I am very excited about the new Martha Stewart line at Macy's. Holy Crap! I just went to macys.com and she just walked right out on my screen!!
I love when she talks about tag sales! Ohh, how I'd love to go to a tag sale in Maine. Maybe pick up some interesting pieces of sea glass. I also love when she talks about parchment paper. Parchment paper!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
You are well aware of your inner feelings
I recently graduated from college at thirty one years old. I do consider this an achievement. I would like to go back immediately. I desire approval and constant positive reinforcement for writing papers on topics like Sandra Bernhard and Big Brother 7. I have been thrust into a new world that isn't interested in such things. It is confusing and fast paced and I don't appreciate it.
I had high hopes when I graduated. I really wanted to work for Big Brother. Seriously. I was ashamed to say this. I think, however, the show encompasses all that I am interested in -- documentary, psychology, pop culture with a large dose of trash. I sent my resume and I have not been contacted. Which is really unfortunate. She doesn't know what she lost.
I have subsequently sent my resume to other jobs I am interested in-- Oprah, Playboy, coffee shops, temp services. Lackluster results at best.
Yesterday after a morning of talk that would have made me cry if I wasn't so hopped up on antidepressants-- getting real with the boy I love, we went to the zoo. Very pleasant. An ice cream by a pond with ducks and foliage, talking of movies and things. A suggestion was made for me to apply at Blockbuster video which was met with great resistance on my part. Not feeling well with my dirty clothes and hair, painted fake toenails and general crazy.
I went into the blockbuster feeling like a teenage boy asking for a summer job with his mom out in the car. The E. Lynn Harris gentleman at the desk was so kind to me that I almost cried again. He looked into my eyes and told me that they were hiring in September and gave me the information in a very friendly and nonjudgmental tone.
So today, I applied online. A thirty seven page personality test ensued. I had taken it before, which was one of the reasons I dreaded applying. These tests always stump me.
You are often very anxious about issues in your life:
Strongly Agree
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Strongly Disagree!!
I am a robot. I have no concerns. I have reached total enlightenment. I have no desires, wants, needs or problems in my life. This is why I have decided to apply at Blockbuster Video.
I had high hopes when I graduated. I really wanted to work for Big Brother. Seriously. I was ashamed to say this. I think, however, the show encompasses all that I am interested in -- documentary, psychology, pop culture with a large dose of trash. I sent my resume and I have not been contacted. Which is really unfortunate. She doesn't know what she lost.
I have subsequently sent my resume to other jobs I am interested in-- Oprah, Playboy, coffee shops, temp services. Lackluster results at best.
Yesterday after a morning of talk that would have made me cry if I wasn't so hopped up on antidepressants-- getting real with the boy I love, we went to the zoo. Very pleasant. An ice cream by a pond with ducks and foliage, talking of movies and things. A suggestion was made for me to apply at Blockbuster video which was met with great resistance on my part. Not feeling well with my dirty clothes and hair, painted fake toenails and general crazy.
I went into the blockbuster feeling like a teenage boy asking for a summer job with his mom out in the car. The E. Lynn Harris gentleman at the desk was so kind to me that I almost cried again. He looked into my eyes and told me that they were hiring in September and gave me the information in a very friendly and nonjudgmental tone.
So today, I applied online. A thirty seven page personality test ensued. I had taken it before, which was one of the reasons I dreaded applying. These tests always stump me.
You are often very anxious about issues in your life:
Strongly Agree
Agree
Disagree
Strongly Disagree
Strongly Disagree!!
I am a robot. I have no concerns. I have reached total enlightenment. I have no desires, wants, needs or problems in my life. This is why I have decided to apply at Blockbuster Video.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
dragonslayer
How wonderful it is when you discover something you were worried about is nothing to be worried about. A dragon, a demon breathing fire in your face -- you turn your head and it is vanished into dust.
Coming home from school, worried in the carport. Terrified to tell my mother, that yes, I had been reprimanded at school for something. Feeling heavy with dread, lead stomach. Then to tell her and she did not so much as blink. Fixing dinner. Perhaps other things were of more importance. And all that worry for nothing.
How much of my life is this? Worried about demons that do not exist. And most do not, most demons, dragons, rats crawling around my ankles-- they are not real. I would like to say that the dragon is gone. Yes, and I shall live my life without a care and a worry. But this is not the case.
I will always find a new dragon, something disgusting and terrible to spend the majority of my time concerning myself with until I learn to become a dragonslayer.
Coming home from school, worried in the carport. Terrified to tell my mother, that yes, I had been reprimanded at school for something. Feeling heavy with dread, lead stomach. Then to tell her and she did not so much as blink. Fixing dinner. Perhaps other things were of more importance. And all that worry for nothing.
How much of my life is this? Worried about demons that do not exist. And most do not, most demons, dragons, rats crawling around my ankles-- they are not real. I would like to say that the dragon is gone. Yes, and I shall live my life without a care and a worry. But this is not the case.
I will always find a new dragon, something disgusting and terrible to spend the majority of my time concerning myself with until I learn to become a dragonslayer.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
5 Questions with Mike from Big Brother
Mike Dutz made such a graceful exit on Big Brother that I had to ring him up and ger his thoughts on the show and other important issues.
1. You have a great body! Where is the first place to start (exercise wise) that would get rid of a beer belly?
Cardio, lots and lots of cardio.
2.Kraft Macaroni and Cheese or Velveeta Shells and Cheese?
Velveeta Shells and cheese
3.Anything exciting happen while you were gone?
I've lined up potential work from being on the show.
4. Best moment in BB house?
The strong man competition!
5. How many wives does Magnus have?
7 wives
Love the show and really fell in love with you on the last episode. You should be really proud of yourself.
Thanks for watching and supporting me on the show. It was an honor to be there.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
HAHAHAHA
I haven't laughed so hard in months. Nearly pooped my pants. Another take on "Welcome To My Home!" A classic.
Moose Hoof!! Vageeenn!! Doggy running the camcorder.
Moose Hoof!! Vageeenn!! Doggy running the camcorder.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Caprice Classic
Milly got the Caprice Classic from when her dad died. I remember the first night she had it, she drove up to the bar in it smiling ear to ear. She had been gone a couple of days because of her dad dying and everything. Her dad lived upstate. Milly grew up there.
Everyone said she looked like a man. She dressed like a man. We all wear our jean jackets and jeans and sneakers. I do, when I'm running errands and whatever. But she never dressed like a woman, not even for a wedding or a bbq. Milly didn't even own a dress, I bet. I wear my hair long and dyed blond. I'm a brunette. But I like mine blond, thats my choice. Just like it was Milly's choice to never wear a sundress.
So when she pulled up to the bar in that fancy car we all came outside. Boo came in and said "Milly's pullin' up in a Caddy!" Of course it wasn't a Caddy. Boo's taken so much crank, he don't know the difference between a Caddy and his balls. Boo's a crankhead. He gets to be real nervous sometimes. The first night I met Boo I was dancing with him and he started getting nervous and had to go outside and walk it off. The night Milly pulled up in that Caprice Classic that's what Boo was doing. Walking back and forth in front of the bar, mumbling to himself.
We all went running out and Milly had that smile on her face walking towards me.
I asked her where in the hell she got that car. She said it was her mom's and went inside. She didn't say anymore to me. Just walked into the bar.
When the two boys went missing I didn't think too much of it. The boys were from two towns over. It was sad to hear about, but I didn't know them and no one I knew heard of them. It was just another story on the news. Plus I had my own shit going on, Dennis and I were having a rough time. He wasn't working, which was one thing. When I found him outside snorting crank with Boo that was another. I took Michelle and moved in with my dad. I became more interested in the story of the missing boys when I was living with Dennis' dad. He had the tv on all day.
So one night when we were watching the "The Nanny" they broke in with a report that they had a suspect and it was Milly! Someone said they had seen that Caprice Classic at a park the afternoon the boys went missing. I found out later she had been questioned about it one night at the bar. Two policemen pulled her outside and asked her some questions, I guess. They let her go. I wasn't at the bar during that time because me and Dennis wasn't on speaking terms, you could say.
I think Milly would look nice in a dress. I think girls should dress like girls. Nothing mean, I just think it's fun to be pretty. But Milly would always wear that same outfit with the jean jacket buttoned all the way to the top and those jeans and hightops.
Everyone said she looked like a man. She dressed like a man. We all wear our jean jackets and jeans and sneakers. I do, when I'm running errands and whatever. But she never dressed like a woman, not even for a wedding or a bbq. Milly didn't even own a dress, I bet. I wear my hair long and dyed blond. I'm a brunette. But I like mine blond, thats my choice. Just like it was Milly's choice to never wear a sundress.
So when she pulled up to the bar in that fancy car we all came outside. Boo came in and said "Milly's pullin' up in a Caddy!" Of course it wasn't a Caddy. Boo's taken so much crank, he don't know the difference between a Caddy and his balls. Boo's a crankhead. He gets to be real nervous sometimes. The first night I met Boo I was dancing with him and he started getting nervous and had to go outside and walk it off. The night Milly pulled up in that Caprice Classic that's what Boo was doing. Walking back and forth in front of the bar, mumbling to himself.
We all went running out and Milly had that smile on her face walking towards me.
I asked her where in the hell she got that car. She said it was her mom's and went inside. She didn't say anymore to me. Just walked into the bar.
When the two boys went missing I didn't think too much of it. The boys were from two towns over. It was sad to hear about, but I didn't know them and no one I knew heard of them. It was just another story on the news. Plus I had my own shit going on, Dennis and I were having a rough time. He wasn't working, which was one thing. When I found him outside snorting crank with Boo that was another. I took Michelle and moved in with my dad. I became more interested in the story of the missing boys when I was living with Dennis' dad. He had the tv on all day.
So one night when we were watching the "The Nanny" they broke in with a report that they had a suspect and it was Milly! Someone said they had seen that Caprice Classic at a park the afternoon the boys went missing. I found out later she had been questioned about it one night at the bar. Two policemen pulled her outside and asked her some questions, I guess. They let her go. I wasn't at the bar during that time because me and Dennis wasn't on speaking terms, you could say.
I think Milly would look nice in a dress. I think girls should dress like girls. Nothing mean, I just think it's fun to be pretty. But Milly would always wear that same outfit with the jean jacket buttoned all the way to the top and those jeans and hightops.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Pottery Barn
With the events of this week I have finally had the time to sit down and write. I'm sitting at my Montego Roll-Top Desk enjoying a fresh cup of dark roast from our local specialty coffee purveyor. Although my Montego Roll-Top Desk is used for working at home, it also serves as the main showpiece of our sitting room which is decorated in The New Naturals.
Above my desk on my Holman Shelf I have grouped what I hope is a whimsical collection of decorative accents: Two Marble Eggs in neutral colors, a Prism Magnifying Glass and a Cane Log Basket. The Two Marble Eggs complete the story that begins with my Egg Shadowbox Wall Art that hangs in the hallway, visible from where I sit in my Megan Camelback Chair.
As you know, Carl was hospitalized. He collapsed and hit is head on the Umbrian Vase after falling from where he was sitting on the Brady Entryway Unit, putting on his shoes. I was in quite a panic as he lay there, unconscious on the Wide-Border Sisal Rug. While it did come as a shock there were signs...
The first came at a simple dinner party we threw this summer. We were finishing up our meal at the Como Extension Dining Table. Everyone agreed that it couldn't have been a better evening (Well, it could have been had my Bosphorous Candle Bowls not broken during shipping).
"We do take every effort in our shipping process to see that your purchases arrive safely," says Pottery Barn.com. I told the associate that seven recyclable packing peanuts aren't going to do the trick. She agreed and issued a $50 credit on my account which I put toward a second Herringbone Matelasse Bedding Collection. She resent the Bosphorous Candle Bowls and said it shouldn't happen again. I've heard that before.
There have been rumors that the Herringbone Matelasse Bedding Collection will be completely discontinued! Of course I anticipated a moratorium on the matching sham, as most shams aren't the biggest sellers. This isn't a huge inconvenience. I mix and match shams (In fact, I will say that I prefer the Palm Leaf sham with the Herringbone Matelasse duvet and coverlet anyway). A complete discontinuation of the Herringbone Matelasse Bedding Collection was a big shocker. I casually mentioned the discontinuation rumor to the Pottery Barn associate and she had no further information regarding either the sham or the entire bedding collection. I was left in the dark again, as usual. Remind me to tell you the Organic Bedding Collection story, that ones epic.
Anyway, that night as we were finishing dessert- a grapefruit sorbet served in Ceramic Chloe Dessert Bowls Carl complained of back pains and had to lay down. I didn't give it much thought, as Carl often complains of aches and pains and has to lay down. After our guests left, I finished washing dishes and put them away in our Distressed Avonlea Dish Cabinet. Then I went back to check on him and he was asleep on the Samantha Chaise. I considered waking him but he looked very comfortable and I left him there. Turns out that was a big mistake. The final spasm landed him in the hospital.
Carl had a NeuroDiskogenic attack. A rare but serious back spasm. I looked it up on our laptop, the one in the sitting room, on the Montego Roll-Top Desk, and I have joined a few forums about it.
I don't like the members of the NeuroDiskogenic forums. They are whiny, unmotivated, and nothing like my PB (Pottery Barn) forums. When there is something that needs to get done with my PB forum members, we get it done. The Organic Bedding Collection is one example, which, again is not something I will get into here. Not the place. Let's just say we got it taken care of.
Anyway, Carl is resting comfortably on the Spencer Sofa and everything is stable right now. The doctor confirmed that, and from what I can piece together from the NeuroDiskogenic forum, Carl will be fine and it shouldn't happen again.
Above my desk on my Holman Shelf I have grouped what I hope is a whimsical collection of decorative accents: Two Marble Eggs in neutral colors, a Prism Magnifying Glass and a Cane Log Basket. The Two Marble Eggs complete the story that begins with my Egg Shadowbox Wall Art that hangs in the hallway, visible from where I sit in my Megan Camelback Chair.
As you know, Carl was hospitalized. He collapsed and hit is head on the Umbrian Vase after falling from where he was sitting on the Brady Entryway Unit, putting on his shoes. I was in quite a panic as he lay there, unconscious on the Wide-Border Sisal Rug. While it did come as a shock there were signs...
The first came at a simple dinner party we threw this summer. We were finishing up our meal at the Como Extension Dining Table. Everyone agreed that it couldn't have been a better evening (Well, it could have been had my Bosphorous Candle Bowls not broken during shipping).
"We do take every effort in our shipping process to see that your purchases arrive safely," says Pottery Barn.com. I told the associate that seven recyclable packing peanuts aren't going to do the trick. She agreed and issued a $50 credit on my account which I put toward a second Herringbone Matelasse Bedding Collection. She resent the Bosphorous Candle Bowls and said it shouldn't happen again. I've heard that before.
There have been rumors that the Herringbone Matelasse Bedding Collection will be completely discontinued! Of course I anticipated a moratorium on the matching sham, as most shams aren't the biggest sellers. This isn't a huge inconvenience. I mix and match shams (In fact, I will say that I prefer the Palm Leaf sham with the Herringbone Matelasse duvet and coverlet anyway). A complete discontinuation of the Herringbone Matelasse Bedding Collection was a big shocker. I casually mentioned the discontinuation rumor to the Pottery Barn associate and she had no further information regarding either the sham or the entire bedding collection. I was left in the dark again, as usual. Remind me to tell you the Organic Bedding Collection story, that ones epic.
Anyway, that night as we were finishing dessert- a grapefruit sorbet served in Ceramic Chloe Dessert Bowls Carl complained of back pains and had to lay down. I didn't give it much thought, as Carl often complains of aches and pains and has to lay down. After our guests left, I finished washing dishes and put them away in our Distressed Avonlea Dish Cabinet. Then I went back to check on him and he was asleep on the Samantha Chaise. I considered waking him but he looked very comfortable and I left him there. Turns out that was a big mistake. The final spasm landed him in the hospital.
Carl had a NeuroDiskogenic attack. A rare but serious back spasm. I looked it up on our laptop, the one in the sitting room, on the Montego Roll-Top Desk, and I have joined a few forums about it.
I don't like the members of the NeuroDiskogenic forums. They are whiny, unmotivated, and nothing like my PB (Pottery Barn) forums. When there is something that needs to get done with my PB forum members, we get it done. The Organic Bedding Collection is one example, which, again is not something I will get into here. Not the place. Let's just say we got it taken care of.
Anyway, Carl is resting comfortably on the Spencer Sofa and everything is stable right now. The doctor confirmed that, and from what I can piece together from the NeuroDiskogenic forum, Carl will be fine and it shouldn't happen again.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
i remember listening to my whoopi goldberg record. she did four or five characters that were funny and really rocked my twelve year old world. i just saw a whoppi goldberg special on bravo, it brought me back to that time. when you would sit and watch or listen to a program and take it all in. no promos, no links to websites, no invitations to interact or vote.
i just hope that kids these days are being inspired and delighted like i was by my whoopi goldberg and joan rivers and bette midler records. it was an adult world that i was exposed to- smart and mysterious. things i didnt understand.
i dont know what im saying. i just think everything is so fast paced and ter
i just hope that kids these days are being inspired and delighted like i was by my whoopi goldberg and joan rivers and bette midler records. it was an adult world that i was exposed to- smart and mysterious. things i didnt understand.
i dont know what im saying. i just think everything is so fast paced and ter
backyard childhood
Palm tree in front
Pretending I was making pancakes with the dried leaves, I called them "cakehots"
Pretending to make ice cream with an overturned big wheel
The railroad ties bordering the back deck with flowers planted in them
The tire swing, rope and tree house in the tree in the back
The sliding glass door to my parents room with sheer white curtains
The large window in the dining area
My grandpa concerned that I was playing with Miss Piggy, having her descend on a rope from the tree
Sandbox I would bury my Millenium Falcon in
The floor to a airplane lavatory I used as a pool
A worn faded Garfield towel
Sleeping outside
Being inspired by amusement park stunt shows and trying to recreate them with the Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom soundtrack on tape
Picnic Table on deck
Tropical looking plants and bushes, not found in Illinois
Grey faded wood with rusty nail heads
A consistent sunny day
Being suspicious of neighbors in back and on both sides, not liking unfamiliar people
Rusty metal swing set, with swing, very hot slide, a four person swing that I pretended was a car
Pretending I was making pancakes with the dried leaves, I called them "cakehots"
Pretending to make ice cream with an overturned big wheel
The railroad ties bordering the back deck with flowers planted in them
The tire swing, rope and tree house in the tree in the back
The sliding glass door to my parents room with sheer white curtains
The large window in the dining area
My grandpa concerned that I was playing with Miss Piggy, having her descend on a rope from the tree
Sandbox I would bury my Millenium Falcon in
The floor to a airplane lavatory I used as a pool
A worn faded Garfield towel
Sleeping outside
Being inspired by amusement park stunt shows and trying to recreate them with the Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom soundtrack on tape
Picnic Table on deck
Tropical looking plants and bushes, not found in Illinois
Grey faded wood with rusty nail heads
A consistent sunny day
Being suspicious of neighbors in back and on both sides, not liking unfamiliar people
Rusty metal swing set, with swing, very hot slide, a four person swing that I pretended was a car
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
stable as a table
feeling a bit better. feeling good. wanna put on my see through slacks and go see a picture show.
went to the library and checked out "49 up," "dolores claiborne," "camelot," and a history channel documentary on queen elizabeth I.
humid.
my ipod seems to have a crush on natalie merchant.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Pick A Tattoo For Me
I have always wanted a tattoo but I can't decide what to get. Please free to send me ideas or comment with pictures on what tattoo I should get. If I like it enough I might get it.
**********************
MY FIVE YEAR PLAN
1. OWN A HOME
2. PRODUCE, WRITE, AND OR ACT IN AN ONGOING THEATRICAL PRODUCTION
3. GET PUBLISHED IN SOMETHING OTHER THAN A BLOG
4. MAKE ENOUGH TO SUPPORT MYSELF
5. TRAVEL OUTSIDE OF COUNTRY
6. QUIT SMOKING
7. EXERCISE (6 and 7 seem like the hardest out of all of these)
8. TAKE WHOLE FAMILY TO DISNEYWORLD
9. DANCE
**********************
MY FIVE YEAR PLAN
1. OWN A HOME
2. PRODUCE, WRITE, AND OR ACT IN AN ONGOING THEATRICAL PRODUCTION
3. GET PUBLISHED IN SOMETHING OTHER THAN A BLOG
4. MAKE ENOUGH TO SUPPORT MYSELF
5. TRAVEL OUTSIDE OF COUNTRY
6. QUIT SMOKING
7. EXERCISE (6 and 7 seem like the hardest out of all of these)
8. TAKE WHOLE FAMILY TO DISNEYWORLD
9. DANCE
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Summer Drama!!!
God how I love the Big Brother. So much fun. This video is an indication of why I am so addicted to the BB live feeds. Air conditioned high drama. Barefeet on cold linoleum. Love it. Love it. If your bored and lonely, I suggest you get the live feeds.
A sneaky lil' devil.
I need help.
A sneaky lil' devil.
I need help.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
the truth, ruth
Feel like I am not taking action but I am. I have contacted people for help, have emailed about jobs. It is hard to do when you are so low. A sickness. An illness. Definitely. No matter how I spin it, no matter how much I blame myself. The evidence is here.
It is critical that I remember this. Once I turn on myself, blame myself-- it's over. The difference between a headache (sadness) and a brain tumor (depression). There are things I can do to help myself but I can't, I can't, can't forget that this is with me for life. Have to learn how to manage it better. Have to have all the safety nets in place always.
***********
I want to cry as I write this. Something holds me back. Probably some medication. I am not doing well and probably shouldn't be posting this. It's a testament, though. Perhaps helpful to others.
I will get through this. The only way out is through.
"The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately" -Alanis
It is critical that I remember this. Once I turn on myself, blame myself-- it's over. The difference between a headache (sadness) and a brain tumor (depression). There are things I can do to help myself but I can't, I can't, can't forget that this is with me for life. Have to learn how to manage it better. Have to have all the safety nets in place always.
***********
I want to cry as I write this. Something holds me back. Probably some medication. I am not doing well and probably shouldn't be posting this. It's a testament, though. Perhaps helpful to others.
I will get through this. The only way out is through.
"The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately" -Alanis
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
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