Sandra answers my question!

I answered a call for fans of Sandra Bernhard to ask her questions. She answered mine!


Go to Broadway.com for the rest of the story.

right here, right now

today i woke up and decided that i was going to try and look like i am not homeless. hard to do when you haven't done laundry in about a month.

i'm having a little bit of anxiety about how i don't have anxiety right now. i'm used to a crushing, squeezing sensation in my chest and stomach. i'm used to feeling like my head is stuck in vice. but right now, im feeling a little like, hmm at peace.

i just realized it's because i took a ativan. hahahaha. i seriously forgot i took that. that explains it (now i'm anxious because i think that i'm losing short term memory).

i'm sitting at computer Kiosk 1A at Columbia College waiting for my class to start. Lots of other busy little bees typing-- myspacing, emailing, blog reading themselves away. real heavy breather next to me in a mustard sweat suit and baseball cap turned to one side. seriously sounds like he is snoring.

a lot of really unfortunate outfits:
decoratively frayed denim jacket numbers
floral ties
bad black painters jeans
hoodies (mmmm, throw a hoodie on and some pajama pants-- so comfy! barf)
big stupid black sneakers with dirt all over them
whimsical hipster t-shirts with unrecognizable and senseless designs that no one knows what the hell it is

if you look around you can really make yourself feel better by criticizing what other people wear (even if you look like shit yourself). you should try it.

now, that's not the kind of karma i should be putting out into the world. i send love and light to all god's children. the lord is my shepherd.

a scary mouth

This is the paper I wrote for my Gay and Lesbian studies on Sandra Bernhard.

sedaris

He's a culinary David Sedaris!
He's part David Sedaris part Mike Tyson.
A black female David Sedaris.
Like "Birth of a Nation" directed by David Sedaris.

you must love me

Today I got the results back from a blood test. In a nutshell, I eat bad food. That's a shocker!

Receiving these results depressed me. I was feeling pretty good until I got them. But it wasn't these results- someone could have looked at me funny and I would be in the same emotional state that I am now. I usually feel the same way at this time of day- depressed, melancholic.

And I want to sleeeeeep. Just lay down for six hours. Which I probably will, unless something very unusual happens. I hate this time of day. Hate it. Love the morning. Hate the afternoon. Could take or leave the evening.

Went to see a psychiatrist (one who prescibes medication) yesterday. Those who do not see psychiatrists or psycotherapists seem to have trouble wrapping their chemically balanced brains around which is which. He did the psychiatric evaluation which I have had so many times that I can't count. Basically, it's how are you feeling, how are you sleeping, how is your diet, any psychotic symptoms (hearing or seeing people that are not there), any suicidal thoughts, any family history of mental illness, etc.

I told him that I sleep too much. During the day. This is probably because I usually have little else to do. Although, I have been trying to get out more- going downtown. A little sick of downtown Chicago, frankly.

I am feeling generally depressed and often very anxious. My default state, i think, is depression. But the anxiety and obsessive thoughts have been increasing as of late (not to be confused with OCD which involves a compulsion to rid oneself of those thoughts. I do not have this. I just have the thoughts). The anxiety usually comes from these thoughts. And these thoughts are usually based in reality but expand into a very dramatic doomsday narrative in my head until I am in a panic state.

I don't want to eat unless I eat, then I will eat. Absolutely no appetite in the morning. I could wait until about eight at night to eat until I start to get hungry.

I do not hear or see people that are not there. Not yet.

I don't have suicidal thoughts. But I do contemplate what song will be played at my funeral. This type of thinking (contemplating morbidish thoughts) is common with people who are depressed. By the way, the song is "You Must Love Me" by Madonna. For awhile, I thought she (The character of Madonna or Eva Peron, take your pick) was demanding people to love her. You MUST love me, goddamit! But then I realized that she is making the realization that "You" or her people must love her otherwise they wouldn't be there. "Why are you at my side?
How can I be any use to you now?" I like both of my interpretations. See, now I've talked about it too long. Stinkin thinkin. Move on. Move on Jeremy!

So, it was an okay visit. He was nice. But again, psychiatrists aren't really there to analyze or listen to your life story unless it applies to the chemistry of your brain or what medication might be a good fit.
That's what your here for.

my information doesn't come from television

"My information doesn't come from television. I'm informed by art, books, old films, photography." Madonna, Elle, Feb 2006

Well, mine does. F*#k that shit. The more I watch, the more I love television. My grandfather was a tv critic and I think that lit a fire in me. I recently talked Kara's ear off about something Kelly Ripa said on "Live with Regis and Kelly." She was quoting some study that said that people think that (because they watch television) they have more friends than they actually do. That's fascinating. Then Kara said what I was thinking, "Isaac." Yes! Isaac Mizrahi is my friend. In my head, I wonder what he thinks of an outfit I'm wearing or a movie that I'm watching. Television has always been a great source for friends.

Of course it's a vast wasteland, but the world is a vast wasteland. You have to dig through the shit to find the good stuff. Like Joan Rivers on QVC. That's why I record it. A crazy old woman hawcking jewelry in your room at three in the morning. Beautiful.

I think I love live tv the most. Live with Regis and Kelly, Martha, QVC, American Idol. I'm beginning to love Ryan Seacrest. Used to hate him. Now I love him. Smiley, adorable, workaholic, gay dork. He's the boy who didn't hit his peak in high school. Realizing his potential, he got some blonde highlights in the new millenium and hasn't looked back. What a trooper. (I will say, ad nauseaum, that during the first auditions for American Idol in Chicago I was working in the box office of the theater in which they were taking place. He asked to come into the box office and use the phone. Not knowing who he was, I was probably short with him because I didn't like letting people into my little box anytime because inevitably, they would never leave. But now that my feelings have changed, having fallen in love with him and American Idol- I will say that Ryan Seacrest can come inside my box anytime he wants.)

So, I love him and I love Kelly Ripa too. I'm done with Regis and frankly I think Regis is done with it all too. Burned out and bruised with his "Millionaire" rise and fall. This week, Regis is mysteriously "On Vacation" and I'm fine with that. Pat Sajak and Anderson Cooper guest hosted for Regis and frankly, things went smoother without Regis. Kelly is another trooper. Funny and adorable. Another friend of mine. Anderson Cooper is another one that you just want to put in your pocket. Don't get me started. Don't EVEN get me started.

I watched "Grizzly Man." It was ok. Crazy man in Alaska thinks he's friends with the bears, thinks he is a bear. Gets killed by the bears. Best to watch tv, Anderson Cooper won't be mauling me anytime soon.

Take a look at this sexy clip of the two most metrosexual men in Hollywood virtually making out. A classic.

home and dry

for the love of crap! i had a tooth pulled yesterday! my first emotion after waking up today was that it would interfere with my champion kissing skills and or gross out my partner. then i rememembered that i don't have a partner.

(i just threw up)

the saga with my tooth started over last summer. my sister refered me to a dentist in the suburbs, two trains away. i had a very painless root canal and learned the joys of nitrous oxide. then in the last couple months, the filling in my root canal came out and i had to have it refilled.

it started hurting again about a week ago and i ignored it until yesterday when i woke up and my left cheek was swollen. so, i emailed my teacher to tell her i would be missing class and headed out to my dentist. with the two trains, it takes about two hours to get there. i enjoyed union station as always, so many people a-coming and a-going. interesting men and women. two levels of delicious fast fooderies and magazineries.

when i got to the dentist we discussed the various options- basically i pay for a specialist for some procedures involving microscopes and lots of digging around to eventually tell me that i need to pull it or i could just go ahead and pull it. my dentist was very sensitive to my possible concerns about pulling the tooth. i really had no concerns actually, just wanting the pain to stop and the swelling to go down. mainly, i was worried about missing class and wanted her to write a "doctor's note."

so i got all gassed up. i was flying on the laughing gas. F-L-Y-I-N-G. i was reaaallly enjoying getting my tooth pulled. i was fixated on eminem for some reason. finding the thought of him extremely funny and wanting to stop for a second and share my amusement with the dentist and dental hygenist, but thought better of it. then eminem started freaking me out a little so i changed to thinking about Billy Joe from Green Day and the song "Give Me Novocaine" from the "American Idiot" album. every song on that album is fantastic, by the way.

as they wrestled with my tooth, they asked me if i wanted to listen to my iPod and i thought that was a great idea. not having a lot of time to choose a song, i just played whatever came up and it was "home and dry" by the pet shop boys.

All the way
Through night and day
You fly on home tonight
Come to me
You know I'll be here
When you call tonight

again, i was flying. kind of depressed when i realized that they had got the tooth out. they reduced the nitrous. i started feeling a little pinching but i was cool. then more pinching and some pressure, but i was fine. they gave me some advil and a prescription for some vicodin. more pain as i waited for them to write my doctors note. numb with gauze in my mouth, bloody drool, more pain, more pain. i left the office and went to a local drugstore to get the prescription filled.

painpainpainpainPAINPAINPAIN as i waited for them to fill the prescription. i called my mom and sort of half mumbled and half cried that i was in a lot of pain. they were taking forever to fill the prescription. they had to call the doctor for some reason. PAIN! PAIN! PAIN!

they finally filled the prescription and i took a vicoprofin and impatiently waited for it to work. it was freezing out and i was spitting blood all over the train platform, which seemed to freeze up right away. i locked myself in the train bathroom and called my doctor to tell her i was in a lot of fucking pain and to ask her if i could take another vicoprofin. she said i could. i waited on the floor of the train bathroom, stupidly forgetting to lock the door. a lady opened the door and saw me sitting there on the floor so i got up and went to sit on the train seat. so much pain. (duh! you just had your tooth pulled)

i took a cab after i got to union station. the cabdriver asking me which way i thought we should go. "i. dont. care." i told him that i had my tooth pulled. he told me that it would probably really hurt tomorrow. thanks. of course, my debit card didn't work when we arrived so i had to run to a cash station to get money. the cabdriver offered to give me a "free ride, free ride" to pick up some hydrogen peroxide, which he had i guessed decided was the best course of post operative treatment for me. i told him that was very nice but that wasn't necessary.

i came home and called my mom and my doctor (such a baby!) again to tell them that i was still in a lot, a lot, a lot of pain. the nurse told me what i could take and how often and blah blah blah and as she talked i lost interest in what she was saying because i started feeling pretty good.

i talked with kara for a bit. watched some joan rivers on qvc. listened to madonna. eventually fell asleep.

The Jeremy Show Box Set 02-06

On the occasion of my 4th year of blogging I thought I would celebrate by reposting some of my favorite audio and video "pieces" from The Jeremy Show.


Pepso-Fine's Tonic for Women: presents "The Story of an Hour" by Kate Chopin
My favorite. An adaptation of Kate Chopin's short short story.

Nobody Knows Carrie Fisher
A mashup of Carrie Fisher's appearance on Fresh Air and Madonna's Nobody Knows Me. I was so moved by Fisher's description of bipolar disorder so I had to do some sort of muscial tribute involving Madonna.

Famous
My third in an unending saga of self indulgent films.


I plan to continue enchanting you and moving you to tears. I want you to hit rock bottom on The Jeremy Show. I want it to be like the best sneeze you ever had.

thanks, but no thanks

no thank you. i don't want to be your sub bottom boy tonight. first of all, have you looked at me? you don't we me unclothed. you don't want to see my naked profile.

the days of me kneeling on the floor while you call me dirty things are over. it was fun while it lasted. its best we leave that alone now.

perhaps we should just watch a movie and make fun of it while i smoke. we could even talk about how and when i'm going to quit smoking, if that's what you feel like doing.

with this mood stabilizing medication and my host of neuroses its best that we keep the "kink" to a minimum. the days of slings and poppers and dirty talk are on hold for the moment.

thanks.

to do list

To Do:

-wash blankets, sheets, etc
-dishes
-clean bathroom floor with a mixture of ammonia and bleach (kidding) just bleach
-clean toilet, my goodness
"stop the press, who's that? Vicky Vale, Vicky Vale, Vicky Vale, ooo yeah, ooo yeah, i wanna bust that body"
(sorry got caught up in batdance playing on my itunes)
hahaha, hillary and i were looking at the karaoke selections at the hidden cove and batdance was one of the selections, can you imagine singing batdance at a karaoke bar-"Batman, Batman, Batman, Batman...Batman, Batman, Batman, Batman"
back to the to do list
-pay credit card
-pay cable bill
-lose weight
-email teacher about tips on pitching tv show to guy next thursday done
-sanitize kitchen
-spray some goddam lysol, for pete's sake
-straighten up books
-dust
-vacuum
-clean up couch

"you got to want to give to get it. or you could land up in the same suspicious hell" -pet shop boys, "before"

cry a little

You've got a real choice to make mister. You've had early morning therapy that was semi-sucessful. Now you want to go back to bed, hide. You could do that and probably get away with it.

Or, you could get your ass outside in the cold. Bundle up, do it. Do some grocery shopping while you have the money. Maybe stop at a thrift store on the way there. Just get outside.

Then come home and if you're feeling a little better work on some homework. The choice is up to you. I can't tell you what to do.

idol thoughts

I have become a HUGE fan of the most watched show on American Television. American Idol clobbered the Grammys, the Olympics and "Lost" in the ratings. Even though I have been accused by critics [Rob ;)] of needlessly promoting pop culture, I am at it again.

Tonight was a sad night as the adorable David Radford (shown above) was sent home for having the lowest number of votes. Radford comes from Crystal Lake, Il and goes to the the same high school that I did. It was a sad night but I must say he looked more and more uncomfortable as the shows progressed. I sincerely wish him well but I, as a registered American Idol voter, must be impartial and carry on with my duties.

Remember talent shows at school? Always very entertaining and fun. I want to be ENTERTAINED. I am ENTERTAINED by American Idol. This is why American Idol is a hit. It is entertaining. Grammys- yawn. The Olympics- I wish I would have seen the skating but overall, yawn.

My vote for the winner is the rocking, big and BEAUTIFUL Mandisa. In a red negligee top and black boots, she took my breath away with her performance of "Never" by Heart. Which I plead with you to watch. And, if you like, watch American Idol on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays. It is really fun to play judge and call in your votes. Or you can just go on with your life and not do that and be stupid and dumb.

psychobabble

I am having a lot of anxiety which I am recognizing as a symptom of anger I have.

In Madonna's new documentary she reads from the Zohar. She reads, "In all my days I forgave and made peace with any man who did evil by me. Thus I did not harbor hatred all that day for the harm he did me. Moreover, from that day on, I tried to do kindness by them."

Then she says, "Can you imagine forgiving people that fucked you over...to get to the end of that day and not only forgive them but to wish them well."

I don't know anyone who I think has "done evil" by me. I don't believe that people are evil. I believe that for whatever reason, people who appear to "do evil" are doing what they think is right. They are protecting themselves or something that they think is important.

However, throughout my life I have had situations where I think I have been treated badly and am hurt by it. I'm sure that I have done the same to others. And maybe, sometimes, I have "brought it on myself."

I usually avoid, minimize and or ignore when I get hurt rather than call it out. I'm trying to get better at adressing it before I bury it in my emotional cellar where I think it will die. But, I have learned that hurt and anger does not die. It spreads like a cancer and in my case-- turns into an anxiety disorder.

So, now in a tiny, virtual, cyber way I am adressing it. Me hurting others, others hurting me. All of it.

jeremy's best picture oscar pic

I think it's pretty clear that it's going to be a BIG night for "Big Business." Although it wasn't oficially nominated, the buzz is huge- especially around my apartment. While Lily and Bette are sure to bring home some gold doorstoppers, Seth Grenn as Bette's son is the one everyone is talking about.

This year I made a point of seeing all the Oscar movies. Big mistake. Big waste of time and money. Even the Milk Duds and Twizzlers and Cherry Pepsis and Large Popcorns
with extra butter and "napkins" made out of toilet paper didn't do anything to make these cinematic crapsicles any better. As for the real nominees here are my reviews:


Bareback Mountain
Beans. Wrestling. Beans. Sex. Wrestling. Shirts.
Contrived unrealistic relationship.(Although real relationships to me seem contrived and I've never had a boyfriend, let alone a cowboy boyfriend, let alone a barebackin brokebackin, cowboy boyfriend.) I did like Michelle Williams, although she was laughed at in the theater when she was crying. She is the only one I related to in the movie. And she was in "Dick" with Kirsten Dunst, another favorite of mine, which I hear might be another contender this year.


Munich
Guys run around blowing up beds and phones and shoot each other for two and a half hours. Fell asleep twice. Bullet holes with blood squirting out of them does not a good movie make. Big Business did not have any violence and yet it still made a statement about an important issue. Careless nurses who don't have good eyesight are mixing up newborn sets of twins all around this country. Big Business should be an A-Ha! moment for this country. This is an epidemic.

Crash
This one. Don't get me started. I only watched the first ten minutes, I get the point. We should be aware of the undercurrent of subtle racism in this country. Got it. Not gonna watch anymore. Why? Because there is another movie with not one but two Bette Midlers and not one but two Lily Tomlins. Need I say more?


Capote
Phillip Seymour Hoffman was great! Just a smidge caricuture-ish, but Capote was a caricuture of himself. Like I have any idea. Anyway, so he was good.
BUT WHAT THE FUCK WAS UP WITH THE EDITING. Seriously they'd get to the end of a sceandthen they would jumpinto something else and then one sceeennneee woooulldd beee waayyyy too looonggg foooorr nnnnoo rreeasson and then theyd jumpINTO another scen and it was AllOVeR the Pllace with nNNo rhyme or reas-

Good night, and Good luck
It was the first one I saw out of all of them and didn't go to see it because it was Oscar picked but because we learned about Edward R. Murrow in school and blah blah blah. So, it was good. Have an issue with George Clooney but I'm learning to like him. It was pretty good. I enjoyed myself. The only thing it could have learned from Big Business is to end the movie with all the characters pairing up and living happily ever after and to have "(Bring Me A) Higher Love" play over the credits. If you want to seal the deal in my book, you have to have "(Bring Me A) Higher Love" play over the credits. It just sends a positive message to the audience and that's what you want to do whether it's a movie about terrorism at the Olympics or Joseph McCarthy.

Well, although the winner this year is clear (Big Business) it should be a fun night. I'll be watching Joan and Melissa on the TV Guide Channel like everyone else.

a day in the life

My current routine. I get up at about 6 AM-ish when I have school. Smoke a cigarette in bed, dangerously half asleep. Put some coffee on. Usually turn NPR on but don't listen at all. Take my pills: Lexapro, Trileptal, Prilosec. Brush my teeth, put on some deodorant, get dressed. Set my microwave timer for when I have to leave the house. Sit down at my computer, smoke and drink coffee and an Ensure, surf the web.

This is my favorite time of the day.

The microwave timer goes off. I push it another ten minutes or so. Finally get up and put on my jacket - making sure that I have my cellphone.

I go out to the bus stop which is, thankfully, very close to my apt. I study the other people waiting. Decide who is hot and who is not, all while listening to my iPod on shuffle.

Get on the bus, saying hello to the busdriver- probably very loudly becuase I have my iPod on. Sit in my usual seat. I like this bus route because I can see the lake in the morning. As people get on, I am continuing my scan for my boyfriend. Deciding which one I am in love with and try to decide if he is in love with me.

I am drinking coffee out of a stainless steel travel mug so I start to get all hyped up on caffeine and the initial yet very temporary speedy effects of my antidepressants. I decide to text message people stupid things. These text messages are usually regretted by the end of the day.

voltron

today in documentary class we watched the first 30 minutes of "fahrenheit 911", "fahrenHYPE 911" and "outfoxed," which i thought i would hate- just because im so done with those documentaries- but that blank screen with just the audio in "fahrenheit 911" when the twin towers are hit always gets me. so effective as you sit there and your imagination paints the picture- incredible.

i went outside for two smokes on my break and this guy literally jumps me for a cigarette. "give me one of those camels!" for a minute i think about saying no, but he is essentially mugging me for a cigarette, so i pull one out.

"I shouldn't have done that, jumping up on you like that."

I am silent.

"I'm from New Orleans. Chicago is crazy. There's actually burros and shit. I thought New Orleans was big," as he lights the cigarette he mugged me for with the lighter I give him.

"You a student."

"Yes."

"Music?"

"Television."

"Television? So you go to school and when your done here what do you think your gonna do? Direct?"

"Writing"

"Well they sure need more writers. They're running out of ideas in Hollywood. Now I see they are doing 'Curious George'. I saw that and I said shit... Next they're gonna do 'Puff the Magic Dragon' or some shit."

"You are right."

"When they do a movie of Voltron, you know it's all over."

On my way back upstairs to watch more movies that I've already seen I decide that he has put into words basically about the same amount of information that I am paying $900,000 to hear.

That's not exactly true. My self esteem and general sanity is worth all the money that I am putting into this college song and dance. Being forced to get up, to read and to write, to be exposed occasionally to new things

lets keep it confidential

Dream I was totally making out with this guy I totally shouldn't have been making out with...mmmm. Good dream.

then

I'm taping a television show with Barb slash Kara. Not Barb or Kara, a fusion of the two in one person. I don't know what the content of the show was but it was in someone's basement on a modular couch. They have these really crazy robotic arm cameras that flip around and look real simple and real difficult to operate at the same time. The producer tells me that she is fighting with her boss on her cellphone because he is not happy with the way our show is going. She tells me that the only reason she decided to do our really bad tv show was because she was sick of looking for other shows to do. She says that she is sick of the television business and just wants to go to Austria.

pizza guy

just before i woke up- bad dream of some sort and then dream of sandra bernhard with really short hair. need to leave the house.

ordered a pizza last night at 10 pm and the man delivering had the nerve to come into my apartment so he could find something on which to rub an impression of my credit card. lots of small talk coming only from him, "nice little place you got here," "it's really snowing out." he was distracted by "Reno 911" which I was watching and then finally decided upon the top of my computer monitor to do the rubbing. i don't know if the snow comment was supposed to make me want to give him a bigger tip. didn't work on me.

he told me to fill out "every line" on the credit card slip. yes sir. $21.32 on a disgusting pizza that i had to reheat in my own oven, which involved climbing on a chair and taking the battery out of my smoke detector. the pizza was still gross.

i have been really into lifetime original movies, so i found one to watch as i fell asleep. joanna kerns in "mother knows best" IMDB Plot Description-A woman urges her daughter to get married. And when her daughter does, she doesn't think that she made a good choice. So she goes out and hires a killer to kill her son-in-law. pretty typical plot outline for lifetime original movies but Joanna Kerns as a murderess really didn't do anything for me.

barbara mandrell and george bush

ok, i've seen it. you've seen it. we've all seen it. the video of george bush and barbara mandrell shaking hands with george bush on his recent visit to the grand ole opry. he was running off his mouth with another one of his gobbelty gook speeches about working hard, evil doers and tyranny. we're all a little shaken.

but we must remember as barbara mandrell's biggest fans- that she did have a head injury in the 1980's when she got into that car wreck. so we can't blame her. someone put her up to this.

so don't throw out all your records and t-shirts. do not burn your satin tour jackets and crush your vhs copies of "barbara mandrell and the mandrell sisters" that you bought on ebay. she knows not what she does.

we all saw the confusion in her eyes as she limped her way through her last lifetime original movie, "The Wrong Girl." she's a shell, a husk of what she once was.

not to say that we can't bring her back from the dark side. i'm sure it all boils down to an addiction to painkillers, like everything does nowadays. she's probably just hooked on the junk.

we all know her website hasn't been updated in 3 years. she had to move out of her beautiful log home mansion and move-- into a subdivision! a subdivision!! no, no. you don't go from being the only woman who won entertainer of the year the most times to living in a subdivision. it's unthinkable and absolutely unacceptable.

perhaps dolly parton should give up some of her precious amusement park money and help the BM out.

the kids from fame

the summer after my sixth grade year, my family and i went to england for two weeks. my sister and i hated every second of it. lots of going to visit "relatives" and staying in guest houses- which was like staying at somebody elses house. which i guess is what a guest house is.

my sister and i ended up getting in a big fight in one of the guest houses. i don't remember what it was about but i know i told her to, "HAVE A HEART, JENNIFER!" I thought this was very dramatic at the time, I wish I knew what it was concerning. It was the only time I remember physically fighting with her. I whipped her with my yellow walkman headset cord.

I remember reading "Petals on The Wind," the sequel to "Flowers In The Attic." I also listened to a lot of my "The Kids From Fame" album.



We flew to Jersey, an island in the English Channel that was occupied by the Nazis. We saw a Nazi hospital and a bunch of other creepy Nazi stuff. I would have been really into this now, but I wasn't having any part of it then. We visited another "relative" who lived in a studio apartment similar to the one I live in now and I thought it was very depressing. Lots of knick knacks. The bed was in the same room as the couch! I turned up my nose at the whole thing.

On the way back from Jersey, my parents decided it would be fun to take a hydroplane back to England, rather than fly. Again my sister and I could have given two shits about anything my parents suggested- we just wanted to be home. We both had our walkmans on. She listened to a "Berlin" album and I listened to my "Kids From Fame" album as we sped across the notoriously rough English Channel in a hydroplane.

The English Channel got rougher and rougher and stormier and stormier as we "floated" across. I think it takes like three hours or something to cross the English Channel. But the hydroplane kept stopping because it was too rough. When we did start up again the hydroplane literally dipped into the ocean and back up again and dipped in again and back up again. We were on the bottom level so at times, the water was completely covering the windows. My parents were visibly nervous and they usually keep a good front up so we knew that this wasn't good.

At that age, I wasn't as neurotic and anxiety ridden as I am now. If I was on that thing now, I would have swallowed my entire bottle of klonopin and probably would have jumped into the English Channel. But at that age I remember listening to a synthesized version of some classical song over and over from my "Kids From Fame" album. We eventually made it out of that boat alive and everyone acted like the trip was totally fine and normal. Whatever.

Anyway, I recently received my "The Kids From Fame: Live From Royal Albert Hall" VHS that I bought on half.com for $3.00. I only got about half way through it before I shut it off. It's still good, I guess you just can't go home again. Does that cliche fit? Anyway, I still like the song "Starmaker" one of the Kids From Fame's big hits.

Maybe we can listen to it sometime when you invite me to go for a romantic trip to England with you. I wouldn't mind going as long as we don't stay at a guest house or ride a hydroplane.