commerative speech

Welcome to the grand opening of Cherchez La Femme Women's Bookstore and Coffee Shop. I was honored when Connie, the manager asked me to speak today. Unfortunately, Connie can't be here today because she is having ingrown toenail surgery. She sends her love and get wait to get back to work.

These Women.

Alanis Morisette
Barb
Barbara Mandrell
Bette Davis
Bette Midler
Britney Spears
Cher
Dawn
Dolly Parton


Ellen Degeneres
Eva Peron
Gilda Radner
Gloria Estefan
Heather
Hillary

Janet Jackson
Jennifer Saunders
Joan Crawford
Joan Rivers
Joanna Lumley

Kara
Kylie Minogue
Lisa Kudrow
Lucille Ball
Madonna
Margaret Cho

Martha Stewart
Melika
Molly Shannon

My female teachers
My Grandmothers
My Mother
My sister
Nicole

Olivia Newton-John
Oprah
Pat
Renee
Roseanne
Rosie
Sandra Bernhard
Tammy Faye

Terri Gross
Tina Turner and
Whitney Houston



These women. These women live in my life. These women live in my apartment. These women live on my dusty shelves.

In my book collection, in my cd and dvd collections. These women live on my television.

These women live in my Ipod. These women live in my computer. These women live in my classrooms.

For a guy. For a guy that doesn't like himself sometimes. For a guy that goes from self induced crisis to self induced crisis. For a guy that smokes too much and sleeps too much and feels too much, too often like he is a smudge on a window. These women, these women tell him, he's ok. Even when he's not.

When I am poisoned, each woman is an antidote. When I am filled with viruses and my internal hard drive fails to work, these women perform a system restore. When the drugs fail to work, the prozac, the caffeine, the nicotine, the xanax --- these women perform some sort of miracle and get me out of bed, maybe even into the shower, maybe even to school or work.

They paint a picture of this guy. They paint a picture of this guy without even knowing it. They paint a picture of this guy creating. They paint a picture of this guy being semi responsible. They paint a picture of this guy using all of his retarted masculine pain and pathos and anger to do something other than sleeping.

No man can do this. No man has the magic, or the glitter, or the potion that can make this happen. The penis is amusing, but it does not have magical powers. and I have tested this.

It is only the women. Women are born in the sea and they walk up from the ocean floor through the waves and on to the shore. Women keep the Sears Tower up. Women send the space shuttle into orbit.

Do you get it? I'm not sure I do. All I know is that women have immense power.

Each woman I see everyday on the bus. The bus driver with crazy long fingernails, the nanny taking care of children, the Lincoln park trixie reading whatever the number one bestseller is, the woman talking to herself, the girl with blue hair on her way to an art school. They are the deitys. They are goddesses.

Perhaps it is because they give life. They nurture, they tend to the global garden. I do not know the reason. I do not know the reason but I am aware of their power. Somewhere along the line I became aware of their power. And it is their power that keeps me going. Some may worship in the church of Bjork. Some may pray to the Golden Girls. I attend services at the Holy Church of Bette Midler and Madonna.

I hope this hasn't come to you too fast, but I don't think it's too late to remember and celebrate the power of women in your lives.