I have been sort of a hermit all weekend, cuddling my air conditioner. The idea struck me to do laundry so my apartment smells less like feet. I gathered my laundry and looked for quarters. Not enough to wash one load.
I decide to drive to the grocery store to get quarters. Very expensive, but what are you going to do? The lady at Jewel's fabulous TCF bank says she's out of quarters and suggests I go to the service desk. The gentleman at the service desk tells me he isn't "selling" quarters until tomorrow.
I stop at a gas station and the attendant offers me only a dollar in quarters. I stop at a Currency Exchange, they closed two minutes prior.
I go to Walgreens. I see a cashier who had refused me quarters in the past. So I decide to approach the manager.
"Is there anyway I can get a roll of quarters?" I ask, sweaty, desperate.
"No we don't have enough."
A very dramatic about-face and out of the store.
I walk to Staples across the parking lot. I try to flirtatiously (I don't know why, I'm losing my mind) ask an unattractive cashier with a very thin mustache if I can get some quarters.
"You have to buy a candy bar," he says with an nineteen year old authority.
I look for a cheap candy bar. I am fuming but still try to concentrate on what would be the best candy bar. It's hot so I really don't want chocolate. But I really don't want a candy bar at all. Whatever. I quickly debate back and forth between the King Size Snickers and the regular size. Then I get angry with myself for taking time out to have this debate in my head and grab the regular size Snickers.
He rations out four dollars in quarters and I storm out. I decide to drive to a laundromat. I have to park a block away.
I walk in and go to a simulated-wood covered change machine. I try to figure out how to work it and realize that its apparently just a decorative piece. A lady with an eastern European accent asks if she can help me. "Yeah, I need quarters."
She dismisses me, "Customers only."
I walk out into the heat and consider my options. Doing laundry is the right thing for me to do. I am not trying to get drugs or cigarettes. I just want to avoid fungus growing on my Old Navy T-shirts and white athletic socks. I have been in similar situations when I'm desperate for cigarettes. Walking all over, trying to find the lowest price or who will accept my large bag of pennies for a pack of Camel Lights. This is just me trying to wash my clothes. It shouldn't be a big deal. But everything is a big deal when it's this hot.
I storm back into the Laundromat.
"How much is a load of laundry?" I yell
"What?" the queen of the laundry mat answers, looking at me like I'm crazy. Which is the very right assumption.
"How much is a load of laundry! I will pay. For a load of laundry. If I can get some goddam change." I say in my best exasperated Julianne Moore-Annette Bening-Meryl Streep-I'm not taking this shit voice.
"This is..I own this place and I can't have..If you're not going to be a customer..."
She rambles on and approaches me and my open wallet. I take out three dollars and she grabs it and pulls out three dollars in quarters from her overloaded quarter pocket.
I walk out as she continues to ramble.
"Just..next time remember...you have to be a customer...I can't be...I'm not a..You can't"
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