a mix of songs that I like. Just a mix of pop, soul and electronic songs for you while you cry and dance alone in your bedroom.

Stay With Me

I had the honor of being Mr. D's (the creator of Bootleg Betty, best Bette Midler site ever) guest to see Bette Midler at the opening of "The Venue" at Hammond Indiana's Horseshoe Casino.

We were in the fourth row. The show was magical. Seeing Bette this close was an out of body experience for me. I have loved Bette Midler since I was 11 (see how i got the scar on my nose).

I think my generation knows Bette Midler as the star of "Down and Out and Beverly Hills," "Ruthless People," etc. For me, hearing Bette Midler sing, can be a metaphysical experience. I can't describe it. Words fail me. If you want to know more watch this clip and then go to Bootleg Betty. You have a lot to catch up on. Thank you Mr. D.




Maybe this time I should be the one to go away.
’Cause honey, ain’t it my turn to have somebody
Grab hold of me and say,
"No! Don’t go! You can’t go!"

FutureSexLoveShow

Feeling emotionally fragile like a china doll. A broken dusty figurine of a man on the shelf. Boring myself with my analogies. Trying to describe a very New England pain. I'm in a yellow wallpapered bell jar. A story told a thousand times, mostly by privileged white women. Where is the book about me? I'm certainly in no condition to write it.

Watching Justin Timberlake on DVD. The FutureSexLoveShow, I believe it's called. What talent and optimism and soul. Gives me goosebumps. In slacks and white shirt and vest. Grabbing his twentysomething package, the crowd screams. There is such hope in that crotch. Such potential.

Eating Ritz crackers with feta cheese and ham for dinner now. Disgusting. Stomach issues now. Feeling hopeless.

These men on the train home from work. Different versions of Justin at different ages. In their ironed slacks. I can't help but fixate. Every day a new one. They are undoubtedly disturbed by the pained look I must give them. Wrinkling my brow, trying to understand how they got wherever they are. I want to be them. Do they ever want to be me? Certainly they are not interested in the hairstyle. This is an ongoing problem. Who do they want to be? They want money probably and sex. They want to feel safe or make others feel safe. They are hungry.

After the work day is done, I just want to sleep. I refuse the offers coming from no one- going out for a drink after work. "No, Thank You." Just sleep. And when I say sleep I mean go home and hide. And by that I mean watch a Justin Timberlake concert DVD ordered from Netflix.

you came up with the breeze...

french toast souflee from roseanne barr! this is precooked. after it was cooked there was no time to take a picture. delicious but a little runny in the middle.




marthas citrus bars, again a little undercooked. pissed me off.

couldnt you just die with that lip color and that blond hair!

Feedback

Re: Janet's new single

The lyrics are meaningless like I like it. The song is perfect for standing in front of the mirror with a serious/sexy face pretending to lead your backup dancers right back into the Rhythm Nation.



Thank you god for bringing her back in good condition. She is rocking that wig, she's not anorexic, she's got some meat on the bones. She's got her backup dancers in classic Rhythm Nation position. She's ready to go.

The video's got Janet jumping from tiny planets until she finally lands on the milk planet where she breaks it all down for us. A+ from me.

Madonna had better just watch herself. She'd better stop phoning in the videos and telling us to love one another. We don't have time for that bullshit. We want robot voices, vocoders, overproduced and nonsensical stupid dance songs... Thank you.

I hate to go on but I am also loving the cover for the single. Janet got the memo.

irreplaceable

I have had this song in my head, non-stop for days. Beyonce and her infectious songs. "To the left! To the left! Everything you own in a box to the left! I can have another you in a minute. Matter fact he'll be here in a minute."

I am on a completely reversed sleep schedule. Goddam. Was supposed to go to the doctor today but they rescheduled. I am crazier than a mouse driving stick shift. Ah, what do you do?

Lady Bunny

I just want to give a shout out to Lady Bunny for somehow finding the most hilarious videos on the net. Bookmark her site!!!

Here's some beautiful Bulgarians singing "Oh Susanna!" Makes me want to cry.

i am not my bank account

fabulous discovery! no matter what happens to that ole' pile of nickels i am not my bank account.

laundry started ya'll. boo yah! and i hope this inspires you to do whatever it is you've been meaning to do. today laundry, tomorrow owning a castle in england that my whole family can live in--- very far apart, of course.

i started looking for castles to buy online-- turns out there are not a lot of them. i want a big one. i could conquer a country, but that may be setting unrealistic goals.

whew it really heated up in my apartment, took the shirt off and i got the music just crankin.' Madonna's "History" a lackluster song but whatever.

todays video spotlight is on the B-52's. I went to see them three times in concert, all in the summer. so summer makes me think of them. twice at the "world music theatre" and once at ravinia where kara and i had a religious experience walking around and listening to the now grown up B-52's dorks with kids singing along to "Love Shack." Here is one of my favorites. "Song For A Future Generation"



also since we're talking summer. my favorite summer movie is "do the right thing." i am going to watch it with my dude.

4 in the morning

maybe if i got glasses things would be better. a nice sturdy pair of glasses that would say to the world i'm serious about me. unfortunately, i don't have vision problems, at least not in the literal sense.

it's 8:26 am. i plan to go back to bed after this post.
to do:
laundry
dishes
keep up the job search

i'm sorry i'm not as bright and bushy tailed as you would like.

it occured to me that i need not play the victim constantly. it also occured to be that i need not write publicly about my inner thoughts.

the only thing worth watching on television is american idol. i needn't worry about virginia tech. very sad, yes. no more information needed, thank you.

alec baldwin is calling his daughter a pig. this shouldn't concern me. i don't know him. i do not know alec baldwin.

lifes candy and the suns a ball of butter

i have been reading (listening to) christopher anderson's "The Way She Is," a biography of barbra streisand. the book is a little much, and i love it. the basic theme is that barbra was and is very demanding. anderson's book is basically a list of every demand streisand has ever made in her life. flowers, makeup, camera angles...

well how the hell else are you supposed to get anything done in this world? how else are you supposed to "get a leg up," as my good friend ms. buller asks? jesus christ!

like streisand, i have learned the hard way- no one is going to do it for you. you have to make the calls, you have to set up the appointments, you have to take out enormous student loans, you have to do your laundry and you have to buy your own diet pepsi. and its exhausting. how dare anyone question anyone elses choices. how dare they!

like streisand, when i am on oprah, i too will demand a microphone the same color of whatever donna karan pantsuit i am wearing. i want the audience to look at me, not the microphone. these are things you just have to learn from being in the business!
no one is going to tell you that.

rarely is anyone going to help you out in this business of show. its a rough dirty business where egos collide like bumper cars at a carnival. if you want cotton candy, you have to get out of your bumper car and get it yourself! no one is going to get it for you. if you want to tickets for another ride you better get a job and buy them yourself. don't waste your time looking on the sawdust ground for dropped tickets, you'll spend your whole life doing that and by the time you find them the carnival will be closed. it doesn't matter how many tickets you find you'll never be able to ride the rides if there is no carnival. did you ever think about that?

all i'm saying is no one is going to appreciate what you do, ever. no matter how hard you try there will always be a pack of gum smacking naysayers commenting on the choices you've made in your life.

the trick is to ignore them. ignore everyone. put on your orange dress and fur hat and get on that boat.

dear diary

I appreciate being able to purchase singles again (via iTunes). For awhile we were forced to buy entire cd's. It sort of takes the fun out of a smartly produced bubblegum pop song when you have to be subjected to other songs that are clearly just there for filler. When you want to hear the deliciously candy coated "Oops!...I Did It Again" but don't want to hear Britney's inner dialogue in a throwaway song like "Dear Diary."

Hooray for cheap fun singles. Hooray for SexyBack. Hooray for Hey Ya! Hooray for Bad Day, the American Idol exit song. These songs will remind me of winter depression or summer drunkeness.

I was thinking about 45's I owned. I played them on my Fisher Price record player and then later, on a stereo system that I got from Santa Claus and lasted me until I was in high school.

45's I remember enjoying that eventually became unplayable.
Mickey by Toni Basil
Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr.
Physical by Olivia Newton-John
Cold Hearted Snake by Paula Abdul


And B-Sides! Vogue, one of Madonna's most singles was originally going to be a B-Side to "Keep It Together." Can you imagine?

I'm afraid my enthusiasm for this topic has been exhausted. I am officially sick, which is not fair. There were severeal weeks this winter when it was very trendy to be sick. As usual, I jumped on the bandwagon too late.

Just like with music. I was very afraid of Nirvana when they were popular. Kurt Cobain and the rest of them were children of the devil to me. Years later I purchased their albums and bought Kurt Cobain's diary (an innapropriate venture for Courtney Love, but fascinating nonetheless). I am a late bloomer in so many ways.

Confessions Tour

For a pre thanksgiving treat, NBC has Madonna's Confession's Tour on at 7 PM tonight. Just wanted to remind you, fire up your Betamax's and DVR's!!

My favorite song from the show was "Like A Virgin." It was the song I could most easily relate to, as I am still a virgin. I am saving myself until I am able to get married legally. So that's hard.

NUMB

Really great Pet Shop Boys video of my favorite song off their newish album. I think it perfectly sums up the political winter we have all been living in. It's springtime now-- hopefully. Ok, I'll shut up now.

i am a royal jackass!

this occured to me today. it would have been nice if someone told me. i guess there have been hints, clues along the way. whispers from god as oprah would say.

some walk by night

i had a dream that i was put in jail for a crime i did not commit. it was an amusement park jail and there was a gayland and i wasnt sure if i could stay there or not. i was just sort of dropped off at this jail/amusement park and felt like i should check in with someone before i started exploring the various themed burros. i enjoyed the gay area of the jail very much. it ended badly i believe- someone coming to get me out of the gay area. chew on that one.

ahem...so i was thinking about the moonlighting soundtrack. i got it during the moonlighting craze of the late nineteen eighties. i was very young don't recall how it came into my posession. yes i do. it was given to my grandfather as a promotional something or other because he was a tv critic. did i mention that? felt very special for having it. love television soundtracks, they seem so unneccessary. it was a record.
can't remember what my point was. just that i liked it, i guess.

i am no longer a threat

people!!

please take the candy away from children! it is not good for them and they get all strung out. take it away. please. ban it. can we ban candy please?

also that stephen king. he's scary. somethings wrong with him. ban him please. killer dogs...i don't like it. it scares me and that can't be good. ban him.

and even though i am a homosexual, i think we should tone it down a notch. we've got kids to think of. do we really need this string of seedy sex stores and disgusting bathhouses? do we REALLY need to be parading around, holding hands down major streets. i mean we're pretty much accepted in society so lets clean up our act now. we've won.

i smoke only at home now and only in designated areas.
i've learned that i can abide by this ordinance and still function.
i've adapted.
i am no longer a threat to your health.
we are on our way to a better society and i am
delighted
to be a part of it.
everything is so much brighter now.


"One world
One reason
Unchanging
One season

If you've done nothing wrong
You've got nothing to fear
If you've something to hide
You shouldn't even be here
You've had your chance
Now we've got the mandate
If you've changed your mind
I'm afraid it's too late
We're concerned
You're a threat
You're not integral
To the project

Sterile
Immaculate
Rational
Perfect"

Integral, Pet Shop Boys

remind me never to do THAT again

as rob suggested I put my iPod on shuffle and I will comment on whatever the first 5 songs come out of the 2,500+ i have packed on to the damn thing.


1. Courtney Love Sandra Bernhard
I'm Still Here Dammit!

Sandra Bernhard talking about real or fantasy encounters with Courtney Love. Reminds me of working at Borders in Crystal Lake. Taking my breaks at "The Colonial." Crushing on the straight smart boys. All boys who work in bookstores are terribly neurotic or gay. Or both. Maybe they just get neurotic when there around me! Ha.



2. Sorry Madonna
Confessions on a Dancefloor

This one shouldn't count. This was my favorite song from the album when it came out. "There's more important things than hearing you speak.




3. If I Could Turn Back Time Cher
Live: The Farewell Tour

My goodness! I didn't realize what a dirty little faggot I was. I have such diverse taste in music --- hahahahaha. Listen. I just want to be entertained. I want shiny, pink, glittery sassy music. Not hard to please, very easy to bore. Now I'm talking in beer commercials.


4. When I Think of You Janet Jackson
Control
Chunky Janet! Just they way I like her. Now she's naked all over the place. whatever.



5. Eleanor Put Your Boots On Franz Ferdinand
You Could Have It So Much Better
Rob is penetrating my iPod.

i wished i loved jesus, the way my wife does

these pretty ladies get me every time.

I'm With Stupid

I enjoy the Pet Shop Boys new album "Fundamental", escpecially the single "I'm With Stupid." It is about George Bush and Tony Blair.


See you on the TV
Call you every day
Fly across the ocean
Just to let you get your way
No one understands me
Where I'm coming from
Why would I be with someone
Who's obviously so dumb?
Love comes
Love grows
Every time you rise to meet me
Take my hand to greet me
Love comes
Love grows
And power can give a man
Much more than anybody knows


Before we ever met
I thought like everybody did
You were just a moron
A billion-dollar kid
You flew up all the way
Like a hawk chasing a dove
I never thought that I would be
A sacrifice in love
It comes
It grows
And now we're tied together
Everybody knows


Is stupid really stupid
Or a different kind of smart?
Do we really have a relationship
So special in your heart?


I have to ask myself
Like any lover might:
Have you made a fool of me?
Are you not Mr Right?
You grin
I pose
It's not about sincerity
Everybody knows

Is stupid really stupid
Or a different kind of smart?
That's how you stole my heart
I'm with Stupid

has anyone ever written anything for you?

The audience will be able to view the shadow of my naked larva body metamorphosing into a butterfly as I descend from the ceiling encased in a neon pink vinyl cocoon. As I fly out on Peter Pan cables singing Billy Joels "Pressure," my glittering wingspan and suprisingly toned shirtless chest will delight all those lucky enough to witness.

Honey, I've been locked up in this studiopad for way to long. It's all been administrative- must do taxes, must fill out financial aid forms, must look on craigslist for jobs half-heartedly, blah, blah, blah.

Everything's coming up manic! We've got Madonna's "Sorry" Pet Shop Boys 7" Remix pulsing on the iPod stereo/alarm clock that I did receive for Christmas from my parents. I LAUGH in the face of Christmas. Christmas is so winter. Christmas is so having to let my parents dog back in and thinking I can do it in my socks, but my socks get snow and ice all over them and I just want to die. But that's all over now.

It's all "Guys Gone Wild" and bodyshots and sand encrusted underwear from here on out. I won't have it any other way. Someone grab me a Corona Light and a pack of smokes-- let's go to the beach.