jeremy no eat

folks! i cant swallow. yeah. i cant swallow food. i don't know if it's the big C or damage to my esophagus due to prolonged acid reflux disease or GRID or avian flu or some freudian thing with my mother-- but i can't swallow. this has been going on for awhile now and i have been quiet about it. suffering in silence like elizabeth taylor. but it's out. it's probably nothing or could be something. i don't know.

today my only fuel was one ensure and coffee and gatorade and the very innapropriate pack of cigarettes which has probably contributed to or IS the cause of my mysterious ailment. not all that mysterious, really.

this no eating makes me feels like i am walking around on shaky high heels. in a fog. things seem slightly curious. alice in wonderlandish. i have acheived that point of "take it or leave" hunger. too much of a hassle.

forgot that i had an art history quiz today. you can't bullshit your way through an art history quiz. you can't sort of make up titles and authors and patrons:

"naked lady with big butt lays on couch while other lady does something in the background" by albert wackfhelsouiigohnson commisioned by mary kate and ashley olsen for the equinox celebration in florence, italy

that's not going to fly. 10 point quiz in the garbage. whatever. i'll make it up with some extra credit. assuming at some point in the future that i can eat. which right now seems like a silly assumption.

depression/anxiety don't help either. especially when your doctor won't refill a prescription for two days because his office staff is a pack of monkeys!! between yesterday and today i called his office eight times trying to get my doctor to call in a prescription. walgreens the same. apparently my role is to be the liason between my doctors office and walgreens.

doctors office says "have walgreens fax us"
walgreens says "we faxed them"
doctors office says "we have no fax"
walgreens says "we faxed them already"
jeremy says "i know but my doctors office says you didnt"
doctors office says "we stll havent received it"
jeremy says "cant you call them or fax them"
doctors office says "no, just have them fax us"
jeremy says "they did"
doctors office says "can you have them do it again?"
walgreens says "we already did, but i guess we can do it again."
jeremy says "thanks"
doctors office says "we still havent received the fax"
and on and on and on until i go to walgreens and they tell me my prescription was DENIED
at this point i feel like i am really going to really slam my head against the brick wall outside of walgreens.
doctors office says "it wasn't denied we just called it in"
walgreens says "yeah we have it, it will be two hours"

during my wait at walgreens i buy a blender and macaroni and cheese. i get my prescription, go home and wash out the blender, put some macaroni and cheese in the blender-- it actually tasted really good (being my first real food of the day). as i am trying to get the pureed macaroni and cheese out of the blender and into a bowl. it's not coming out so well and i try to shake the heavy mixture of mac and cheese
into the glass bowl and the bowl breaks in half.

i considered eating it off the two sides of the broken bowl but decided that i didn't want pieces of glass in my throat at this point. so, i wash the blender out and add ravioli with meat sauce (something i dont even like) into the blender. after blending it-- it was literally one of the most disgusting things i have tasted in my life. i throw that way. my sink at this point looks like a Roman Vomitorium. i decided to forgoe the eating tonight.

i have to write two papers tomorrow and study for a psych quiz. i am very curious how that will happen. also called a gastroenterologist for an appointment. like thats going to happen. hi i have no insurance but i cant swallow. can you make it so i can swallow food please? thanks.