Some of My Favorite Sitcom Moments

I Love Lucy
Lucy practices singing.



Roseanne
Roseanne and Dan find some old pot in the basement. I don't smoke pot because I become like Jackie in the bathtub.



Will and Grace
My favorite Karen moment. "Doctor since I have you here..."



Friends
Chandler hides all of Joey's underwear and Joey gets back at him.



Absolutely Fabulous
Bubble tries to figure out how New Year's works.

Ritz Mints!

Yesterday I made some delicious Ritz Mints (courtesy of Martha Stewart) as a gift for a treasured friend. They are so easy-- recipe is here. I have always been excited by using things like corn flakes or Potato chips or whatever to make other things. Really turns me on, don't know why.



Just some Ritz




And some Chocolate with Mint





Cooling




Boxed Up



Ready to deliver to a festive holiday gathering where you can't drink because you're on antidepressants that aren't working.

The Jeremy Show Interviews: Dustin from Big Brother 8

As you know, I spent the last two summers glued to the internet and television watching Big Brother. One of my favorite houseguests, Dustin (a fellow Chicagoan) agreed to chat with me about Big Brother, Prince Harry and whats in his medicine cabinet.

Tell me three things you learned about being on Big Brother 8 and three things that you think the fans should know about the show.
1- EVERYONE is judgemental. Everyone.
2- Skinny people are miserable, ie Daniele
3- Conservative Christians still think homosexuality is a choice! Because apparently, they were asked.

Seeing as I never applied for Big Brother, and I really wasn't a fan of the show either, the whole process was a learning experience about the show. But I think its really important for fans to know that there is a producer who talks to you in the diary room. We don't just sit down and start venting, we're prompted for certain topics, opinions, thoughts, etc... They encourage strategic moves and/or decisions.

I'm sure you're sick of answering this question but watching "Evil Dick" basically gay bash you on the Internet was terrifying. I was totally brought back to junior high, which is his mentality. However, you voted for him to win over his daughter. Why?

I played the game strategically, not personally. When voting for the winner, I put personal issues aside; for both of them. She's SUCH a negative Nancy and he's an over-grown rebellious teen seeking attention. But game-wise, he played the game for two. Every move he made he did for her as well. No one else can say that. He played a strong game because if it were not for him, she would have been gone sooner than later. His comments and gay bashing didn't hurt me as much as it hurt others. What he did to the women in the house was in my eyes, much worse.

more on Dick Donato's irresponsible behavior via Logo online


Why didn't you stay in LA?

I still have 3 classes left to take for my major here and LA is dirty, tacky, and expensive. Some of my best friends live there, but Its not right for me right now. I'm much more a "New York City Boy"

What is the craziest fan experience you've had and what's the most annoying thing people ask you?

Craziest Fan experience. I had a crier once. I was at the airport on my way from Minneapolis to Chicago and there was a woman who gasped, threw her hands over her head and cried. She didn't only take a photo with me, but of me as well. tying my shoe, digging in my bag, walking away. She straight up paparazzied my ass. A stranger also told me his best friend had died that day. That was bizarre too.

You are studying fashion. What is your first fashion memory? What movies, celebrities, etc, influence your fashion sense? What are you trying to say with your sense of style?

My first fashion memory is my black overalls with choo-choo trains on them. I was 3; They were so fly and I was a pimp in them. I never wanted to take them off and I will never forget them.
My sense of style is non-existent. I don't do patterns, I rarely wear colors, and I like simplicity. Classics with class I guess. Its important for me to have staple pieces on at all times. Great footwear is essential. For the summer in BB though, I packed all lounge wear which included the grey t-shirt.

Take me through a typical day with Dustin…
Coffee, breakfast, and stretching in the morning, work all day, Gym by 6, dinner at 8; usually at home. Then I watch a movie, talk on the phone and pass out. Like clockwork though, I wake up at 2:45 AM and have a snack and a bottle of water, which is where I am now.

Do you have a favorite Chicago bar/hangout and why?
I RARELY go out. Statement of truth. So when I do, its by someone else's accord and I just go with the flow where they go. In the summer I love Foster Beach. Its low-key and down the street from me.

If you were to go to a therapist what issue do you think you'd spend the most time working on?.....Tell me more about that….
HAHAHA Trust issues! As you know from the show, there is a lot of trust that was broken in my one and only relationship to date. My best friend slept with my ex, family members have lied and stolen from me. There's just a lot of deceit in my past so its hard for me to trust others.

Can you tell me what you have in your medicine cabinet. Please list all the contents, brand names, etc.
band-aids, neosporin, clean&clear astringent, Murray's pomade, MAC concealer, Tweezerman tweezers, Tweezerman toenail clipper, Renu contact solution, my glasses, an eyelash curler, back-up contacts, Target optical lens cleaner, sponges, various chapsticks with the labels peeled off, Arrid XX - Morning Clean, Dayquil, and Biore pore strips.

What are you asking Santa for this Christmas?
Hunter Wellington Boots, black, size 43
and the Six Feet Under complete season DVD collection. Bets are high that I'll receive neither! I'm single dammit!

The Dustin Celebrity Playlist-- Name ten songs that we should be listening to?
RJD2 - 1976
Scala & Kolacny Brothers - Heartbeats
basement jaxx - Smoke Bubbles
Seal - Waiting For You
The Blow - Hey Boy
Uffie - Pop the Glock
Of Montreal - A Sentence of Sorts in Kortsvinger
Hard-Fi - Move on Now
Annie Lennox - Little Bird
Original Broadway Cast of Fosse - Crunchy Granola Suite


I see that you like the Pet Shop Boys. Please tell my boyfriend why he should listen to them, he hates them.
If you're feeling blue, and in the mood for some campy 80's electro-beats with an incredibly smooth lead singer, its all there! Lets face it, West End Girls is played EVERYWHERE, from Office Max to Tattoo Parlors. Everyone ought to love a little Pet Shop.

I also see that you enjoy Madonna, what are your top three songs?
Borderline, Frozen, and Holiday

So you and Prince Harry are on a date, after you've both snorted some vodka, what's your perfect evening?
After having our photograph taken by the paparazzi, for future reference that this evening did, in fact, occur; We go back to the palace. He dresses up like the prince that he is and we equestrian ride for a few hours. I of course, get to wear riding boots. Then we snort more vodka, followed by smoking crumpets and eating tea. We sit in the royal throne for a minute while gazing at each other and do it right there on the palace floor. A sex tape is later "leaked" to the British media.

I want to thank Dustin so much for his time. Because of the writer's strike CBS is putting Big Brother back on the air this February. I am going to try like hell not to watch it. That's bullshit.

made a cake tonight 2

Tonight I got off my white ass and walked through the icy drizzle to my local Walgreens. I wanted to make Amy Sedaris' Huella's Chocolate Cake. Really getting into cooking and crafting lately. Can't get enough of it.

I'm a loyal customer to my Walgreens as there is no other place to buy foodstuffs and sundries in my neighborhood. There is a colorful cast of characters in this place that must like their jobs, because I don't see a lot of turnover. There is a very nice FTM trans gentleman, he is not the manager but he "can help you with whatever you need." I know because I asked for a manager to find out if it was really true that I could not buy cigarettes with my prescriptions and he told me gently but firmly that it was against their policy. Well there policy must have changed because I've been doing it since I lived here. They must have put a memo up about me. There are three very cranky ladies who I don't get along with. One is the "Beauty Advisor." Now I don't want to get mean, but she must follow the "do as I say, not as I do" philosophy. Maybe she's so burned out giving Walgreens beauty advice that she doesn't have anytime left for herself. All in all they are a very capable crew and I have had no problems. My favorite pharmacy tech is this beautiful woman who I think I really connect with. She is very motherly and smart. We kind of exchange these glances like we both "get it," you know?

Anyway so here are some pics of Amy Sedaris' Huella's Chocolate Cake. A very small cake that I used a too-big bundt pan for because I realized I didn't have another pan. I used Hershey's REAL DARK for the chocolate-- Um... F'ing Delicious!! I grated what I had left over the top.



Smoked a cigarette while mixin', ain't gonna hurt it none.


Could not get the damn thing out. Had to force it. I know all the tricks but it wasn't budging.



So it broke apart a little.


Mmmmm. Frosting made it better.


Throw a sequined poinsettia on it and call it a day.

its all in how you word it

My therapist told me that I live life in fantasies. Good fantasies, bad fantasies. That began as a child, escaping anything real and uncomfortable in my life. Pretending I was a gameshow host or fashioning a mermaid costume out of a sheet and cardboard to escape the horror of bombardment in gym or parents use of yelling as a form of communication.

My current fantasy, is of being a writer. Living in my Hollywood bungalow. Brilliant, funny scripts all over my dark wood desk. Working at home during the day, letting the dog outside. Pouring another cup of coffee, lighting another cigarette. Struggling with writers block. Investigating a lady from next door doing something loud outside. Struggling with mild depression. Standing alone during parties, looking put together but lonely. Taking a cigarette break outside on the balcony overlooking the lights of Los Angeles. Meeting a beautiful, hilarious, rapid cycling manic depressive girl on the balcony who somehow manages to seduce me even though I am gay. Letting her down easy and becoming best friends.

My current life could be someone else's fantasy I guess. Living in one of the greatest cities in the world. Struggling with a non specific depression. A frustrated but loyal boyfriend. Dependent on loving parents. Smart, anxious, sometimes funny, badly dressed. A hypochondriacal manchild who is more often than not, correct about his self diagnoses. Hopelessly lost in paper, student loans, cable bills, presumptuous offers from credit card companies.

Bad fantasies I have gotten caught up in run the gamut from being convinced of immediate death to being jailed for my own or someone elses fantasies. My parents leaving me, anyone leaving me. Quick and swift abandonment. Being jailed for writing a bad check at Walgreens. Leaving the oven on.

I have somehow managed to get back on a semi-spiritual track. I found my godspot through the following song (can you post a blog without a video anymore). I was laying in bed with my headphones on. My long limbed beautiful boyfriend next to me snoring his way through a dream sponsored by the Walt Disney Company. I began to travel through time with the help of Madonna and realized, again, that I am not the center of the universe and no matter what, things will be ok.

Forget your life
Forget your problems
Administration, Bills and Loans
Come with me

made a cake

I made a cake tonight and threw it in the garbage. I ruined it with a caramel frosting I made that turned into rock candy because I don't have a candy thermometer. It's on my christmas list now. I can't stand not knowing what temperature things are.



I also put up my Christmas tree, it looks the same as it did last year.
Need new ornaments and need new tree. It's sort of a red/gold mess that I really got a charge out of three years ago.

I asked my parents if they wanted to have Chinese food on Christmas. That should be fun. Very A Christmas Story.

she's that girl

I love these Madonna Barbie Dolls someone is making. It's work that needs to be done. The miniature monkey purse makes me want to cut myself! So adorable.

my songs are my children

Remembering doctors

My pediatrician had red Lucille Ball hair and very cold fingers. The nurse looked like Shelley Duvall. Once she came into say that the doctor was "tied up" and I thought that she was really tied up and that frightened me because everyone was acting like it was normal.

I had several ingrown toenail surgeries at that office. The nurse told me that cutting your toenails "is an art."

the only thing i like about film is women

breathtaking montage. i wish i thought of it.

irreplaceable

I have had this song in my head, non-stop for days. Beyonce and her infectious songs. "To the left! To the left! Everything you own in a box to the left! I can have another you in a minute. Matter fact he'll be here in a minute."

I am on a completely reversed sleep schedule. Goddam. Was supposed to go to the doctor today but they rescheduled. I am crazier than a mouse driving stick shift. Ah, what do you do?

get out of the car! get! out!

I finished watching the entire first series of "Damages" on FX. A waste of time. I don't normally watch lawyery type shows because I have trouble following them. I was attracted to this one because its in New York City and it has Glenn Close in it and I liked the theme song/opening credits. That's about all I liked about it though-- lots of flashbacks and a confusing narrative thats more trouble than its worth.

I do want to be Glenn Close marching around in pantsuits, being very abrupt. Bluish gray lighting. Making billion dollar settlements with a smirk.

I'll probably watch next season.

My bipolar is acting up. They need to make some sort of cream or spray. Just spray the room down when the bipolar starts stinking up the room. I feel like bipolar is the new "neurotic." Just some blanket term to cover an enormous variety of symptoms that may or may not be connected. I mean I don't think these psychiatrists have any idea what the hell they are doing and all of us crazies are just paying for vacations to wherever psychiatrists vacation. I say get out of the car! Get! Out! I've been around the block several times. Several times. I know how this works and its a losing game.

Lady Bunny

I just want to give a shout out to Lady Bunny for somehow finding the most hilarious videos on the net. Bookmark her site!!!

Here's some beautiful Bulgarians singing "Oh Susanna!" Makes me want to cry.

Such a delight!

If the trumpeting isn't enough, you have to wait for the dance sequences. Stacy Hedger reminds me it's good to be alive.

we're going with another candidate

My interview at Borders did not go well. I have never been good at job interviews. My therapist and I once worked on differentiating between a job interview and therapy. I tend to act the same in both situations.

I really wanted to work at Borders again. I had a fantasy of just zoning out and making perfect OCD stacks of books. I love helping customers find just the right book or cd, never giving up until the mission was accomplished. I remembered how good I was and how much I enjoyed it, I was so excited.

I got to the interview ten minutes early as recommended by my work program teacher in high school (one of the other recommendations was not to smoke, even if the interviewer asked you if you wanted a cigarette, can you imagine). A bald "operations manager" directed me to sit in the cafe and wait for someone to come down and get me. I waited for a half hour. Finally a lady came down and started yelling "Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy..." in the bookstore, not the cafe. I had to go out and follow her call to find her.

We waited for an elevator together. She didn't say anything until she cracked her neck real loud, "I've been waiting all day to do that." Charmed! We walked into the backroom past the employee breakroom full of employees flopped all over a table staring at me with blank expressions to my still hopeful shy smile.

Into a room where we were met by a squat woman with homemade tattoos on both arms. Ah, Borders! Good to be back. So edgy with your helpful workers with soul patches and body jewelry. The asexual pierced boys and goth girls who fit happily into such a strange corporate groove. I'm not bitter.

I sat between the two women as they began their questioning. Maybe I've been watching too much "Damages" but I felt like I was giving a deposition. They went through a list of questions that all started with, "Tell me about a specific time when..." My mind started racing, I knew I couldn't come up with specific times when I was helping a difficult customer or had a disagreement with a manager or whatever. My memory is so fuzzy, I don't catalog things like that in my head. I gave general answers, good general answers-- I actually surprised myself. But ohhh how they wanted specifics, "Can you tell me about a specific time when that happened?" I considered making things up but I'm not good at that. Well, I'm good when it doesn't have to make sense. "Once there was a turtle that came in and he was looking for a book on sewing and he was real mad because he had a broken leg so I suggested we go swimming together but first we decided to go to Arby's..." I can do that.

Anyway, they were not happy with me and I just got frustrated to the point that I was like-- "Ahhh NO! We already established that I can't remember specific times!! Let's move on ladies!!!"

It's been a rough few months. A rough half of a year since I landed back in Illinois from dreamy California. I don't know if its my anti-anxiety meds but that seems so far away and hazy. Who was that person driving around in a black Kia on Hollywood Boulevard? Such a mystery to me. I've become so fixated on that person who could get up at 6:30 in the Los Angeles sunshine everyday and do things. Writing funny 30 Rock scripts like it was no big deal. So fascinating from this perspective- a considerably less sunny place.

I received a friendly voicemail yesterday informing me that they went with another candidate but my resume will be kept on file.

benny lava

From LadyBunny's blog-- my source for a lot of crazy videos- an Indian video with someone's attempt at deciphering what the lyrics are. I actually really like this song.

i. love. martha. stewart.

I am very excited about the new Martha Stewart line at Macy's. Holy Crap! I just went to macys.com and she just walked right out on my screen!!

I love when she talks about tag sales! Ohh, how I'd love to go to a tag sale in Maine. Maybe pick up some interesting pieces of sea glass. I also love when she talks about parchment paper. Parchment paper!

all my money is gone! GONE!!!

poor girl

I fear this is how I sound in job interviews.

You are well aware of your inner feelings

I recently graduated from college at thirty one years old. I do consider this an achievement. I would like to go back immediately. I desire approval and constant positive reinforcement for writing papers on topics like Sandra Bernhard and Big Brother 7. I have been thrust into a new world that isn't interested in such things. It is confusing and fast paced and I don't appreciate it.

I had high hopes when I graduated. I really wanted to work for Big Brother. Seriously. I was ashamed to say this. I think, however, the show encompasses all that I am interested in -- documentary, psychology, pop culture with a large dose of trash. I sent my resume and I have not been contacted. Which is really unfortunate. She doesn't know what she lost.

I have subsequently sent my resume to other jobs I am interested in-- Oprah, Playboy, coffee shops, temp services. Lackluster results at best.

Yesterday after a morning of talk that would have made me cry if I wasn't so hopped up on antidepressants-- getting real with the boy I love, we went to the zoo. Very pleasant. An ice cream by a pond with ducks and foliage, talking of movies and things. A suggestion was made for me to apply at Blockbuster video which was met with great resistance on my part. Not feeling well with my dirty clothes and hair, painted fake toenails and general crazy.

I went into the blockbuster feeling like a teenage boy asking for a summer job with his mom out in the car. The E. Lynn Harris gentleman at the desk was so kind to me that I almost cried again. He looked into my eyes and told me that they were hiring in September and gave me the information in a very friendly and nonjudgmental tone.

So today, I applied online. A thirty seven page personality test ensued. I had taken it before, which was one of the reasons I dreaded applying. These tests always stump me.

You are often very anxious about issues in your life:
Strongly Agree
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Disagree

Strongly Disagree!!
I am a robot. I have no concerns. I have reached total enlightenment. I have no desires, wants, needs or problems in my life. This is why I have decided to apply at Blockbuster Video.