take a bow

"Madonna was shocked at a recent signing appearance to promote her children's books -- because the crowd was almost entirely made up of gay men.
The pop star expected to see a host of young children with their parents lining up to have their copy of "The Adventures Of Abdi" signed -- but only spotted one youngster during the whole session.
'It was all gay men apart from one woman with her child,' she said. 'I was so shocked.'
World Entertainment News Network

You know what, Madonna, we're just as confused as you. I remember when your first children's book came out, I bought it for the daughter of one of my best friends. I didn't read it, I just felt like I needed to purchase a copy. My friend never really commented on receiving it for her child. "Great, Madonna's children's book," she must have thought.

If you started endorsing frozen peas and had a signing at a grocery store for your frozen peas we'd all be lined up outside the grocery store to buy our bag of Madonna's Frozen Peas and to see you. I don't even like peas, but I'd be there because, like it or not, I'm a lifelong fan.

I don't think you should be shocked that only gay men showed up for your book signing. As retarted as it is, we put you where you are. We defended you from Dick Tracy to Body of Evidence to Swept Away. So why not give a little something back that doesn't require us to float around the children's section at Borders like hungry pedophiles.

Let's get to work before it's too late:

1) Let's go ahead and finish that tour documentary and cut out all the shit about the Kaballah. Let's not get all Tom Cruise right now, I don't think I can take it.

2) No more songs about how you used to be obsessed with fame and fashion but now you're seeing the light. We got the point four records ago.

3) No more movies with your husband. Find another Evita. Another extended music video movie that'll will win you an Oscar, so we can move on. Call Baz Luhrman or dig up some old Bob Fosse musical.

4) Forget adding your voice to the Puss N' Boots, Shrek sequel sequel. It's a waste of time.

5) Give us another "Into the Groove"/"Music"/"Vogue" that we can shake our sagging gay asses and overdeveloped thirtysomething/fortysomething pot bellies to. We don't have a lot of time left on the dance floor in the back until we have to take our seat at the bar in the front of the club. You know it and I know it.