i can not believe i was in los angeles for a month! i was just laying in my bed and i had a flashback of my apartment there. the bed, the couch, the kitchen counter, the shower, the cement sidewalk leading to the little convienient mart where i bought my cigarettes. i remember how scared i was there. jesus christ. so scared. just this terrible fear. i feel it now too. hot and flushed, this prickly sensation all over my body, my stomach tied in knots. scared of what?
most of my anxiety at the current moment is about money-- but there i had prepared myself and money wasn't a concern. i react to stress in the most obnoxious, oversensitive over-the-top way. chicken little, the sky is falling. the sky is falling. i will alert others to the fact that the sky IS falling. they listen but there is always a raised eyebrow.
i know deep down that the sky is not falling. mama needs some help.
is this fear is why people drink, do drugs, play video games all the time? escape. escape.
my psychology class last summer. Freud talks about work being very important to a healthy mind. very true. i am so afraid of it. am i afraid of it? jesus christ. get over it.
i will get over this. ive been here before.
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