crystal lake

I have spent a week in Crystal Lake.

Yesterday I went to Best Buy for the second time and tried to figure out something to buy to amuse myslef with while I'm here. Like a DVD box set or something. I almost purchased the new "9 to 5" DVD. It had outtakes and audio commentary by the ladies. Then I realized that I would just watch it once and it would sit with all my other DVDs-- never watched. Except for Absoultley Fabulous. I can watch those over and over.

This was the second time I had gone to Best Buy and there is this girl who came up each time and really got in my face asking if I needed any help and assuring me that if I decided I did need help that she would be there. Here name was Heidi, she had braces and I wanted to strangle her.

I saw Kathy Griffin on Wednesday at the old movie theater which is now a perfoming arts center. It is the same movie theater that I saw "Beaches" and "Batman" and "Jaws 4" at. Kathy Griffin was hilarious-- could have listened to her forever.

Win Dinner at McDonalds with Me

CLICK HERE AND LET'S GO TO MCDONALD'S

A mind blowing evening of conversation, laughter and tears is all yours for the right price. The highest bidder will win a private 1 & 1/2 hour dinner with Jeremy at the fast food resturaunt of his/her choice (in Chicago) on the date of his/her choice. The money will go directly from eBay to Better Existence With HIV in Evanston (Chicagoland).

The mission of Better Existence With HIV is to improve the lives of people with HIV and AIDS in the communities it serves through a comprehensive range of quality public services, to inform the public about the virus and risk reduction behavior, and to increase understanding and compassion for people with HIV and AIDS.

tressant supreme

skewl stuff

Some stuff I did for school the last couple semesters, thought I'd share it with you

For Western European History, I made these Russian "Pop"aganda posters...









And...

This is my final project for oral history. I interviewed a Greek American gentleman and decided to remix the best quotes from the interview into a song by Air called "Alone in Kyoto." The voice is a computer text to speech robot. Have a listen.

jeremy's official american idol statement

I feel like I should make some sort of statement after watching almost every American Idol show this season. It was really fun. I have never done that before, watched something that religiously. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Dionne Warwick and Burt Bacharach sang tonight. Fantastic! She looks great.

And Prince sang!! I remember when I was little I used to think Prince was creepy and Michael Jackson was normal. Well the tables have certainly turned on that one. Delightful!

Before the results were announced Katharine and Taylor sang "I've Had The Time Of My Life." So much fun.

Taylor Hicks won of course. I really wish Elliot had won, I would had to have been hospitalized. I would have been so happy.

I can't wait for next season.

Call England

At the end of the day in junior high, I felt amazed that I made it through another day and deep dread knowing that I would have to go through it all again. After school, I could go home on the bus or hang around after with Kara and or Heather and then walk to my grandparents house- my dad would stop there on his way home from work and then take me home.

Actually, I think it was Heather and I who would hang around afterschool for a little bit. There was wrestling practice in the little gym behind the bigger gym. I don't remember the goal of hanging around the wrestling practice area. I do remember the smell of what must have been the gym floor or the polish they used to clean the gym floor. There were candy and pop machines which seemed so decadent. If I had change to buy stuff it was like an orgy of cheetohs and snickers and cherry cokes.

There was a payphone there which I would use to call my mother and tell her I didnt take the bus home. The phone was also used to "Call England." There was some 1-800 number that you could call and a british woman would answer and then you would hang up feeling satisfied that you called England.

It was a terrifying time in my life, as junior high is to most kids. Girls getting periods all over white pants...there was a boy in our school that used to say "You beat off" as a casual insult. However, I really thought he had some inside information on me.

I'm With Stupid

I enjoy the Pet Shop Boys new album "Fundamental", escpecially the single "I'm With Stupid." It is about George Bush and Tony Blair.


See you on the TV
Call you every day
Fly across the ocean
Just to let you get your way
No one understands me
Where I'm coming from
Why would I be with someone
Who's obviously so dumb?
Love comes
Love grows
Every time you rise to meet me
Take my hand to greet me
Love comes
Love grows
And power can give a man
Much more than anybody knows


Before we ever met
I thought like everybody did
You were just a moron
A billion-dollar kid
You flew up all the way
Like a hawk chasing a dove
I never thought that I would be
A sacrifice in love
It comes
It grows
And now we're tied together
Everybody knows


Is stupid really stupid
Or a different kind of smart?
Do we really have a relationship
So special in your heart?


I have to ask myself
Like any lover might:
Have you made a fool of me?
Are you not Mr Right?
You grin
I pose
It's not about sincerity
Everybody knows

Is stupid really stupid
Or a different kind of smart?
That's how you stole my heart
I'm with Stupid

desperation interrogation

mr. wells, did you watch all of these shows last night that you recorded-- kath and kim, two episodes of the view, two episodes of ellen, one episode of regis and kelly, one episode of larry king live with guests donnie and marie osmond?
yes
how do you feel about donnie and marie?
marie was freaking me out. something is wrong with her. donnie seems to be together. i just wish they both weren't so zombie-esque about their religion. that's never fun.
what else did you do?
i listened to the audiobook of desperation by stephen king read by kathy bates.
is it scary?
somewhat...but i like kathy bates, so this is why i continue to listen. i prefer audiobooks read by females. i also liked "rose madder" -also by stephen king, read by blair brown who is my favorite audio book reader.
how did you feel about american idol?
i was dissapointed. i voted five times for elliot yasmin. i cried a little when they did the piece about him going home and meeting the governor and stuff. i was very ashamed of myself for crying, so i stopped.
how did you sleep?
ever since i can remember i have had restless leg syndrome, before it even had a name. that bothered me last night.
how are you feeling now?
im feeling good this morning, as usual. i am going to a focus group about healthcare. then i am going to see kara perform at the lincoln lodge. you should go.
i am you.
i know.

think of it as personality dialysis

lalalalala you'll be popular, just not quite as popular as meeeeeeeeeeeeee.

this song makes me happy. im just getting into the "wicked" soundtrack.

lalaaaaaaaaalaallllllllaaaa!

mood swings much?

falling down

bad mood started when an old alcoholic man told me that i was in his seat on the metra.

i walked onto the metra and sat down at a completely empty seat. a guy who was looking out the window on the other side of the train walked up to me and told me to move, that it was "his seat." no bags or tickets or any other markings to indicate that it was "his seat." i was so shocked that i moved and then got angry with myself for moving.

then goddam phone company sent me a "reconditioned" replacement phone. the phone and the battery did not work. so i had to go to the sprint store. after thirty minutes they replaced the battery and then after another thirty minutes they replaced the phone.

i am having a lot of difficulty with customer service lately. god bless every last one of them, but i just want my shit and i want my shit to work and i don't want to have to do a cakewalk and jump through hoops to get my shit. total breakdown. m*therf*ck!

miracle

Today I worry about Siegfried and Roy. Has Siegfried had to find a new lover, since Roy was attacked by that tiger? Or maybe they stopped being intimate years ago. Perhaps their bond was only made more strong by the accident. I just imagine the fights in German behind closed doors. Are there money problems? That's never good for a relationship. I wish them the best.

Growing up during WWII Germany must have been so hard. Putting on magic shows for their distant fathers. Their fathers knowing that something wasn't normal. Then finding each other and building an incredible life together, only to be brought down by the very claws and teeth that they so lovingly cared for.

According to Maria Shriver's documentary "Siegfried and Roy: Miracle," the two are getting by. Or is it just another beautiful show? These are the questions I ask while I have my morning coffee.

i want a russian boyfriend

Just finished watching "The Moscow Skysraper" on the Sundance Channel. I have decided that I want to move to Russia and meet a very attractive Russian gentleman and we will live in the Moscow skyscraper.

Vodka and violent love! Plaster falling off the ceiling. Chasing out rats. Cooped up in the skyscrpaer and doing what we can to survive. I guess there isn't much more to this fantasy. But I'm really into it. This is probably all very offensive but I don't care.

It is not difficult to pretend I am in Russia today. I am cold and am smoking less than delicious cigarettes.

It is good to be away from school for a bit so I can indulge myself in romantic international fantasies.

2 cokes 1 sprite

My teacher emailed me to ask me if I could bring in something for an end-of-semester potluck party for the class. I really struggled with what to bring. I emailed her back- "Pop?" She said "Great, Thanks!"

I felt really uncomfortable with my decision. What is this third grade? "I'll bring pop!" Stupid, I'm so stupid. Why did I say that?

I have had such low self esteem lately that the simple act of bringing a beverage to a classroom party sent me into a tailspin. I went to the 7-11 and almost started crying. Do people even drink pop? Is that totally stupid? And what do I pick out? Coke? Diet Coke? It all started seeming so ridiculous to me.

I chose to buy 2 Coke and 1 Sprite 2 liters. Would people laugh at my choices? It just seemed so ridiculous. "What's with the Sprite, dork?"

I went to class and had my bags of coca cola and sprite and 2 sleeves of styrofoam cups. Jesus Christ! Big fat Styrofoam cups. "Nice cups, asshole. Why'd you get THESE." I wanted to put the bags on a table and sit down quickly so no one would notice what idiot brought them in. There was no table. I had to sit with my two bags at my desk.

Eventually, we set out all the bags of chips and assorted junk food on desks that were pushed together. People started making little plates of chips and to my surprise they started filling their cups with coke and sprite. No one cackled in laughter. No one said "Whoever brought the coke is really stupid!" People simply drank the coke.

I looked around after awhile and many people had styrofoam cups filled with what I bought at the 7-11. They didn't seem to think it was abnormal or stupid in anyway.

It was seriously one of the nicest things that happened all week.

supporter

so i marched in the march on monday. i dont know too much about the issue, i know its incredibly complex-- my basic feeling is that its ridiculous to criminalize millions of people who live in america, have american born children and who work in the shadows of the "legal america." who is a real american?

anyway, because my gay and lesbian studies class was being held right about where the march was taking place (jackson and michigan) our teacher cancelled the class-- but encouraged us to go if we were interested. i was.

i started out very shyly-- as i saw probably two or three "european" faces in the whole march. as many have reported it was crazy huge. a life changing moment. i walked with or on the periphery of the march past michigan and up to grant park. when i got to grant park people started calling me "honky" and asked me if i was in the wrong march. i didn't feel like putting up with this for another three hours, so i stepped out of the march and watched it go by. im a pussy.

the chicago march, at least from what i saw was predominatly hispanic. not many "supporters" at all. in other cities (from what i saw on the television) it wasn't wasn't this way.

it's all tied together. if you do not fit into what those who make the laws see as "american" and "right" then you are unnecessary, disposable, invisible. thats essentially what this is about. the march was a demonstration to show how necessary every american (legal or not) really is. corporations (including my old stomping ground mcdonalds) have been megaprofiting by paying low wages and attracting and accepting those who will work for these wages. to criminalize these americans now is a day late and $5.15 short.

bush is hesitant to support this bill, not because he is suddenly benevolent to illegal immigrants, but because corporations are his homies.

american idol is on. wells, out.

teacup

i spent a wonderful evening watching suzanne somers sell a deep fryer on qvc. really a delight! i almost sent out an emergency mass email to alert everyone to turn on hsn, but i stopped myself. i regret that. the good news is that somers will be on hsn all weekend selling chocolate maple truffle bars, raspberry mousse, facial toning machines and on and on. set your dvrs and vcrs.

last night was the first night that i almost picked up the phone and spent the last twenty dollars in my checking account on a suzanne somers product. the product was an oversized decorative tea cup with a built in infuser. i almost bought it for my mom for mothers day. it looked like something out of alice in wonderland. the cup looked like a flower and the saucer it rested on looked like a leaf. suzanne kept saying that the leaf also looked like a heart. i didnt think it looked like a heart. i mean it did, sort of, but that wasnt the point.

they kept talking it up and gushing over the damn thing and you could see how fast they were selling as they kept oohing and ahhing. it was orgasmic. and then it sold out. the host and suzanne congratulated everyone who got it and i had to accept that i didnt get it.

seriously, im not fucking around. watch hsn this weekend. it will change your life.

"Suzanne brings you products she develops and uses herself - so you know she absolutely adores them. Now every woman can experience the world as a goddess."

I get by faking my recovery

I want to have parties.
I want to have a boyfriend.
I want to- want to stop smoking.
I want to live in a little bungalow in the Los Angeles. So I can have afternoon visits from my very hilarious friends. They love me and I love them.
I want to do crazy drag acts.
I want to live near the ocean or a lake.
I want to thank everyone who has ever helped me, been there for me.
I want my parents to live forever.
I want to go to Studio 54 in the seventies and do coke and have crazy sex and not worry that I will die.
I love Chicago, but I want more- bigger. I want the whole world to be a city.

as if i never said goodbye

had a bad dream about being in a cult. then i had another bad dream that they were making special madonna "confessions on a dancefloor" cigarettes. they had the album cover on the box and the cigarettes were purple. i was really angry because the clerk would not let me buy them for some reason. i was furious.

had easter brunch with my family at the pheasant run resort in st. charles. it was very nice in a suburban vacation desination sort of way. they had a petting zoo for the kids in the parking lot. my three nephews fed chickens and ducks and lots of other vague barnyard animals. goats? sheep? was that a donkey or some sort of retarted horse? anyway, made me want to go on vacation.

the last "vacation" i went on was with Kara to minneapolis for a spoken word convention/festival. this was about 3 years ago. we were to read stuff that we had written at different places in minneapolis. one was a coffee shop with about three people watching. i was out of my mind nervous. i got up to read and i was literally having a seizure, shaking so bad. very funny because it was seriously like reading to three people at a very empty starbucks. i was booked for another "gig" but i cancelled it. that was the last time i "performed" in public (not counting my speech class). the highlight for me was seeing the statue of mary tyler moore throwing her hat up in the air, and we went to a drag show that was pretty good.

i would really like to go to new york in may and see peter and the new sandra bernhard show. also would like to visit heather in arizona. if i had lots of money i would love to take my whole family to disneyworld. i do get very homesick on vacation s. i always want to cut it short.

also, i dont like flying.

vomit

In Crystal Lake for Easter weekend. I spotted American Idol top twenty contestant David Radford (from Crystal Lake Central) in a minivan at the bank. My mom and I were driving home from Chili's and I told her to slow down so I could see if it was really him (he was driving behind us). I kept checking and checking, it was him, it was him.

Everytime I looked I wanted to throw up, I think because he just stared back at me. But so fascinating to me.

I love celebrities. I really do. Can't get enough. Oprah says that worshipping celebrities is dangerous because it takes you off your path to becoming your authentic self. Of course, she says this on television speaking to millions of viewers from her white leather couch.

Happy Easter.

has anyone ever written anything for you?

The audience will be able to view the shadow of my naked larva body metamorphosing into a butterfly as I descend from the ceiling encased in a neon pink vinyl cocoon. As I fly out on Peter Pan cables singing Billy Joels "Pressure," my glittering wingspan and suprisingly toned shirtless chest will delight all those lucky enough to witness.

Honey, I've been locked up in this studiopad for way to long. It's all been administrative- must do taxes, must fill out financial aid forms, must look on craigslist for jobs half-heartedly, blah, blah, blah.

Everything's coming up manic! We've got Madonna's "Sorry" Pet Shop Boys 7" Remix pulsing on the iPod stereo/alarm clock that I did receive for Christmas from my parents. I LAUGH in the face of Christmas. Christmas is so winter. Christmas is so having to let my parents dog back in and thinking I can do it in my socks, but my socks get snow and ice all over them and I just want to die. But that's all over now.

It's all "Guys Gone Wild" and bodyshots and sand encrusted underwear from here on out. I won't have it any other way. Someone grab me a Corona Light and a pack of smokes-- let's go to the beach.

towers and trees

OLD LADY
Changing...
It keeps changing.
I see towers
Where there were trees.
Going,
All the stillness,
The solitude,
Georgie.
Sundays,
Disappearing
All the time,
When things were beautiful...

GEORGE
All things are beautiful,
Mother,
All trees, all towers,
Beautiful.
That tower-
Beautiful, Mother,
See?
A perfect tree.

Pretty isn't beautiful, Mother,
Pretty is what changes.
What the eye arranges
Is what is beautiful.

-"Beautiful," Sunday In The Park With George