ergophobia #2

For pete's sake. So, I took this PA job for a "major reality show." I left after 6 hours of sitting in a hotel room doing nothing. The whole time I was there, the only thing I did was fill two ice buckets. They weren't actually ice buckets they were garbage cans. I was told to use the garbage cans as ice buckets. There were five other gentlemen PA's there. Some of them were asked to go do other stuff because they had cars.

Maybe I'm not a nice person. And I'll just come out and say it- I'm insecure. And I don't mean to spread negativity. Kara was telling me about this saying "You spot it. You got it." Meaning that if you see something in someone else that really bothers you, you might have that same quality and that is probably why it bothers you so much.

That said-

I couldn't take another second with these people. There was this bitch of a producer lady who was real stupid. All dark hair in a ponytail and tomboy lesbian acting talking on her cellphone. Real annoying. And then this blond woman with an australian accent. And then some gay guy and a bunch of other guys and I didn't like them at all. Not one single person. Perhaps it was my attitude and not the entire production crew that was the problem. Whatever. I don't care. It was fucking retarted and I hated it.

So I left. I was beating myself up about it but as I look back on it I am happy with myself for leaving. So ridiculous. That's not how I roll.

Anyway, so back to the drawing board as far as jobs go. I am a very sensitive, rather crazy person. I am beginning to accept this. I don't think I am going to be happy in a traditional job. Oprah had a show on all about "Do You!" meaning you have to do what you are good at and what you enjoy and you will be happy.

What I enjoy-
morning television
pop culture
decoupage
writing things
helping people write things
working with kara
going to disneyland with my boyfriend
helping heather come up with ideas for her store
smoking- although its really gotta stop, i cant take the constant disapproval from society, family and friends

What I do not enjoy-
working for people who are disorganized and stupid
working on things that mean nothing to me
highly stressful situations

I don't know I guess that's all jobs. Hey, look people I'm trying to figure myself out here. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Give me a break.

and Dr. Will on Young and the Restless

Some real bad acting. It's like he finds himself so charming he can't stop smiling.