Somersizin'

Suzanne Somers arrested for writing a bad check, 1979, San Francisco


I just got back from Walgreens. I had a little panic attack about going to LA. I think it just hit me that I am going. I feel like I shouldn't write it down- like it will jinx the trip. I shouldn't talk about it on my blog... NO MORE MAGICAL THINKING!! Conducting life in a metaphysical superstitious way is ridiculous. "I can't wear this because then this will happen," etc. No more of that for me and you too.

Anyway, so I had to go buy cigarettes at Walgreens. Walking there, freezing cold listening, to Dreamgirls soundtrack. One Night Only! One Night Only! Homeless man asks for money. "Help the homeless tonight?" Can't. Looked around for things to ease the anxiety. Bought cigarettes, Krunchers Jalepeno potato chips, Brownie Mix, Chocolate cake icing, Diet Pepsi and Prilosec for the acid reflux. Stopped at Blockbuster- tried so hard to find something to rent/buy. Nothing.
Took the #145 bus 3 blocks back to my house- couldn't possibly walk.

Got home and realized I didn't have 2 eggs or vegetable oil to make the brownies. That was okay because what I really wanted was my signature dish-


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Clinical Depression Double Layer Jalepeno Delight

1 bag of Krunchers Jalepeno potato chips
1 bag of Chihahua Cheese (can substitute any meltable cheese)
1 microwavable bowl

Empty one half bag of chips into the microwavable bowl. Empty half bag of cheese on to the chips. Empty the rest of the bag of chips and top with remaing cheese. Microwave for 1.5-2 minutes. Eat with fingers.
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Ate almost the whole bag. It did ease the anxiety (along with a "nerve pill").

But what's got me calmed down is watching Suzanne Somers sell her products on HSN. If you haven't heard, Suzanne's home in Malibu went up in flames!

Suzanne's statement? "My nature is to look at the glass half-full. I don't have a son or daughter in Iraq. I haven't lost a loved one. We will rebuild, and I truly believe we will learn something great from this experience."

I think we will all learn from this experience.

Right now, Suzanne is selling the facemaster!
"A more youthful, more toned version of you!"
"Catch things before they fall apart!"

A comment on the product from HSN.com forum member-
"A group of us tried this and it is a torture device! First we thought we had the intensity turned up too high. Even on the lowest intensity we were screaming in pain! The twitching/muscle spasms that occur when the probes are placed on different parts of the face is downright creepy, even your scalp/hair folicles twitch! The laughs we had at the face spasms bordered on hysteria and made us forget the pain for a bit. My friend says she''ll use it again. I''ll just watch her face twitch!" -Extremely Painful

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An open letter to the author of this comment:

Dear Extremely Painful,
First of all beauty is not a party activity. When you mentioned "a group of us" tried the Facemaster I knew that you weren't serious about the Somersize program. As amusing and whimsical as Suzanne may present her products, beauty is not a party. Somersizing is not a walk in the park. Whining about pain doesn't get you anything. Beauty is painful. Suzanne's house just burned down!! You don't hear her griping about pain. Suzanne picks her self up, dusts her self off, shovels on some makeup and drags her products to HSN and she's working all day- a week after her beautiful Malibu compound went up in smoke.. She's a child of an alcoholic (as she mentions repeatedly on her HSN programs), but she is working her clickety click sculptured nails to the bone for us. Drop it!

Jeremy