confessions on my christmas tree.

i put up my christmas tree. i know its early. but i thought, better early than never.

went with a gold and red theme. its overloaded with ornaments and it looks really great. but now im creeped out that its up. want time to speed up so i dont feel weird about it. "hi, my name is crazy, do you wanna dye easter eggs with me in november?" i listened to the carpenters christmas album while i did it. ah, karen. i think i shall listen to her as i fall asleep tonight.

anyway, it reminded me of my two and half years working at an artificial christmas tree company. whenever i say that i worked at an artificial christmas tree company people don't hear correctly and think that i worked at a christmas tree lot. they think that i was the creepy guy in the little trailer with the space heater.

no, i was the creepy guy in an office selling christmas trees through the internet. i sat all day at a desk answering hundreds of questions on the telephone and via email like:

(honest to god, these people weren't kidding)
"do you have half trees?"
"do you have pencil (thin) trees?"
"do you have black christmas trees?"
"do you have have upside down christmas trees?"
"do you have the trees that shoot fake snow from the top?"
"do you have the charlie brown christmas tree?"
"can the trees be used year round as actual pine trees in my front yard?"

the job was VERY INTENSE. people are VERY SERIOUS about christmas trees.
most people are. a lot of people turn up there noses at artificial trees. some people don't like the cutting down of real trees, etc, etc. everyone has the way they do it or the way their family has always done it and its very very sacred to us. and when it gets closer to christmas, of course, we all lose are minds.

i just wanted some time alone with my tree. before i worry about giving and receiving gifts and money and arguments and blah blah blah.

it's weird i feel like it's alive. like it's another person or spirit in the room. like i cant walk around naked or anything in front of it. i can't invite a mysterious stranger over to have a late night romantic liason -- the christmas tree is watching me. my christmas tree is my new roommate. silent, beautiful but somehow judgmental.

i wish you a merry christmas/holiday season before the shit gets crazy.